Yours Forever
by StarStrewn
Summary: They were together in a way they hadn't been before. Pam and Jim are thrown into chaos after being immersed in an intoxicating summer. Everything changes - she's pregnant.
1. Chapter 1

**DISCLAIMER: I own everything by which I mean nothing.**

**New story, you guys! Its a little different to the sort of thing I usually write but I think its a welcome challenge. I'd like to point out I don't think that what I write in this story would ever actually happen to Jim and Pam, I don't see them like that, but I'd like to know their reactions after wards. Hope that makes sense and if not, pretend it does and start reading! **

She sat on the closed toilet lid, her heart thumping so heavily she thought it might slam out of her chest, her nose tickling with the promise of tears, her feet tapping rapidly against the cold slate floor. Her stomach was shaking so badly she wanted to be sick. Exactly 7 minutes and 42 seconds ago she'd watched from her window as her parents car reversed from the driveway and disappeared around the corner. 5 minutes ago she'd raced to the bathroom and yanked out a crumpled box that held her every fear, every prayer, her destiny, her future, her life. She held the stick with trembling hands. 3 minutes, 2 minutes, 1 minute, BOOM. She knew her life was over.

Pam huddled under her blankets, her bedroom door firmly shut. She reminded herself to breathe in and out, surrounded by the soft blue glow of her sheets. She shook uncontrollably from head to toe. She was pregnant. Pregnant. The word was so full of fear and maturity. Pregnant? It was an adult word, a permanent word. She couldn't be pregnant, there had to be a mistake. She was only sixteen. She took a quavering breath and let a few hot tears slip down her cheeks and drip off her chin. She was pregnant.

3 WEEKS AGO

They sat on the floor of the room together drinking lemonade and just talking by the orange glow of the fireplace. Jim poured them both another glass. They sat cross legged, facing each other on the floor. When their glasses touched the made a soft clinking.

"To us, together forever." Pam said, feeling slightly shy despite the fact that they had been dating for 2 years and known each other since they were in diapers. Old classical music played faintly in the background and he turned it up. They were home alone, in his room, just sitting and talking.

She lay on her back and stared at his bedroom ceiling, counting the glow in the dark stars that were strewn across the dark blue paint. She closed her eyes, music in her ears and lemonade on her lips. Jim leaned over and gently kissed her.

"This night..." He trailed off and she smiled. She knew what he meant. It was magical, it was perfect. This was them. There was no fancy restaurant or awkwardness. Just the two of them and a crackling fireplace with Mars Bars and lemonade for dinner. Pam loved the way Jim spoke. He was so rarely shy, only calm and clear and sure of his words. She was overflowing with happiness. From head to toe she was filled with airy happiness and fluttering love. She'd been dipped in some pool of honey colored love. He kissed her again and then they were kissing on the floor, his soft carpet beneath them. A song ended and another came on. Something about it was hauntingly beautiful – the sorrowful screeching of violins, the rise and fall of a clarinet, the ripple of a piano, tugging on their heartstrings.

"Do you want to move to the bed?" Pam suggested faintly. She usually kept guard. He didn't complain or force her, he respected her but she knew he wanted it. But she had waited, wanted to be sure, wanted time. And now she was pressed against him on the bed, hips pressed against his, things moving too fast too stop. They freed themselves of their shirts and dropped them to the floor as he struggled with his jeans. Her brain didn't feel like her brain anymore. It was strange to her, strange and exciting and wild. She wanted to be closer to him. She meant to stop, to just breath, to wait a second but she kept quiet. She was too in love. He was so close now.

"Do you have...protection?" She asked vaguely.

"Yes." He answered before the entire question was out of her mouth. He fumbled for a moment and she heard the crinkle of a condom packet tearing open. She took his hand now and closed her eyes.

"Do you want to?" He asked.

"I don't know." She replied softly. She was in love with him. She _wanted_ to. And then they were together in a way they hadn't been before.

**Okay, I know this was short but I'm already working on the second chapter, so it should be up soon. I encourage (nay, _demand_) lengthy comments and look forward to talking with each and every one of you over how awesome (or terrible, depends. I have total confrontation issues so I'll probably just agree with all your opinions) my story is. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Heelloo. Okay, can I just say a big THANKYOU for the reviews. They totally make my day. Yeah, I'm lame. Its part of my charm. Also, I'd just like to warn everyone – I'm from Australia so I can't promise all the school dates/seasons or whatever will be right. I'm pretty sure they have summer holidays and then start school in Autumn in September. I hope that's right. Anyway, sorry in advance for any inaccuracy. **

The shrill ringing of Pam's alarm clock woke her up on Monday morning. Weak Autumn sun seeped through the window as she flung an arm out to throw the clock on the ground where it continued to ring. She ignored it. Mrs. Beesly hurried in, quickly bending to turn the annoying object off.

"Pam, honey. It's time to get up. First day of school! Summer's over, time to plunge into work!" She clapped her hands enthusiastically. Pam hated it when her mother tried to be perky about school. It was so lame. The truth was, Pam used to love the first day of school. She didn't like the work so much but it was fun buying new, clean stationary and lining up freshly sharpened colored pencils. She was all set for school. Her brand-new binder was filled with fresh paper; she had inserted neatly labeled dividers, one for each subject, among the paper; and a pencil case containing pens, pencil, an eraser, a ruler, and a pack of gum was clipped to the inside front cover. She should of jumped out of bed but instead she rolled over onto her back and pulled the covers over her head. Mrs. Beesly laughed and pulled them off again, perching on the edge of Pam's bed.

"Honey, what's going on? You seem so different lately." She smoothed Pam's hair away from her face and gave her a concerned look. Pam sighed heavily, wishing her mother would just leave her alone.

"I'm fine, Mom." She tried not to snap but her voice came out irritated all the same.

"Alright." Her mother said doubtfully. "Breakfast is downstairs." She snapped the blind up before slipped out of the room, taking some dirty laundry as she went. Pam swung her legs out and stared at her room. Crushed pieces of paper littered the floor, failed sketches, and books were strewn left to right. It had been 2 weeks since the home pregnancy test. Summer was over and so was her life. She rose and slipped a royal blue v-neck on along with her favorite, faded blue jeans. She jammed her feet into a pair of white, almost gray, runners and tied her hair into a loose bun ignoring a couple of loose curls. Why bother with appearance? She wondered. In a few months she wouldn't even fit her clothes. With one last longing look at her original 'back to school' outfit (black tights, black skirt and a gorgeous jade green sweater) she grabbed her bag and rushed out the door, skipping breakfast.

Pam walked gloomily to the bus stop, kicking a stone. She couldn't wrap her head around it – she was really pregnant. What would she do? Abortion was _not_ an option. She just couldn't think about that. But what else was there to do? Her parents were going to kill her. And Jim! What would Jim say? What would he do? What if his parents forbid him from seeing her?

"Pam!" She heard the familiar voice and spun just in time to have her best friend Alexa throw her arms around her. Alexa had been her best friend since grade 2 when they'd bonded over having the same charm bracelet. She had soft brown curls and charming baby blue eyes. And she could mix and match the weirdest stuff and come up with an amazing outfit. Today she was wearing a simple, loose blouse with an unfamiliar coat of arms on it over a very short black skirt. Around her waist was a thin scarf and on her feet were black ankle boots. Dangling from her ears were small dinosaurs.

"Hey, Alex." She couldn't help smiling. "How was Florida?"

"Amaaaazing." Alexa sang, falling into step beside Pam, bronze autumn leaves crunching loudly beneath their feet.

"Your so tanned!" Pam almost shrieked, grabbing her friend's arm and holding it out. She dropped it.

"How do you do that? I've been trying all my life to get a tan and all I get is pale skin." She sighed sorrowfully.

"Try spending summer vacation lying on a beach. Or did you just spend it with Jim?"

"Jim." The name whirled her back into reality. She was carrying his _baby_. Struck with this thought, she almost screamed with the realization that there was another human being _inside_ her.

"Pam? Are you okay?" Alexa shook her arm. "The bus is here." Wordlessly, Pam climbed up the steps and settled down.

"Hey, seriously. Whats wrong?" Alexa sat beside her and tucked a chestnut wave of hair behind her ear. Pam sighed and leaned her forehead against the window. She closed her eyes. She felt Alexa's soothing arm on her shoulder and was grateful that her best friend didn't push for an answer. They rode to school in silence.

1-44-7. Pam twisted her lock open and studied her new locker.

"Hey, we're right next to each other. Nice." Alexa said, opening her own locker. "So far, my locker doesn't seem to have any evil intentions towards me, so, bonus." Pam raised her eyebrows, recalling the number of times Alexa's previous locker had stuck and squeaked and broken and hit her in the face.

"Uh, I'd call that a major plus!" She laughed. She arranged her books, bag and art supplies along the locker shelf and added a few pictures she'd torn from a magazine.

"Have you seen Jim yet?" Alexa continued. Pam's stomach clenched painfully.

"Uh, not yet." She muttered. "Actually, I haven't seen him since about...2 and a half weeks." Alexa stopped trying to balance her History and English books and looked at Pam.

"Really?" She asked carefully. "Why?" Pam shrugged, feeling her neck heat up.

"We just...didn't have some much time by the end of summer." She lied.

**3 WEEKS AGO**

She rested her head against Jim's chest, tears slowly slipping down her cheeks. They were mysterious tears, cold and strange. She didn't want to move, not now, not ever. She wanted their bodies to merge together, to be one. At some point she rolled over. It wasn't how she imagined it. She wasn't on a romantic beach or something. But somehow, with Jim, staring up at glow in the dark stars it felt better then she'd ever imagined. She smiled faintly.

"Ummgh..." Jim made a strange, hesitant sound.

"What?" She asked vaguely, not really paying attention.

"I...there was...I...I don't know."

"Jim?"

"The..t-he condom, it..." His voice was so...distant. He sounded confused and...something else

"Jim." Her voice was sharp. And unfamiliar.

"Its not...on?" He ran his hand through his hair, panic rising in his eyes.

"Why are you asking? Is it on or off?

"It's off."

"What. Do. You. Mean."

"Uuhh, Pam, I'm not sure. I think," He took a deep breath. "It broke."

"It broke." She repeated. His hair was falling in front of his eyes. He reached his hand out for her but she'd jumped up, already tugging her clothes on. Worries rose and flooded her.

"I'm pretty sure. I don't know when it happened..." he trailed off. She could get pregnant. She could be getting pregnant. Right now.

"It happened while we were having sex." She said sharply. He looked at her solemnly and silently and she wanted to slap words out of him. When was her last period? She tried to count the days but her head was a mess of panic. Why hadn't she stopped? She was the responsible one, she was the one who was supposed to make sure this didn't happen. She wasn't ready. Why, she wondered, why the hell had she had sex when she wasn't ready to be a parent? That was what sex did. It got you pregnant...and she...she could not get pregnant. These things couldn't happen to her. She was practical and careful. This happened to girls who were careless and flirty. What could she do? What did this mean? She was a worrier. She worried that she would get diseases or become homeless or an orphan. She worried the sun wouldn't rise or that Alexa would get in some tragic accident. Not once, in all her worries, had this one crossed her mind. She wasn't a virgin anymore. Why hadn't that mattered earlier? She barely saw Jim now, she should be saying these aloud, she wanted to be sobbing in his arms. No. She wanted to be back in front of the fireplace just talking. His voice snapped her back to reality.

"Pam, I am so, so sorry. I'm sorry. I should have..."

"Its not your fault." She told him, staring at the ash and smoldering, dying flames. Like the night, they'd burned out.

"I have to go." She said. And she didn't look back.

**Review, review, review. I command you. Just kidding. Only not really. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, I should have the following one up soon! **


	3. Chapter 3

**You guys rock, you know that? Seriously. I love getting your reviews, they make my day. Yeah, unfortunately, I still own nothing. I wasn't entirely sure how to handle this chapter, but I did the best I could do. **

Pam sat alone at the kitchen table. It was 2am and she was looking sorrowfully at a bowl of vegetable soup. She looked at a bobbing slice of carrot.

"I'm scared." She confided to it. "I'm pregnant." With the word came tears, hot, salty tears that slipped down her cheeks and fell with soft 'plops' into her soup. She wasn't very hungry but the hot bowl warmed her icy hands and even calmed her down a bit. Pam had a little routine – she would talk herself up to the height of panic, and then talk herself down. And then lather, rinse and repeat. But tonight she sat still and stared into her soup with despair. There was no talking herself down from the height of panic this time. Her hands began to burn but she only pressed them harder to the burning bowl. Silvery moonlight streamed through the window and fell in pools on the table. She raised her head and stared at the chalky moon for a moment, strung high in the sky with gold frosted stars. Then she tilted her head back, staring the the lacy threads of spiderwebs on the ceiling and thought of nothing.

Pam was woken up the next morning by the phone ringing. She growled in frustration and buried her head under her pillow. She'd crept back upstairs around 4.45 in the morning and it felt like she'd only just gotten into bed, thought it was already 7:30. A moment later her mother peeked around the door frame and held the phone out to Pam.

"Pam, James is on the phone." Pam lifted her head.

"His name is Jim, Mom." She snapped.

"Well, he wants to talk to you. He sounds desperate, Pam, and so sad."

"Mom, just tell him I'm busy. I'll call him back." Mrs. Beesly stepped into the room and placed her hands on her hips.

"You said that last time." She sighed and dropped her hands. "Give the guy a break, huh? He's been calling non stop for the past 2 weeks practically. Just talk to him."

"I talk to him plenty at school," Pam growled like a bear in it's cave.

"He's biked over here almost every afternoon pleading to talk to you. Why won't you just...ugh, forget it." She threw her hands up in the air. "I'll never understand you teenagers. One moment your beaming all over the place and the next..." she muttered, trailing off. She switched to a brighter tone and spoke into the phone, leaving Pam alone to mope. She rolled onto her back knowing she wouldn't get any more sleep. Besides, she had to get up for school. She wished Jim would stop calling. When would he just get the message? She sighed. She knew she was being unfair, she knew Jim must be going through agony. But it was so, so hard to feel sympathy for him. How would she tell him? It was his baby, after all. She rolled out of bed and dressed quickly in old jeans and a sweatshirt. Then she stood in front of her mirror.

"Jim. I'm pregnant." She told her reflection seriously. She tried again.

"Jim...I'm having a baby." This time she tried to look heartbroken and tears filled her eyes. She couldn't. Nothing would work. Her eyes fell on her sketchbook and she tore out a fresh sheet of paper. She took her black fine liner and with trembling hands in the middle of the page, she wrote: _Jim. I'm pregnant. _

"Oh, great." She said aloud. "A note. That's perfect Pam. Just perfect. I'm so sure Jim will be ecstatic to receive this like any other note in History." Still, she folded the piece of paper neatly, making every crease even and straight, then tucked the note into her pocket. She walked downstairs slowly, pulling her hair up as she went. The kitchen was empty, the remains of her soup crusty in the sink. There was a pot on the stove and beneath it was still a burning flame. She glanced around before pulling out the piece of paper. She read the words, once, twice. 'Pregnant' and 'Jim' seemed to leap out at her, biting her skin, raw with emotion. She stared hard at them and looked once more at the flame on the stove. And then, slowly and carefully, she dipped the corner of the paper into the flame and watched the flames spread and burn, eating the paper whole.

She saw Jim as soon as she walked into school that day. She hurried down the hall to her locker, flooded with relief that he hadn't seen her. She was taking out her books when Alexa appeared practically making Pam jump out of her skin.

"Geez, Alex. Way to give me a heart attack." She pressed her hand to her heart and tried to relax.

"I'm sorry," Alexa grinned. "Are you okay?"

"That depends. Just how important is the heart?"

"Minor organ, minor." Alexa waved her hands and opened her locker.

"Nice outfit." Pam added, studying her friend's clothes. Today she was wearing a small, denim vest over an oversized white blouse with the sleeves loosely rolled up. She'd added color with some floral leggings with splashes of pastel pinks, greens, and blues. To complete the outfit, a navy blue beanie was perched on her head and clunky black boots on her feet.

"You like?" Alexa stood back to show the full effect. "I wasn't sure about the beanie."

"You can pull it off," Pam assured her wistfully tugging on one of her friend's brown waves. "I wish I had hair like yours."

"Trade you? Yours is such a gorgeous color."

"In a second." Pam said seriously.

"So, what's been up with you lately? Talk to me, I've been so worried about you ever since you walked off the other day at lunch."

"Just...PMS." Pam lied, avoiding eye contact. She knew one look and Alexa would know something else was up.

"Liar. You have your period on the 24th. Remember, you always get snappy about your artwork and get upset about your sketches."

"I do?" This information surprised her. Did she really do that? How embarrassing. She felt tears prick her eyes, remembering how she'd only recently counted and recounted the days on her calendar. She used to be a virgin and virgins were blessed with being allowed to forget when their periods came and went.

"Yeah. So, whats wrong? You know you can tell me anything." Alexa's voice was a distant noise, her hand on Pam's arm lighter then a feather. She was back in the bathroom, staring at the little positive sign and...the rubber bands tightened on her chest and she gasped, stopping short in the hallway.

"Al..." She grabbed her friends arm and pulled her into an empty classroom.

"Pam? Pam!" Alexa's voice grew louder and panicked as Pam gulped in air, gasping for breaths. The second anxiety attack.

"Oh, my...Pam, please, are you okay?" She counted backwards from 100 and closed her airs. She tried to slow her breathing so that it was regular. Success. She straightened up, her heart heavy with secret tears. Alexa's eyes were wide with fear.

"Are you okay?" She cried. Pam shook her head.

"Alexa." She looked straight into her fearful blue eyes. "I'm pregnant."

They ditched class and went to the drugstore down the street for another pregnancy test before returning and slipping into an empty bathroom.

"I got three," Alexa admitted. "Just in case the first ones are flukes." Pam slipped into a cubicle while Alexa paced back and forth nervously.

"Oh man. Pam how did this happen?"

"Well, Alexa." Pam began in a sarcastic tone. "You see, when two people love each other very much..."

"Oh, ha-ha. No, I'm serious. I mean...wow. This is completely blowing my mind...I mean you and Jim?"

"No me and Scrooge, who the hell do you think?" Pam fumbled with the second box. She felt a slither of guilt, she wasn't usually mean but she couldn't help it.

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I really am Pam. I'm just...I don't know what to say."

"Its okay. I'm sorry I snapped, I just...yeah." She sighed heavily and opened the stall.

"We have to wait three minutes," she explained and Alexa nodded.

"Okay." She took off her beanie and lifted herself onto the bathroom bench, leaning her head against the mirror.

"Hey, if you are...you know, what are you going to do?"

"I don't know. I just can't think about it right now." She was glad her voice was steady. The two girls were silent for a moment, both lost in their own thoughts. Alexa hopped off the bench and wrapped Pam into a hug.

"Sorry. I'm not being very supportive, huh?"

"No, no, you are. Its feels sort of better. Knowing that someone else knows." She pulled back and glanced at her watch with teary eyes.

"One more minute." She said.

"I can't believe this is happening. I can't wrap my head around it – Oh, God, what are you going to tell Jim? Is this why you haven't spoken to him lately? Oh my God."

"I don't know what to tell him. I mean – the uh, you know, condom broke but I still haven't told him I'm actually pregnant." Alexa shook her head.

"Oh, man."

"Yeah. 20 more seconds." Both of them let out long breaths and then peered at the sticks. Staring up were three identical positive signs. Alexa stared at them silently in shock but Pam simply picked them up and threw them out the window.

"You don't seem very upset." Alexa finally broke the silence with a weak smile.

"I already knew. I could just tell." She sat down on the cold floor and let worries swarm her head.

"You have to tell Jim," Alexa said softly, sitting beside her.

"I know."

"When are you going to tell him?"

"I don't know." The first bell rang and it was time for second period.

"Do you want to ditch?" Alexa offered but Pam shook her head and swung her bag over her shoulder.

"I better go. Sitting in a bathroom won't change my situation." She was about to leave when she turned back.

"Oh, and Alex?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks." Alexa just smiled sadly.

Pam made it to class just in time. Nobody questioned her absence from first period, much to her relief. Jim was on the other side of the room staring at her and she was too aware of his eyes following her. She sat as far away as possible, slumping in her seat. She knew he'd cornered her. No way would he let her go without speaking to her. All through class she worried. She bit her lip so hard she half feared it might bleed and her nails were bitten down to stubs. Her stomach churned – this was it. She would tell him. She had to. Class ended too soon and before she could duck out Jim was by her side.

"Why haven't you answered my calls?" He asked immediately. "I've been calling and calling, why can't you just _talk_ to me? _Please_." He pleaded. "I was so worried..."

"I'm sorry." She muttered.

"No, don't be, I am. I should have-" He cut himself off and sighed, running his hands through his hair.

"What...happened? Are you..." He trailed off again, searching for words. "Oh, God, I just don't know."

"You really want to know?" She asked softly. All her anger and worry drained out of her. She just couldn't be bothered anymore. He nodded solemnly. Glancing around, she grabbed his arm and dragged him out the doors so that they were out of the front steps of the school. For a moment they just looked at each other. She drank it in – he looked different. He was still Jim but seeing him now was different. She loved him. She hated him. She missed him.

"I'm pregnant." The words hung in the air. She watched him carefully, his mouth partly open, his eyes wide.

"Say something." She whispered finally.

"Are you serious?" He said so quietly she wasn't sure if she was imagining it.

"Yeah." He stepped forward, closing the distance between and bent his head so that their foreheads were touching. Hot tears slipped down her cheeks before she could stop them and he wrapped her into a tight hug. For a long time they just stood like that, rocking back and forth, crying mysterious tears of sadness and fear and a strange happiness.

**Huh. I don't know if I'm really happy with this chapter, but I think its the best I can do. I've read and re-read it but I don't really know how I could change it. Anyway, let me know what you think about this one. Also, I wanted to write some stuff from Jim's side but so far I've only been doing Pam's because it's been easier. If you do want to read Jim's side though, let me know and I'll work on it. Thanks for reading! **


	4. Chapter 4

**This is so much harder then I thought. Please let me know how you think I could improve anything or if I've made a mistake. Anyway, hopefully you like this chapter more then I do!**

After some time, Jim pulled back. His head was spinning and his knees felt weak. Part of him had known. But having it confirmed was...just too much to handle.

"Are you sure?" He asked, stalling for time. She nodded but said nothing as he released a huge breath.

"Are you...what are we going to do? It's up to you..." He didn't want to say the wrong thing, but what was the right thing? She looked up at him.

"I'm not aborting it." She said sharply.

"Good." He said honestly. He couldn't handle that, he knew.

"I really missed you." He said softly. He immediately wished he could swallow the words back – she probably hated him, why had he said that? He braced himself but instead she replied quietly.

"I missed you too."

"Pam...I'm so sorry – I should have been more careful."

"Its not your fault. It was an accident." She mumbled. He felt like crying. Everything was strange and unfamiliar now, he wanted to go way back before anything had started. He sat down on the steps and she sat beside him.

"What are we going to do?" She whispered, half to herself.

"We'll get through this. We will." He wrapped his arm around her and she leaned her head on his shoulder. He rested his own head onto her's and they fell silent, the icy winter wind whipping around them.

After school, they went to a nearby park. It was shaded by lots of feathery trees with paths winding around them. Slowly they walked around every tree, following every path, over and over again, discussing their options. Pam was fiercely against abortion but she cried every time Jim mentioned adoption or keeping it. Jim was holding back tears himself. Already he loved this baby but the next nine months would kill Pam, he knew they would. She couldn't handle this.

"Maybe we should just try adoption." He tried one last time, desperate. "Its really the best option." Finally she nodded.

"Maybe we should just wait." She forced her breaths jagged from crying. "We don't have to decide right now. As long as I don't...get rid of it."

"Okay." He said gently. "Okay."

Alexa came over that night, much to Pam's parent's relief – although they weren't crazy that she'd had to come so late since Pam had spent most of the afternoon with Jim. Pam and Alexa immediately shut themselves in Pam's room.

"I told Jim." Pam said immediately. Alexa looked at her solemnly.

"And?" She prompted. Pam spread her hands out helplessly.

"I feel better now that you know and he knows. I think right now our plan is adoption but we decided we would officially decide later. All I know is we aren't aborting it." Alexa nodded and both girls fell silent for a minute or two, each lost in their own thoughts.

"Have uh...you thought of any names?" Alexa asked awkwardly. Pam let out a sad sort of laugh and fell back onto her bed.

"Remember how we used to love thinking about baby names?" She asked, lost in a memory. "I never thought I'd need to think of one for real at 16."

"Oh, Pam, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's okay. Actually, I have thought of some names." She laughed that sad laugh again. "Stupid, aren't I?"

"No. No way," Alexa said firmly, crawling beside her. "Tell me the names."

"Well...for a boy, I like Patrick or Benjamin, Ben for short. Or maybe Michael. And for a girl I like Kathleen, Meg or Ruby. Or...maybe Willow."

"I like them all. Michael and Kathleen especially."

"I can't believe were talking about this like it happens everyday."

"Well, its happening. Let's face it. I don't think you should look at this like its a bad thing – its going to happen so we just have to deal with it in a positive way." Pam thought about it and sighed.

"Your right. It's just so weird. I have so many questions. Should I drop out of school? How do I tell my parents? What about the kids at school, what will they think? And poor Jim. He'll go through hell. I mean...it's such a _mess_."

"You know what I think?" Alexa said thoughtfully. Pam was silent – she was the worst person to ask something like that. She always took it literally so Alexa never waited for an answer. "I think you should tell your mom. She can help you with a lot of this stuff."

"She'll kill me."

"She might surprise you. She might be incredibly supportive – I mean, you told me you could tell her anything. So I think you can at least tell her this. She's gonna find out anyway." Pam raised her eyebrows skeptically.

"I think I have two options – tell them or pretend it never happened. I'm going with pretend it never happened." Alexa laughed uncertainly.

"Um...they're gonna find out..."

"Hup!" Pam put a finger to Alexa's mouth, motioning for her to stop talking.

"_Pam_. They're-"

"_Hup_!" Pam warned again. "Never. Happened."

"Your in denial!" Alexa cried, her giggle muffled by Pam's hand. Pam ignored her but she couldn't help smiling for the first time in days.

Jim walked to a garage after speaking to Pam. He went to the garage almost every night now, to work on cars with his best friend Mark. The car's were old and rusty but Jim always liked finding the right parts to make it shiny and new again. He walked slowly, going over every word of their conversation. She was pregnant. What was going to happen? He'd been so miserable when she'd stopped talking to him. He started to work at the garage all the time, nonstop. Even Frank, the owner had to tell him to take breaks and eat lunch now. But as soon as Jim put down the tool he was handling, every thought of worry would flood him so he just kept working. He been worried, of course, but he'd never really and truly believed she was _pregnant_. It was confirmed now and it hit him like a bag of bricks. He felt numb as he arrived at the garage. Mark was already there, his face smudged with a streak of oil. He looked up when Jim entered.

"Hey," he immediately dropped the wrench and stood up, a look of concern spreading over his face. "What did she say? What's wrong?" Mark knew that they'd stopped talking but Jim never told him why. That would be...awkward. But now, looking at the familiar face he felt scared. Everything was changing, everything as unfamiliar and scary. He was _scared_. Noises sounded tinny and distant.

"She's pregnant." He said blankly. He felt something hot running down his face and embarrassed, he ducked his head to hide the tears. He didn't know what he expected, for Mark to pat him awkwardly on the back maybe or offer some useless advice and comforting words. Whatever it was, the last thing he'd expected was for Mark to pull him into a tight hug. Unable to compress them, Jim let out some muffled sobs. At last, Mark pulled back and looked at his friend.

"C'mon. Let's go get some pizza and talk." He said seriously. All Jim could do was follow his friend blindly.

**Poor Jim. And Pam. Okay, hopefully I'll update soon, I'm alternating between this and A Heart Full of Hope (another story I'm working on) but I'll try to be fast. Review! Thanks for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**I cannot believe how much I suck. I haven't updated any of my stories for ages. I'm so, so sorry! I hate it when people don't update for ages but I just completely hit a wall. I haven't written in so long but I'm determined to get back into it so I'll try to update more frequently. Again, I'm so sorry for the wait! **

**P.S Okay, considering that I have no experience with pregnancy, this is hard to write so please let me know if you have any tips or if I've made a mistake. Thanks. =]**

Pam was experiencing morning sickness. She woke up on Monday morning with a strange, swirling feeling in her stomach. Her mouth tasted sour and bitter and seconds later a warm putrid feeling rose in her throat. She raced to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. She heaved and gasped as another wave of nausea came over her. Pam absolutely hated throwing up. The sight and smell often made her feel like throwing up again. It was a vicious cycle. She thought it was over but 5 steps into a school a fresh wave of nausea washed over her and she rushed to the bathroom, which was thankfully empty. She threw up violently.

"Pam?" Alexa's voice floated through the stall door. Pam flushed the toilet and left the stall on weak knees.

"Are you..." Alexa broke off and wrinkled her nose. "Oh, my God, were you just throwing up?" Pam washed out her mouth and wiped her clammy hands before nodded miserably.

"Ohh, you poor thing." Alexa handed her a stick of gum.

"Thanks. It started this morning. Oh, man, this is so bad! I mean, I expected it but this is the real first side effect. It's so...confirming. It's like, wow, I really am pregnant now."

"Well...what are the other side effects?" Pam shrugged. She'd never really been curious about the subject before.

"Um,maybe you should check up on that stuff. You know, just because it's gonna happen to you." Pam raised her eyebrows.

"Wow, thanks for the reminded." She snapped.

"Sorry. Look, let's go to the library this lunchtime. I saw a stack of pregnancy and birth books there last week. It wouldn't hurt to do some research." Pam splashed her face with water.

"Do you think the whole world will jump out soon and say 'gotcha! This is all an elaborate prank to make you think your pregnant!'?" She asked hopefully. Alexa shook her head solemnly.

Jim felt his consciousness ebbing away slowly. His open history book turned into a blur as the pictures and words merged together. His eyelids felt like they had weights on them. He hadn't gotten a wink of sleep since Pam had told him. As soon as his eyes shut, he saw a scary movie playing on his eyelids. What if something went wrong with the pregnancy? What would his parents do when he told them? What would _Pam's_ parents do? Questions and scenarios haunted him everywhere he went. Something hard hit the back of his head and he looked over his shoulder angrily.

"You were falling asleep." Mark shrugged. "Can you pick up my eraser?"

"Only if you don't throw it again." Jim picked it up and handed it to his friend.

"Are you tired?" Mark asked.

"Gee, what gave it away?" Jim said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Of course I'm tired! I haven't got any sleep since-" he glanced around and lowered his voice. "Since this pregnancy thing."

"Hate to break it to you but not sleeping won't fix this situation."

"I had no idea! Please, tell me some more helpful facts!"

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do to...help? I mean, I don't know what to do." Jim sighed and raised his eyes to the ceiling.

"That makes two of us."

"Oh, how exciting. In 3 months I can look forward to dark spots on my face. Because it's not enough to just get fat." Pam said bitterly. She and Alexa sat in an empty corner in the school library that lunch, surrounded by pregnancy books.

"Well, it's not fat. It's a baby." Alexa pointed out.

"A baby that will shoot out of my body despite the fact that it's much too large. I didn't think this through, I was all into the fact that Jim was all strong and manly. Which means I'm gonna have a strong and manly baby."

"I never thought of Jim as strong and manly." Alexa said thoughtfully, tilting her head.

"Well, this baby is gonna have to find another way out or it can just stay in there forever. I really don't care."

"Don't worry about that part, just take it one step at a time. You're doing great!"

"What do you mean, I'm doing great? What am I doing great?"

"Well, you told Jim for one thing."

"Oh, my God." Pam flicked a few pages of the thick book she was reading. I'm going to grow hair on my chin."

"Pluck them?"

"Maybe I'll look good with a beard."

"It could work. Hey, it says here your also going to get nosebleeds and bleeding gums."

"Oh, _gross_! I hate blood." Alexa smiled sympathetically.

"I know." Pam sighed.

"This sucks. Pregnancy was not made for teenage girls."

"What about teenage boys?"

"It wasn't made for teenagers, full stop. I mean, how long can I hide this? There's no way I can tell my parents without my dad murdering Jim but sooner or later they're going to find out."

"Don't wait too long." Alexa advised. "Get it over with – I know your parents, Pam. They'll get over the shock. Sure, they won't be over the moon but they _will_ be supportive. And it's going to be so much easier if you let them help you. You, me, Mark, Jim, we're just teenagers. What you really need right now is some good advice." Pam swallowed hard and looked at her friend.

"I think you just gave some."

**Sorry, I know this chapter was short. But it feels really good to write again so hopefully I'll be updating soon. Thanks for reading and reviews are always welcome! =] **


	6. Chapter 6

**I'm hoping to do some longer chapters but lately mine have been pretty short. Anyway, hope you enjoy this chapter. I meant to write it last Tuesday but I had to do a debate for school and it was really last minute so I had to prepare. Anyway, enjoy and reviews are always welcome!**

Pam sat crossed legged on her bedroom floor staring into space sadly. Jim had just left. They'd sat in her room for almost an hour pouring over pregnancy books and teenage pregnancy pamphlets. She hid them all under a loose floorboard in her room. No way was she going to let her parents find out like that. She was 8 weeks pregnant now. She'd thought that once she'd found out exactly what she was going through she'd feel relieved but she didn't. She just felt scared. She was 16. She didn't even like kids that much. They were cute, sure, but they were also messy and tiring and a lot of work. She wouldn't be able to go to college or anything. Her life was...her life was not her life anymore. She didn't feel like Pam Beesly anymore. She didn't know _who_ she was.

Jim lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling. He counted the stars on his ceiling and then recounted them. He vaguely thought about that night. He'd counted the stars then too, making a wish on each of them. Every wish started with Pam. And now what? What was his future? Would he have to drop out of school? Every teenage pregnancy story was about the mother and what happened to them. What happened to the fathers? Jim wondered how he was supposed to feel about this. He wondered if wanting to throw up every 5 minutes was normal. He wondered how to act around Pam. The questions spun together in his head until they floated to his stomach and settled into a knot.

Pam wandered outside and picked up the mail. She sat on the porch, the late afternoon sun pooling around her. She flipped through the mail half halfheartedly. Bills and catalouges fell to the ground and she passed them. And then – there was a large white envelope made of stiff paper. With her name on it. She furrowed her brow and tore it open. Now she remembered. It was an exclusive art course she'd applied to a few months ago. She'd been so nervous about it then. And now, art school was the least of her worries. She sighed and sifted through the sheets of paper. It was just forms and information about the school. She'd gotten in. Pam sighed heavily, crumpling the sheets into a wadded ball and tossing them into the garbage. She was pregnant. She couldn't go to art school now. She couldn't do anything now.

Jim caught Pam by her arm as she walked into school the next day.

"Hey." She said, slightly shocked.

"Pam, do you still love me even after everything I did to you?" He had sadness in his eyes as if he was sure she did. Pam's eyes widened in shock.

"Jim. Of course I still love you." He sighed.

"This isn't your fault Jim. We're both in this. Together." She wrapped her arm around his waist.

"Together." He repeated.

"Yeah. Come on, skip class. Let's talk." She led him outside till they reached a small grassy area in the shade of a large hazelnut tree and settled onto the ground. She took a deep breath.

"I got into art school." Jim smiled.

"That's fantastic! I knew you could do it."

"Yeah, but I _can't_ do it." She said sadly. "I can't go to art school when I'm pregnant." He frowned.

"Why not? It doesn't change your talent, Pam."

"How often do you see a pregnant teenager going to art school?"

"I'm sure it's not the first time." But even he sounded doubtful now. Pam sighed.

"I can't go, Jim. I can't do anything anymore."

"Hey, come on. We're in this together. You can do anything you want."

"It was such a small window. A peephole, really. For years I was this shy, awkward kid and then when I finally got older and got my own life – slam. The window shuts and I'm this over burdened teenage mother. I barely got the chance to do it Jim. I barely got the chance to be a person."

"Pam. This baby...is not a burden. It's not. It's just a...a...bump along the way." She glanced at him with raised eyebrows.

"Okay, bad choice of words. But we just haven to work around this. Yeah, it's gonna be hard but you shouldn't have to stop doing the things you love because of it. If anyone can do it, you can. I'm sure of it. I really, really think you should go to art school Pam. It's only after school and it won't affect anything."

"People will stare."

"So let them. They don't know you. If they judge you then they aren't worth worrying over." She smiled, a little sadly and looked him in the eyes."

"You always know what to say." She leant over and kissed him softly, loosing herself in the sweetness of the kiss. He smiled as she pulled back.

"I know you want me to stop saying this but I really am sor-"

"Don't say-"

"I have-"

"You don't."

"Damn it, will you let me finish a sent-"

"No." She interrupted and kissed him again.

After school Pam and Alexa decided to walk home together, skipping the bus ride.

"I know I've said this before but seriously, Pam, you have to tell your parents."

"They'll find out by themselves."

"Do you really want them to find out that way?" Pam sighed.

"I guess not. But what if I'm not pregnant?"

"_Pam_!"

"What? I mean, technically the tests _could_ be wrong. My period _could_ just be late. Maybe I just have the flu!"

"Pam you're, like, nine weeks."

"Okay, so maybe I am. But...oh, God, Lexi. I can't do this."

"Maybe you should see a doctor."

"I thought we just established that I _was_ pregnant."

"I mean just to check if you are alright. And the baby. To see if everything is okay and healthy." Alexa said.

"But then my parents would find out! Dr. Howell would tell them!" Pam cried.

"No, no, no. Just...okay...here's what you could do. Go to your doctor-"

"Dr. Howell." Pam interrupted.

"Right, Dr. Howell and tell her you're just doing some school project. I don't know, ask her some questions about random stuff and then, well, hey! Since you're there, how about a checkup? Then if your parents ask you can just say you thought you should have one since you were there. And Dr. Howell probably wouldn't tell them you were pregnant if you asked her not to because you wanted to do it when you were ready." Pam considered the plan.

"Yeah, I guess so. I'd probably feel better to know everything was okay."

"I can come if you want."

"Well, I'll see when I can go in."

"It's going to be fine Pam. I promise." Pam stuck her hands deeper in her coat pockets. She really wished she could believe that.


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: I own zilch.**

**Sorry for the wait, but this is a long chapter so I hope that makes up for it. =]**

Pam chewed her lip hard. The algebra equations were confusing and difficult but studying was

better then concentrating on the fact that she was pregnant. She bit her lip viciously and worked on the first problem on the test. But she couldn't stop her mind from wandering and every time it wandered, it wandered to babies. She was really scared. There was so much she didn't know about babies – there was no way she could raise one. But what if no one adopted her baby? What if her baby wasn't healthy? All through maths, Pam's head was filled with 'what if's...'

"That maths practice test was killer." Alexa groaned as she and Pam walked down the hallway to the cafeteria. "I was stuck after two multiple choice. Like this will _so_ go down well with my parents." She rolled her eyes. "So, what did you think of it?" She turned to Pam.

"I don't know. It was hard, I guess. I just...can't stop thinking about my doctor appointment. It's this afternoon."

"Yeah, I know. I'm so sorry I can't be there."

"It's okay. Really, I think I'd feel better if I went on my own."

"Where does your mom think you are?"

"At an extra art class."

"You think that'll work? Doctor appointments can go on for a long time." Pam shrugged.

"You think anything in my life is working? I wish none of this had ever happened. Maybe I'm not pregnant. Maybe it's a flesh eating virus – oh, man, that would be such a relief-"

"Pam." Alexa said softly.

"I know. I know. I'm pregnant." They walked into the cafeteria and began to fill their trays with salad and some sort of mystery meat.

"Can I give you some advice?"

"Anything."

"I think you have to deal with this now. It's obvious you are," Alexa lowered her voice. "Pregnant. And you need to face that fact and move on to how you're going to deal with this situation. For starters, I think you should tell your parents." They sat at an empty table.

"I know I have to tell them sooner or later but it's so awful. I keep seeing their faces, disappointed in me. I just don't know how this happened. I don't know what to do or how to tell them."

"Just sit down with them after dinner and tell them, no beating around the bush." Alexa said firmly.

"Um. No."

"Okay, so talk to a school counselor or Dr. Howell or someone. They could call your parents in and tell them."

"Yeah, right. My parents would freak and I do _not_ want that happening in front of other people."

"Well. You have to figure something out and soon."

"I know." She blinked back a few tears, fear flooding her body all the way to her fingertips.

Pam walked into the doctor's office that afternoon with her legs shaking. She signed in at the desk and turned around. She was greeted by at least 9 children and their frazzled looking mothers. A few toddlers were sprawled on the floor with crayons, one baby was screeching, it's small face so red it was almost purple and a couple of kids were running around the chairs shrieking and laughing. She gulped. There were no chairs left so she sat down in one of the little, wooden kids chairs feeling tiny. She shot a nervous smile at the little girl who grinned up at her, missing two teeth. She reminded herself to breathe in and out. She was afraid she might forget. One by one the waiting room emptied until finally she could move to a regular chair. The moment she sat down the woman with the crying baby handed the baby to her and left to go the bathroom. Pam swallowed hard and held the baby in the crook of her arm. She rocked it back and forth gently, feeling self conscious and awkward. It's cries had died down to whimpers but it's face was still crumpled and red, it's little body hot in her arms. It was so vulnerable. Innocent. _Fragile. _One wrong move and...she didn't want to think about it anymore. The mother came back and Pam gratefully handed the child back. Her arms felt empty without it.

That night at night Mrs. Beesly made spaghetti. The smell made Pam feel sick but all she could do was sit there and poke at her food, letting the waves of nausea sweep over her.

"Are you okay, honey?" Mrs. Beesly asked worriedly. "You've barely touched your food." Pam pushed a meatball to the side of her plate, fear overwhelming her. This was the perfect opening to tell her parents...

"I...I'm fine, Mom. Just a little tired."

"I've been meaning to talk to you about that." Her mother raised her eyebrows. "You don't get enough sleep these days. And you're so pale..."

"I'm really fine, Mom." Pam tried not to sound annoyed. "I'm just tired."

"Well, I'm just..."

"Leave it, Margaret." Mr. Beesly gave his wife a look and continued eating.

"Actually, Mom, Dad...there's something we have to talk about. And it's...it's really..." How do you tell your parents you're pregnant? Pam took a deep breath and put down her fork. She picked it up and put it down again. She cleared her throat.

"I...I...well, I mean, I..."

"Honey?" Mrs. Beesly sounded confused. Pam felt her hands shake and her throat began to close up.

"I...I got into art school." She blurted out. She clapped a hand to her mouth. She hadn't meant to tell them that! She couldn't go to art school!

"Oh, honey, that's wonderful!" Mrs. Beesly rose and hurried to hug Pam. She squirmed under her mother's embrace, feeling her neck heat up.

"Oh, I, uh...well, I haven't actually decided if I want to you know, go through with it." She hastily tried to backtrack.

"No, Pammy, this is great!" Mr. Beesly beamed at her proudly from his chair. "I'm so proud of you!"

"We both are." Mrs. Beesly chimed in.

"But I don't know if I really want to pursue...a...a career in art." She lied desperately. "What I mean is, art is more of a hobby. A leisure activity." How could she explain? She couldn't possibly go to art school...not _now._

"What are you talking about? This is a fantastic opportunity for you. And it will give you a chance to find out if you _do_ want to have an artistic career." Mr. Beesly said convincingly.

"And if not, it's just a bit of fun." Her mother added.

"Guys...I...don't know. I'll think about it." She stared down at her almost full plate and pushed a forkful of spaghetti side to side. She deliberately kept her eyes down but she could still feel her parents exchange a 'Look' over her head.

Jim lay in bed that night on his side, staring out his window and looking to the round, buttery moon. He was lost. He had no idea what he was supposed to say or do or feel or act. He didn't know who he was or how he got into this mess. How? How could this have happened? He was a good student. He was a nice person. He was responsible. Or...he thought he was.

The next day was cold and still – autumn was fading and silver winter was creeping in. Pam and Jim, and the rest of their class were working on their math test in silence. Most of the students were bundled up in extra sweaters and scarves – Mark had insisted on wearing gloves and ended up cutting the fingers off so he could still write. Pam pointed out it was excessive but he seemed content. Still, even with the heater on full blast, Jim noticed Pam was still shaking. Guilt swept through him. It was his own fault that Pam was forced to suffer through this cold; it was his fault Pam was pregnant and forced to hide it from everyone.

The test seemed to drag on forever for Pam. She realized she wasn't putting in the same amount of effort she usually did, especially in maths, her worst subject. But the cold weather, and the awful symptoms of pregnancy were making Pam feel drowsy and sore. She stared hard at the equation before her. The letters slowly joined the numbers and danced on the page in front of her. She felt panic rising in her chest. What was happening? Maybe she should just rest her eyes for a moment. Just until her head stopped spinning...just until...

"Miss Beesly?" Her maths teacher, Mrs. Hubbard tapped Pam on the shoulder. "_Miss Beesly_. Wake up!" Pam opened her eyes, and shook her head.

"Yes, Mrs. Hubbard?" She felt disorientated but she tried to act calm.

"You fell asleep, are you feeling alright?" She asked, looking concerned.

"Oh! Oh, yes, I'm fine, thank you. I'm sorry, I just...I'm a little tired." She felt her cheeks grow warm and the eyes of her classmates burning into her.

"Alright." Replied Mrs. Hubbard, doubtfully. "But I'm sorry to say your time is up – you need to hand in your test." Pam lowered her head, mortified. She closed her eyes in disbelief and took a deep breath before handing her teacher her test. It was only half done and most of her answers were guessed and only partly finished. How could she let herself fall asleep during a test? She suppressed a groan.

"Are you sure your okay, dear?" She felt Mrs. Hubbard's worried hand on her shoulder. "Perhaps you should go to the nurse." She scanned the room until her eyes landed on Jim who was staring at Pam with worried eyes.

"Ah, Mr Halpert, would you mind escorting Miss Beesly to the nurse?" Jim jumped up and did as she asked. He led Pam out of the classroom gently, guiding her by her arm. She concentrated on the floor, trying to ignore the staring faces. She took seven steps into the nurse's office and fainted.

Pam opened her eyes slowly. Jim was beside her, taking her hand with a worried expression. She glanced around the room, sick bay, empty aside from her and Jim.

"Thank God you woke up. I was about to call the nurse again," he said, relieved. "How do you feel?" Pam blinked and sat up slowly.

"Fine." She muttered. "A little dizzy, maybe." She wished people would stop asking her if she was alright. She knew she was being irrational but she was sick of it.

"Do you want to me to call the nurse?" He asked.

"No, I'm fine." She snapped. "I just...I_ hate_ this. All of this."

"Pam, I think you need a few days of school." He began gently, putting a cold cloth on her forehead. "You're under a lot of pressure and-"

"Jim, I don't have time for a vacation!" That rubber band feeling tightened around her chest. "I have school and...and...I just don't have time!" She exploded. She wanted to slap the baffled look off his face.

"God, you're so ignorant sometimes! Leave! Just leave!" She cried. He lowered his eyes. Silence filled the room.

"Oh, Jim. I am so sorry." She cooled down as quickly as she had flared up. Long awaited tears poured down her cheeks. Jim lingered at the door awkwardly. He watched her as she sat alone on the bed crying into the emptiness that choked the room. A deeper sadness invaded him. It wasn't caused by her words but the sympathy he felt for her. He casually walked back and sat down across from her.

"It's okay, Pam." He took both her hands in his.

"No, it's not. Nothings okay." She took short breaths.

"Yes. It is." He said clearly and firmly. "I understand that this whole thing is difficult and we're going to have to go through a lot. But I'm the one who put you in this situation and I love you. It's going to take more then a few rants to get rid of me." He joked lightly. She smiled faintly, a bit of laughter escaping her lips. There was silence for a moment.

"I think I failed my maths test." She whispered.

"Oh." He winced. "What...uh, happened?"

"I just couldn't concentrate." She said, sniffling. "Between deciding about art school, homework, and...and _everything _I just couldn't concentrate. It was too much."  
"Pam...don't you think it's time we told somebody?" He suggested cautiously.

"We – we told Mark. And Alexa."

"I mean adults."

"No. Not yet." She said quickly, looking away. Jim frowned.

"Okay. But I think we should tell somebody soon." She nodded once, quickly.

"It's just all so hard. I feel terrible all the time. Our parents are going to be furious and-"

"It will all work out." he interrupted to assure her.

"What if we are forbidden to see each other after our parents find out?" Her eyes grew wide with fear.

"I would never let that happen." He said fiercely.

"I love you." She said tearily leaning her head on his shoulder.

"I love you too." He let his head rest on hers. She yawned sleepily. He pulled back carefully, holding her at arm's length.

"How long has it been since you slept?" He asked suspiciously.  
"A couple of nights?" She lied. She hadn't slept properly since she'd found out about the pregnancy. Jim sighed and gently pushed her down.

"I think you should take a nap. I'll wake you up when school is over."

"B-but I have to study for the English essay 4th period! And I have a science test on Thursday."

"You have to sleep." He said firmly. "It's not healthy."

"Fine." She surrendered. Crying had made her sleepy and despite her schoolwork, a little sleep was welcomed. She slipped under the covers of the sick bay bed, and with one last teary smile at Jim, shut her eyes and fell asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. 

**Yay, long chapter! I have to say, I feel happy with this chapter. It was harder to write but I feel pretty good about it, getting some of those feelings out into the plot. Hope you enjoyed and reviews are always welcome. Thanks for reading! =]**


	8. Chapter 8

Jim, Mark and Alexa were sitting under a large oak tree at lunchtime when Pam stormed up.

"71 percent!" She growled, sitting down. She slapped the maths test down to show them.

"Hey, that's great!" Mark said happily, unwrapping his sandwich. "Weren't you afraid you'd fail?"

"I might as well have failed it!" she said through gritted teeth. The other three exchanged brief worried looks.

"But you didn't." Alexa said soothingly. "And there's always next time-"

"But _this_ time was a total failure." Pam interrupted. There was an awkward silence. Finally, Jim spoke up.

"Well, don't worry about it. You can't do anything about it now." She sighed.

"What did you get?" She narrowed her eyes to prove a point. He shifted slightly.

"Uh, 89 percent..." he coughed. She sighed and flipped through the pages of her test, trying to figure out where she'd gone wrong.

"Look, forget about the test, Pam. It was _one_ test. In the grand scheme of things, is it really that bad? I mean, look, I got a 65 on that test. I'm fine!" Mark said, deliberately making his voice extra cheery. She knew he was trying to make her feel better and she smiled faintly. She pressed her palms to her eyes, wishing the headache she'd had all day would disappear. She was exhausted, and she knew it. She hadn't slept in so long, and it was catching up with her. But there was no time for eating or sleeping at the moment. She had a major test the next morning, and she couldn't afford to get a 71% on this one; she wanted to get full marks…she needed to get full marks. She was determined not to let this baby get in the way of her marks.

"Are you okay? I have some aspirin in my bag." Alexa offered.

"No, it's fine. Just a little headache." She felt Jim's worried gaze on her and she kept her eyes on her food pointedly.

"I once got a 54 on an English essay." Jim spoke up.

"I got 23 percent on a geography test once." Alexa jumped in, trying to make Pam feel better. Mark scoffed.

"That's nothing. I got 18 percent last year on a maths_ exam_." He said as if it were something to be proud of. They were off, comparing schoolwork war stories. Pam laughed and kept a steady face but she wasn't really listening, not properly. Her feet were swelling up and her morning sickness was just getting worse. She was sure someone, like her parents, would figure it out soon. Her thoughts were interrupted when Jim reached over and took a bite of her forgotten sandwich.

"Oh, I wouldn't if I were y-" She tried to warn him just before he took a bite – and spit it out.

"Holy – what the hell is this?" He spluttered. Pam hid a smile behind her hand

"Um. Skittles and peanut butter. Cravings. Sorry." A giggle escaped. Jim peeled back the bread and looked at the rainbow of skittles.

"Our baby is going to come out multicolored." He shook his head. Alexa and Mark just rolled around on the grass killing themselves with laughter.

Pam and Alexa stood in the girls' bathroom after lunch, reapplying makeup and brushing their hair.

"Hey, Al?"

"Hm?" Alexa slicked on some lip gloss.

"Do you think I can do this?" Alexa put down her lip gloss and stared at Pam.

"Pamela Beesly." She said firmly. "You are a beautiful and talented person, and the best, most loyal friend I have ever had. You have to overcome the obstacles in life and learn and gain from the experience and become a better person because of it. Do not let people define you by this situation, let the situation make you who you are! And I know you will because you are who you are." Pam felt tears behind her eyelids and a smile forming.

"Alexa." She sniffled. "Thank you...for just being here for me. I mean, I'm pregnant. Jim could have left me. You could have ignored me and just been friends with someone else – so could Mark for that matter. I'm so lucky to have you guys and I don't-" She stopped suddenly, her eyes growing wide. Caroline Fowler opened the door of one of the bathroom stalls and walked out, cheeks flushed. They hadn't realized anyone else was in the bathroom. The sudden silence in the room was deafening. The three girls eyes each other, Alexa and Pam trying to calculate how much Caroline could have heard. The girl's eyes darted between them before she washed her hands and left. Alexa gave her a hard stare as she passed. The door swung shut and Pam let out a long breath. She looked at Alexa, her heart crashing against her chest and fear swelling up inside her.

"Holy crap." Alexa finally breathed. "Do you...do you think she heard?"

"_Crap,_ Alex! I don't know! I...I...she is going to tell _everyone_." She wrung her hands desperately.

"Calm down. Calm down...we, well, we could talk to her. Tell her not to tell a soul."

"But what if she doesn't know? Then we'll just be _telling_ her." She shut her eyes and pressed her palm against her forehead. "I am _so_ dead."

Mark walked down the school hallway to his next class. He noticed several groups of students tightly huddled and talking quickly in low voices. Some girl leaned over to her friend and whispered into her ear. Mark rolled his eyes – some new school rumor. There was a new one every week practically and generally Mark didn't have much patience for it. He ignored the whispers and unlocked his locker. He glanced at Caroline Fowler whose locker was next to his. He shared a few classes with her – swishy red hair and fiery green eyes. She was always whispering and laughing in class, she was the school gossip and always had the latest news.

"What's everyone talking about?" He asked. Her eyebrows shot right up, almost disappearing into her fringe. Her eyes glinted and her hair spun out like an oriental fan and she whipped around to face him.

"You mean you haven't heard?" She said eagerly. He raised his eyebrows expectantly, indicating he hadn't. She leaned forward conspiratorially.

"_Pam Beesly is pregnant." _He stopped listening, blood draining from his face. He dropped his papers and pens over the floor, turned and ran. He had to find Jim. Everything had just go a lot messier.

Pam woke up at around 4am. She crept downstairs and sat at the kitchen table. She drew her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them, resting her chin on her knees. She drew in a shuddering breath and closed her eyes. She had no idea it was possible to be this scared. Everything was changing. Everything she had known and was sure of was fading and fresh fears were replacing them. Behind her eyelids, movies played that she didn't want to see. She traced a pattern on the kitchen table, staring at nothing in the darkness. The moon was disappearing into the morning and the curtains were shut, leaving everything in a dull, empty hole of black. She sat there for a long time – she vaguely wondered how long. An hour? Maybe two. Finally her mother came down the stairs and shuffled into the kitchen in her slippers and dressing gown. She didn't turn on the light though. Pam sat silently as her mom flicked a switch on the coffee machine and took some milk out of the fridge. She made a mug of coffee and turned, finally noticing Pam. Mrs. Beesly drew in a sharp breath and jumped backwards.

"Oh, sweetie, I didn't see you there." She breathed, relieved. "What are you doing up so early?" Pam wanted to cry, just hug her mother tightly and cry and cry and cry and cry until it was all over and gone, forgotten in the past. She wanted to curl up and turn the clock back a thousand years. She wanted to open her mouth and let every pent up word and feeling pour out. But she couldn't do a thing. She just sat there.

"Pam? Pam, say something." Her mother looked at her, confused and concerned. Somewhere between her chest and her throat, she found her voice.

"I'm having a baby." She whispered into the darkness.

**Ooh, cliffhanger! So, should have the next chapter up soon. Hope you enjoyed. =]**

**P.S Quick update, I'm getting better at this updating thing, huh?**


	9. Chapter 9

"What? I'm sorry, I just woke up."

"I'm having a baby." Pam repeated.

"What do you mean your having a baby? Is this some sort of school assignment?" She could hear the panic rising in her mother's voice, mixed with disbelief.

"No...I'm pregnant?"

"Pam, that's impossible. You can't be pregnant." Mrs. Beesly laughed.

"Well, I am." There was a painful pause.

"But...how did this happen? Didn't you even _think_ about it?" Her voice was getting louder and madder.

"I did – I just never thought a guy would want to do it with me. I-I wasn't..."

"You weren't what, Pam? You weren't ready? Of course you weren't ready! You're practically a child!"

"I'm not a child, Mom. And I was ready. It was a_ mistake_, okay?" Now all her angry emotions were overflowing. She was getting mad.

"We just never talk anymore! Don't blame me because you don't even talk to your own daughter anymore."

"Pamela Morgan Beesly, don't you _dare_ turn this around on me." Mrs. Beesly snapped. She flicked on the light. The darkness vanished and light showed all the ugly bits underneath, the anger and fear. Pam deflated and leaned back in her chair. She closed her eyes.

"I'm sorry." She whimpered. She heard a chair scrape back and her mother sit down. When she opened her eyes, she saw her mother with her head in her hands. She felt like crying.

"I'm sorry, Mommy." She said again, quietly.

"Oh, honey. My poor baby."

"I'm sorry."

"I know you are Pam. And I'm sorry you're going through this. You can stop apologizing, sweetie. But it's happening and we have to take responsibility and get through this. And I'll help you." Her voice was shaking. Pam felt large salty tears slip down her cheeks. She didn't know it was possible to be this scared. Her mother's voice pulled her back.

"What are you most afraid of?" Pam glanced up – it was like she had read her mind. Her mother was staring at her determinedly but softly.

"That it will hurt." She gave a halfhearted laugh.

"Oh it will! But don't worry. I'll be right there with you. What else?"

"I...I guess I'm scared about how the other kids will react. They'll laugh at me. And spread rumors."

"Pam. Those kids don't matter. If they don't understand and accept you, if they don't know the whole story, then ignore them. They are the least of your worries right now. Don't waste your time worrying about them when they don't really matter. Keep your chin up and eyes ahead. Let them talk. What they say isn't important."

"And Jim. I'm scared of what they'll say to Jim." She noticed a small twitch in her mother's jaw at the mention of Jim. Crap.

"Jim is tough. He can handle that. You have each other. And you have me. And your mother. You have Alexa. You have Mark. You have Penny. You are surrounded by people who love you and support you Pam. Ultimately, what you decide to do is your decision – but whatever your choice I will support you 100% along the way. No matter what."

"Daddy will be so upset." Pam whispered as a tear dropped off her jawline.

"Daddy will understand. He loves you, sweetie, we both do. Nothing can change that." She leaned over and kissed Pam's forehead. Pam rested her head on her mother's shoulder and cried and cried, letting the tears soak into the dressing gown. She cried out of pain and anger and sadness and fear and fatigue. She cried the tears she had held in for so long that only a mother could wipe away.

"How are...could you tell Dad? Please?" was silent for a long time. She smoothed her daughter's hair back gently.

"Honey, I think maybe you should. But I'll be in the room." Pam didn't say anything. She knew her mother was right, she should be the one to tell her father. She didn't know how long but at some point her father shuffled in, eyes blurry.

"Honey?" She wasn't sure who he was talking to but he sounded confused.

"Pam? Are you okay?" She tried to find words inside her but she couldn't. Her mother sighed loudly and stood up, walking over to her husband. She gave Pam a sad, sympathetic smile.

"Dad." Pam said. Her voice was dull. She didn't know what to feel anymore. She was just exhausted. She stared hard at the table. "I'm pregnant." Her voice had gone very small all of a sudden.

The room was painfully quiet. The only sounds were the clock ticking and a dog barking next door. Finally she looked up and met her father's shocked eyes.

Without a word spoken tears rushed down Pam's face. Mrs. Beesly wrapped her arm around Mr. Beesly. He wrapped his arms around his wife. "How could you do this?" he asked angrily.

"I...Dad..."

"Who's the father?" His voice was controlled now but his jaw twitched.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled weakly, "I didn't mean to."  
"Who's the father?" he repeated through clenched teeth. Mrs. Beesly spoke up.

"Jim Halpert."  
"Jim." He sighed, all the anger gone from his face suddenly.

"Well." He slumped into a chair. "Better Jim then somebody else, I suppose."

"Daddy, I'm so sorry. So sorry." He nodded.

"I know, sweetheart." He reached out and took her hand in his. "I know. It's okay."

Alexa and Pam sat in Alexa's room later that day, after school.

"I'm so proud of you. Trust me, I'm sure things will get a lot better. Don't you feel better knowing they know? They can support you and help you." Alexa said comfortingly.

"I do feel kind of better." Pam admitted. "Like this huge weight has been lifted, knowing they know."

"Hey, I picked this book up at some old bookstore downtown." Alexa said after a moment of silence. She passed Pam a small, pocket sized book with thick red lettering. _The Pregnancy Guide_.

"The pregnancy guide?"

"Yeah, it like, talks you through the weeks of pregnancy."

"Cool. Thanks." Alexa took the book back and flipped through the pages.

"Let's see." She said. "You're about three months pregnant."

"Yep."

"So. Have you got food cravings?"

"Yes," she groaned. "The weirdest stuff."

"Headaches? Nausea?"

"Yep. I had a killer headache last night and I can barely keep my food down."

"Too much information, pal."

"Sorry. What else?"

"Food aversions?"

"Yep."

"Oh, hey, it says morning sickness will end by month four – only one month to go!"

"Oh, _hooray._ Only four more weeks of throwing up." She couldn't help snapping. Alexa was silent for a moment.

"You know, it's normal to feel sick regularly while you're pregnant. The doctor said so.

"I know what she said, I was there. This is just so annoying. Like, on top of everything, I get to sweat all the time, and get heartburn and headaches and throw up and feel hungry all the time. This is ridiculous! Pregnancy sucks. And everyone was whispering about me today in school, I could practically see the wheels turning in their heads, trying to figure out if the rumors were true or not." Alexa smiled sympathetically.

"You'll feel better by around month four or five." She pointed out helpfully. Pam turned to her, eyes fiery and angry.

"I wish," she growled. "You would _shut up_ about month four."

"Well, _sorreee._" Alexa sang lightly, not sounding sorry at all. She turned back to the book. "Moodiness. Oh, _I'll_ answer that one."

"Oh, hush." Pam said irritably.

"What did Jim say? About your parents?" Alexa asked, ignoring Pam's bad mood.

"He said he was proud of me for telling them and he's going to try to tell his tonight." Pam opened the window and lay on her back on the floor.

"Maybe your parents should tell his parents. And they could have that hushed parent discussion."

"My parents already had the hushed, secretive discussion." Pam told her. "I try to listen at the door but I couldn't hear anything."

"Tsk, tsk. It's wrong to eavesdrop." Alexa said. Pam smirked.

"It's not eavesdropping." She protested. "It's controlled overhearing." Then they both burst out laughing. Once they caught themselves, Pam sighed.

"The night Jim and I...uh, did it, we had protection." Pam confessed. "He had a condom and I'd even gone on birth control a few weeks before because of my periods."  
"And still you got pregnant." Alexa said softly. Pam nodded.

"And still I got pregnant." She repeated. "...Damn my fertile eggs." It only took a glance between the two friends before they laughed again, so hard that their sides hurt.

Jim bounced the basketball on the blacktop. He'd stayed after school until all the students had left and the basketball court was empty. Swish. The ball dropped neatly into the net without brushing the sides. If only everything was that easy. He caught the ball easily and dribbled it along carelessly. He wondered how to tell his parents. He wanted to ask Pam how she did it but for some reason that felt too personal. And furthermore, how the hell was he supposed to face her parents again? They probably hated his guts. No, they definitely hated his guts, he decided.

"How did this happen?" He wondered aloud.

"Well, you see Jim, when two people love each other very much..." a voice said from behind him. Jim spun around, dropping the basketball.

"Shit, Mark!" He exclaimed. "You scared me."

"Sorry." His friend picked up the basketball and threw it in a neat arc. It hit the back board and missed the basketball.

"Pathetic." Jim joked, catching it on a bounce.

"Don't forget who taught you to use skateboard."

"That has nothing to do with basketball." Jim pointed out. Mark grinned.

"Yeah, I know. So. Decided how you're going to tell your parents?"

"Nope."

"Maybe you should talk to Pam's parents – you know, have them call your parents."

"That would be to big of a deal. I feel like I should prepare them."

"Do it quickly then," Mark suggested. "Like a band aid. Sit them down, tell them calmly."

"I thought of that, but how are you supposed to do that? Oh hey, Mom, Dad, I got an A on my geography test and by the way, my girlfriend is pregnant."

"...Congratulations on the A."

"I got a B, that was just an example."

"Oh."

"Yeah." Jim dropped the basketball and they both watched as it rolled off the court and down a slope.

"I hate this." Jim said.

"I know, man. I know." Mark clapped him on the shoulder and they stood like that for a long time.

**Hope you enjoyed this chapter, guys. =] **


	10. Chapter 10

Dear everyone:

I am so sorry. Ugh! I can't believe I haven't updated in soo long. I'm really sorry, I've been totally swamped with school and...okay I was just feeling lazy, k? No, really guys, I am sorry and I'm _definitely_ going to be updating soon. I'm hoping to update both Yours Forever and a Heart Full of Hope sometime next week but more importantly, week after next I'm on holidays where I hope to update a _lot. _

Anyway, hope you guys haven't given up on me! Please keep reading. =]

Love StarStrewn. xx


	11. Chapter 11

Pam walked to school, already late. There was no one in the parking lot. She had already missed the first ten minutes of class, and she considered skipping the rest. But then she would be a coward. She knew the kids at school knew and she had to face them sometime. She just didn't know how. Then she recognized Jim's bike in the bike rack. Tears sprung to her eyes. Poor Jim. She kept forgetting he was struggling too. Well, if Jim could do it, she could do it. She _would_ do it. For him.

She ran up to the building, trying to keep her footsteps quiet. They seemed incredibly loud on the damp pavement. Shaking her hair out, Pam walked quickly to her first period class. She opened the door and kept her head high as she walked in. Almost immediately a hum fell over the class. Very quietly people began to whisper but they all kept their eyes on Pam. She felt accusing glares and sympathetic ones and Jim's concerned one. She knew she probably looked awful with shadows under her eyes and tousled hair.

"So nice of you to join us, Miss Beesly," Mr Cebel said pointedly. She blushed and headed to her seat, muttering an apology.

"Care to tell us why you were late, Miss Beesly?" he said, blocking her from her seat.

"Er...family problems, sir." She improvised. Well, it was sort of true. He raised an eyebrow but let her brush past and went on with the lesson. She walked quickly to her seat and sat down. She could feel Jim's worried gaze on her as he took in her appearance. She kept her head down and her mouth drawn in a tight line. Every eye in the class was burning into her but she ignored it all and wrote notes furiously. After an eternity the bell rang and she gathered her things quickly. She was stopped when Jim grabbed her wrist.

"Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yep."

"They know."

"I know. Caroline heard Alexa and I speaking in the bathroom." Jim shook his head.

"I can't believe she told people." Pam felt tears pricking her eyes but she swallowed hard and stared into Jim's eyes.

"I guess they were going to find out eventually." She was pleased that her voice came out steady. Jim wrapped his arm around her waist and led her to her next class. She leaned into his embrace and followed him, glad for the protection.

She didn't want to face anyone by third period so she slipped into the library. It wasn't long before Alexa found her and sat beside her.

"Hey." She said.

"Hey."

"Everyone's talking about it." Alexa said. Pam rolled her eyes.

"Well, gee, thanks so much. I had no idea, I thought everyone was just staring 'cause I was having a bad hair day." Alexa gave Pam a once-over.

"I have to say you don't look your best." She said honestly.

"Alexa!"

"Well, its true!" She said defensively. Then she sighed. "I'm sorry. If its any help I told Caroline Fowler to shut her fat mouth and keep her nose out of other people's business." Pam couldn't help smiling.

"That does help, a little." She admitted.

"Look Pam. You can get through this." Alexa said earnestly. "It sucks, it really sucks, but if anyone can do this it's you." Pam shook her head sadly.

"I'm not so sure anymore, Al. I'm just not sure."

Jim and Pam walked into the cafeteria doors and the entire room turned in their chairs, craning their necks to stare at them. Pam let out a muffled squeak and glared at her shoes, biting her lip. Jim stared straight ahead and led her to their table where Mark and Alexa sat. Whispers followed them and Pam blushed harder and harder.

"I'm here for you." He reminded her quietly as they sat down. Pam didn't respond, just took a bite of her sandwich. Their friends quietly observed them, their faces stony.

"How are you?" Alexa finally asked gently.

"I'm fine." Pam snapped, and her friend recoiled. Pam sighed. "I'm sorry, Al. I'm just freaking out."

"It's okay." They all ate quietly for a good minute until Alexa broke the silence, chattering away about shopping for Pam.

"….and Pam, you can't avoid shopping forever. You're going to need plenty of new clothes for these next few months."

"Those clothes were not designed for a teenage girl." Pam said dryly.

"Well, you're going to have to find something that works, because I won't have you going around looking unfashionable." Alexa laughed but it sounded forced and too loud in the quiet cafeteria. Pam tensed.

"Calm down, it's alright." Jim whispered.

"Alright for _you_." She retorted. "You got me pregnant. I'm the one that has to go through this hell."

Alexa and Mark glanced at each other awkwardly.

"Can I talk to you?" Jim asked, standing up and starting towards the hallway before she could even respond. She followed him into the hallway and he faced her, running one of his hands through his hair. "Look, Pam. I know I promised to support you through this, and I will, but could you please not talk to me like that in front of our friends?"

"Like what, exactly?" She said harshly. Jim frowned.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you've been kind of short with me lately."

"Oh? I've been short with you? Well excuse me, I'm a little exhausted from puking all morning and suffering through this. I feel like total shit, Jim, because _you_ got me pregnant!" Jim looked even madder.

"Believe it or not Pam, that was not exactly my intention!" He threw his hands in the air, anger bubbling up inside him.

"It wasn't mine either but now _I _have to deal with it!" She spun on her heel and stormed down the hall, leaving Jim alone.

He did this to her. He got her pregnant and possibly ruined her life. Jim muffled a groan and slid his head into his hands. He sat on his bed miserably. The day had been awful. Whispers had followed him everywhere, the news even reached teachers who eyed him with curiosity. And of course, the fight with Pam. Would she hate him forever?

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong any time soon?" His older brother, Jack, asked impatiently. He lingered in the doorway and stared at Jim.

"No." Jim answered bluntly, turning away. He heard Jack sigh.

"Are you...you and Pam fighting or something? 'Cause it doesn't matter. You guys are so in love its sickening to watch."

"You can leave any time you like." Jim snapped. Jack rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, okay, whatever. But Pam called and said to tell you that...everything is gonna be fine and she's going to handle it. Whatever that means." Jack turned on his heel and marched out. It took Jim a full minute to register what his brother had said and then his head snapped up. Handle it? She didn't mean...an abortion? No. She was against that idea, firmly. She couldn't mean that...he stumbled downstairs and lunged for the phone.

"Er, may I please speak to Pam?" He asked nervously when her mother answered. There was a long pause.

"Please, Mrs Beesly. I'm so sorry, I am, I never meant to do this to her...but I really need to speak to her."

"Yes. Alright James. She's right here, hold on a moment." She said in an oddly stiff voice.

"Thank you Mrs Beesly." There was a scuffle and some whispering and then Pam spoke.

"Jim?"

"Pam! Thank God...can...can we talk?" On the other end, Pam glanced at her watch.

"It's nine, I was planning to go to bed early tonight."

"It won't take too long, I promise."

"Well, I guess so." She agreed reluctantly.

"I'm sorry." He said immediately. "I'm so sorry, Pam, for the way I acted. It was stupid, I was just kind of freaking out. I mean, you're pregnant. With a baby." He was on a roll now. "If you let me make this right, I'll be better. Please, please forgive. Please don't kill this baby." There was a long silence.

"Jim, I can't keep this baby." She whispered, tears stinging her eyes. "I can't be a teenage mother! You saw what happened at school today, everyone stared.

"You can't kill our baby." He said firmly, a hint of anger in his voice. "It's...it's ours. He or she was created by us and we're supposed to keep it safe. We're it's parents."

"Have you even though this through?" Pam hissed. "Do you know what this can lead to? Parenthood, adulthood, responsibility, commitment. I just can't do that at our age, Jim." Jim was quiet for a long, painful moment. He felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. He wanted this baby. He pinched the bridge of his nose to keep tears from coming and finally spoke, trying to keep his voice steady.

"If you can forgive me, Pam, it's...it's up to you." He said. "It's your choice. If you let me back in."

"I forgive you. I'm sorry too. And thanks for letting me make this decision, I really feel it's best." Jim swallowed. Pam spoke again.

"I'm really tired, Jim, I think I'll go to bed. My mum is driving me to Planned Parenthood tomorrow. To...uh, take care of everything. Do you...would you like to come?" Jim stiffened and clutched the receiver tightly.

"I don't know if I can, Pam. I want to be there for you but..." he sighed heavily. "I just can't. You can come over afterward if you'd like." He muttered.

"Okay. Thanks." She said quietly. "Good night Jim."

"Night Pam. I love you."

"I love you too. No matter what."


	12. Chapter 12

Jim sat in English miserably the next day. All he could think about was Pam. She didn't want their baby. She saw it as a burden. And he'd done it to her. Jim sat restlessly flipping through the pages of his English book, unable to concentrate. Pam's appointment was at 2:00 and she would come over after school, at around 3:00. Jim wasn't sure who would need more comforting, him or her. He knew it wasn't a good time to have a child but he still felt attached to this baby. He wondered how Pam couldn't feel that. She was almost four months pregnant now. Surely she felt some attachment? Jim sighed. He wished he had the bravery to talk to her about it. He wanted to tell her that he loved her and this baby, that he would be okay with raising it. With being a family. But he'd said it was her decision and he wanted her to do what she wanted. Still...this child wouldn't even be given the chance to be loved by them. They would never meet it or see it's tiny toes and fingers or it's wispy hair or it's first smile. This baby would be gone in a matter of minutes. Jim clenched his pencil tightly. He couldn't stop her, if he did Pam would resent both him and the baby. She thought the baby would hold her back, and he couldn't blame her. He just had to accept this.

"Pamela Beesky?" Pam raised her hand meekly.

"Beesly." She said, barely above a whisper. "It's Pamela Beesly. Or Pam. I prefer Pam..." she trailed off. The receptionist smiled gently, so kindly it made Pam want to cry. She stood up with shaky legs and dug her nails into her palm.

"Do you want me to go in with you sweetie?" Her mother offered. Pam shook her head.

"No thanks. I'd rather do this alone." She said. She was going to do this. It was for the best, she reminded herself. So why couldn't she stop thinking about the baby that grew within her? The baby that had been created through love and passion.

"Miss Beesly?" The receptionist asked again. She gestured toward the exam room. "The doctor is ready for you." She entered the room, wringing her hands. The receptionist went back to her desk and left Pam alone in the room. Moments later a nurse entered.

"Hello Pamela." She smiled warmly. "Do you have any questions before the procedure?" Pam stared at her shoes.

"Will it hurt?" She asked quietly.

"No more then your cramps when you're on your period."

"Wish I was on my period right now." Pam muttered under her breath.

"Are you ready?" The nurse asked. Pam looked up, stricken.

"No, wait!" She cried. "How will I feel afterward?"

"It's different for every girl." The nurse answered calmly. "We offer counseling afterward until you can accept it."

"Um...okay...I suppose I'm ready then..." The woman paused.

"Do you want me to call anyone? Want to wait for anyone?" She asked gently. Pam shook her head. Her mind immediately went to Jim. Jim...she couldn't do this. She couldn't take the life of their child.

"I'm sorry, I can't, I have to go!" She blurted out making a dash for the door.

"Miss Beesly! Do you want to reschedule?" She called afterward.

"No!" She practically shouted. Her mother said nothing on the drive home, she simply squeezed her daughter's hand.

"Where to?" She asked softly.

"Jim's. Please, mom." Pam said in a choked voice. "Take me to Jim's." Sitting in the car with her hands on her stomach, it finally hit her. She loved this baby.

Someone was pounding frantically on the Halpert's front door. Jim hurried to the door, anxious just as his mother appeared behind him.

"Who's that?" She asked, frowning. Jim didn't answer, just opened the door. Pam? The second he opened the door, Pam flung herself into his arms sobbing and clutching him frantically.

"Whoa, whoa...Pam...what's wrong?" He whispered in her ear, rubbing small circles on her back.

"I couldn't do it!" She wailed, tears soaking into his shirt. "I was there and the receptionist was all, Pam Beesky? And...and...I couldn't stop thinking about how this is..." She seemed to notice Mrs Halpert then because she stopped talking and wiped at her tears, embarrassed.

"Let's go upstairs." Jim suggested quickly, starting for the staircase. Mrs Halpert blocked the staircase with confused eyes.

"What on earth," she asked slowly, "is going on?" She glanced between the two scared faces. "_James_." She said when she was met by silence.

"I'm pregnant." Pam blurted out tearfully bursting into fresh tears. Jim's heart sunk as he saw his mother's face pale and fall.

"I think...we should talk." Mrs Halpert said finally, gesturing towards the den. Pam sat beside Jim and let out a little whimper, closing her eyes, tears seeping out from under her eyelashes. In a desperate attempt to comfort her, Jim kissed her hand and held it tightly. She stopped crying after awhile while Mrs Halpert talked to Pam's parents on the phone. She didn't say much, clearly Mrs Beesly was explaining the recent events. Finally she hung up and immediately dialed another number. She spoke to her husband in quick, hushed tones and told him the news. Jim swallowed hard and Pam squeezed his hand in an attempt to comfort him. Finally his mother hung up and stared the Jim and Pam warily. She handed Pam a tissue gently. Mrs Halpert studied them, rubbing her neck with her thumb, something she always did when nervous.

"Well." She said. "Well...your parents are on their way, dear." She said to Pam. She took off her reading glasses and rubbed her eyes. "And your father is on his way home from work too." She told Jim.

"Mom...I'm so sorry." Jim said quietly.

"We both are." Pam added earnestly. "We really, really are."

"I see. Well, we certainly trusted both of you and I have to say I'm very disappointed in both of you." Mrs Halpert said solemnly. "But I suppose we can't do much about it now." She took a deep breath.

"Er, how far along are you?" She asked Pam.

"3 months." She answered promptly. "Four in a week."

"Almost halfway there." They exchanged awkward smiles.

"Yep."

"So what are you considering? Obviously not abortion..."

"I...we haven't really decided on anything yet." Jim spoke up. Mrs Halpert nodded wisely.

"Well its up to you two, obviously. I'll support you no matter what you choose to do."

"Thanks mom." Jim said softly. 20 minutes later, Mr and Mrs Beesly arrived followed by Mr Halpert. They sat around the den silently, untouched teas and coffees around them. Mr Halpert was giving Jim a stony glare which he carefully avoided while Pam's parents stared at the carpet. Silence had never sounded so loud.

"I know you're really mad," Jim broke the ice. "And I know this isn't what you expected. I know you're upset. I'm really sorry for putting you through this. I'm disappointed in myself, too."

"Me too." Pam chimed in. While Pam's parents and Mrs Halpert nodded in understanding and forgiveness, Mr Halpert continued to stare at Jim.

"Pam, Jim?" Mrs Beesly said finally. They both turned to her. "It might be best if the adults discussed this alone for a minute or two."

"Sure." They practically ran from the room. Jim shut the door softly and without a word they dropped to their knees and pressed their ears to the door.

"Ugh. Can you hear anything?" She whispered.

"My dad is talking in this really growl-y voice. He's mad."

"Understandably."

"Did you see the way he was staring at me?" Jim said. "He's gonna kill me as soon as you guys leave."

"Then I guess I can't leave." She smiled. He laughed as quietly as he could.

"Guess not."

"Ooh, wait, I hear something." Pam said.

"Becoming a teenage parent affects your education, career and financial future." Mrs Halpert was saying in an official voice. "We can help with their making decisions and we can support their choices." Jim could practically see his father rolling his eyes. "We can be a source of guidance and encouragement." She added earnestly.

"How could they have done this? They're barely teenagers!" Mr Halpert exploded.

"Oh, Pete, face the facts. They're closer to adulthood and at least they told us."

"Four months into the pregnancy!"

"Three. Technically three." Mrs Beesly spoke up.

"Almost four, actually." Mr Beesly corrected.

"Oh, for Gods' sake!" Mr Halpert said. "What are we going to do?"

"Well, not abortion." The two mothers said at the same time.

"Adoption?" Mr Beesly suggested.

"It's really up to them. Right?" Mrs Halpert said. The Beeslys agreed firmly.

"Right, Pete?" She said in a stern voice.

"Right." He agreed gruffly at last.

"I think," Pam's mother said, "we should just deal with the situation. They're in this situation and all we can do now is support them and do whatever we can. But ultimately, it's up to them." Their voices dropped again to muffled whispers and Pam and Jim slumped against the door, absorbing what they'd heard. A few minutes later the door swung open and they jumped to their feet.

"Well." Mr Halpert said. He sounded a lot calmer and reasonable now. "We've decided as punishment you won't be home alone together and if you go to your room together you must keep the door open at all times. But now that this has happened we don't really believe it will happen again. We can't keep you two apart since you're both going to be parents now and therefore we've decided that punishment was unnecessary. You'll suffer though this and everything that goes with being pregnant." He declared.

"But we're here for you. Through it all." Mrs Beesly chimed in as an afterthought.

"Thank you for being so understanding," Pam spoke up. "And we really are sorry."

"I know you are sweetheart." There were a lot of hugs and tears from the mothers but finally the Beesly family decided to go home. It had been a long day but in the end Pam was relieved. Everything was out in the open. A huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

_Tap. Tap. Tap. _Something was hitting Pam's window. She opened her eyes in the darkness of the night and rolled over. The flashing numbers on her clock read 12:47. Heart pounding she padded over to the window in her slippers. Squinting in the darkness she saw Jim standing on the lawn gesturing for her to come down. Her eyes widened in shock. Quickly she threw a sweatshirt over her flannel pajamas and sneaked downstairs as quietly as she could. She slipped out the door and grabbed Jim by the arm.

"Are you insane?" She demanded. "We are already in so much trouble! What are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He said in a hushed voice. "I just wanted to talk about what happened today. I couldn't wait."

"Our parents were so great about it." Pam said softly.

"I know. My dad gave me a huge lecture once you guys were gone but now he's being pretty great with it. My mom told Jack. Does Penny know?"

"Yeah. Mom called her yesterday and told her. She was actually excited, believe it or not." Pam rolled her eyes but she was truthfully very relieved at her sister's reaction.

"Really?" Jim muffled his laughter. "Typical Penny."

"Yeah. She was shocked but now she's talking about shopping for maternity clothes and naming the baby and everything."

"But...but what do _you_ want to do?" Jim asked.

"I don't want to keep this baby." She admitted softly, closing her eyes tightly. Jim paused and wrapped his arms around her.

"What?" He asked, stunned. "You said- I thought you didn't…_couldn't_-"

"No." She said quickly. "I was, uh, thinking about adoption. Um….how do you feel about that?" His grip loosened, but he didn't speak. "I was thinking we could give the baby up for adoption. And…and we could start over."

"This that what you want?" He asked finally in a hushed tone.

"I can't do this, Jim. I am not ready to be a mother. Is a adoption something you can consider? Would you want that?"

"Whatever _you_ want, I want." Jim whispered. "I support you, no matter what." Then he dropped his arms, shrugging out of her embrace. She was a little stung. She pulled on the sleeve of her shirt.

"Oh, hey, I got you something." Jim said suddenly. "Well, actually my mother dug it out of the attic before you left. She told me to give this to you and to say she's you know, here for you." He pulled a small book out of his back pocket and handed it to her.

"She said it helped a lot when she was pregnant." Pam flipped through the pages carefully, imagining Mrs Halpert doing the same so long ago. There was advice and tips on how to get through the pregnancy and at the back of the book there was a long list of suggested names. She smiled to herself.

"Thank you. Thank her for me." She murmured, touched. She smiled up at him, tears welling in her eyes.

"Hey." He said, pulling her back into his arms. "It's alright. It's all going to be alright. We can do this."

"I know we can." She took a deep breath and drew back.

"From now on," she said, "we should start acting responsible. We got ourselves into this situation and we have to handle it now. No more fights or...or anything. We're really lucky to have such understand parents and I want to make this as easy as possible for them." Jim smiled and nodded, his eyes shining. He was so lucky to have her, he thought to himself.

"Yes." He said. "Definitely. And we can do this. Right?"

"Right."

**Reviews are always welcome! Thanks for reading you guys and if you have any requests/advice/ideas feel free to let me know. =] **


	13. Chapter 13

Pam, Jim and their mothers walked into the doctor's office on Wednesday afternoon for Pam's first official check up.

"Beesly." Pam informed the receptionist, and she heard her mother sniff behind them.

"Mom, you can only cry once you actually _see _the baby." She teased.

"I'm just so excited." She admitted. Pam and Jim exchanged grins. Their parents had warmed up to the idea of having the baby.

"The doctor will be with you shortly." The receptionist said in a friendly voice, but Pam saw the way she took in their obvious youth. Pam felt her cheeks grow hot – she was painfully aware of the small bump rising on her stomach. Jim led them to the waiting room and they all sat down on the plush couches.

"This is so exciting." Mrs Halpert said. She smiled brightly. Jim knew she was excited but he could also see she felt a bit uncomfortable being here with two teenagers.

"I'm kind of excited too." Pam admitted.

"I wonder if it'll be a girl or boy." Jim said.

"You can't tell this early." Pam told him. "Besides, don't you want to be surprised?"

"Sure." He said, smiling. "But I'm betting on a boy, not gonna lie." His mother rolled her eyes, smiling.

"I think it'll be a girl." She said.

"Me too." Pam and her mother said at the same time. Jim laughed.

"We'll see." He said knowingly.

"Beesly? The doctor is ready for you." The receptionist called, pointing to the door at the far end of the room.

"Thank you." They all said in unison, and we walked into the small room. The doctor was a cheerful, middle-aged woman with blonde hair and high cheekbones.

"Hi. You must be Pamela, I'm Dr. Jane Masen." She extended her hand and Pam shook it.

"Hi, Dr. Masen. Um, you can call me Pam." Mrs Beesly cleared her throat and Pam blushed. "Oh! And this is my mother, Elizabeth Beesly. And this," she took Jim's hand "is Jim Halpert and his mother."

"It's nice to meet you all." Dr. Masen said brightly, shaking their hands. "Now Pam, I'm going to do your exam first, then an ultrasound. And I'll get you some pictures, but I highly doubt will be able to see much at this stage of the pregnancy."

"Alright." She agreed.

"I'm going to need you to change into this" she handed her a thin gown, "and sit up on the table."

"Oh…um okay." She cast a glance around the room and Dr. Masen laughed quietly.

"You can go in the bathroom." She said kindly, nodding towards a door.

"Thank you." Pam blushed and hurried into the bathroom. She emerged moments later and sat up on the table. She let her mind wander as Dr. Masen examined her, wondering what the adoptive parents would be like. She imagined a lovely, young couple with big smiles and dark hair.

"We're ready for the ultrasound now." Dr. Masen's cheerful voice interrupted Pam's thoughts. "You can get dressed again, Pam."

"Alright." Pam said, sliding off the table and into the bathroom again. Jim smiled after her.

She returned and Dr. Masen led them to a different, simple room holding a low table and ultra sound machine.

"Okay Pam, I'd like you to lie back and pull your shirt up to just below your chest." She obeyed quickly, butterflies in her stomach. She felt Jim's hand slip into her's and she smiled, trying to forget about the butterflies. She stared at the black screen above her.

"This will be a bit uncomfortable, Pam, but it's just gel. It might be a little cold but it won't hurt. You can wash it off later." Dr. Masen said calmly. Pam smiled. She really liked Dr. Masen and she appreciated that she hadn't even batted an eye when she saw how young they were. She winced as Dr. Masen spread the gel on her stomach. Jim smirked.

"Cold?" He said and she swatted his arm.

"Watch it, Halpert." She teased and then they both fell silent. Their eyes fell on the screen and a light, faint thudding noise met their ears. Pam felt a hot tear run down her cheek.

"That," Dr. Masen smiled, "is your baby's heartbeat."

"Wow." Jim said softly. "_Wow_."

"There's the fetal pole," the Doctor said, moving the pen-like device around Pam's stomach. "And the gestational sac..." she kept talking but Jim couldn't hear anything but the baby's heartbeat. It seemed to beat in time with his and he felt his knees go shaky. That was his baby. His. And it's heart was beating...

"Do you want pictures?" Dr. Masen asked. "I know the baby isn't clear yet but some people do like to have pictures as soon as possible." Pam exchanged a look with Mrs Halpert and her own mother.

"I'd love to have pictures," Mrs Beesly said, wiping tears from her own cheeks and laughing sweetly.

"Me too!" Mrs Halpert added and both moms laughed, clutching each others arms.

"Then I will print out two copies?" Dr. Masen asked. "One for each family?"

"Three copies, please." Jim jumped in and everyone turned to look at him. He shrugged.

"I thought...to show Mark and Alexa." He explained to Pam. She nodded and smiled at him.

"Three copies it is." Dr. Masen printed them off and placed them in an envelope. "Here you go, Pam. You and your baby are doing just fine, perfectly healthy." Pam let out a sigh of relief.

"Thank you, Dr. Masen." Pam said happily, using the paper towel Jim handed her to wipe the gel off her stomach. "Thank you very much.

Pam and Jim were sitting in Ms Keen's office. She was the school counselor.

"Pam, you need to make a doctor's appointment to check on the baby. How far along are you?" She asked.

"4 and a half months." She answered.

"And does anyone know?" Pam smirked.

"Uh yeah, pretty much the whole school."

"Oh?" Ms Keen tried to hide her surprise.

"Yeah. And our parents." She said.

"That's good, that's good. Have you decided on what to do?"

"What do you mean?" Jim asked.

"Well, let's discuss your options. Becoming pregnant unexpectedly can be a scary time...a time that can leave you feeling out of control and anxious. One of the most effective ways to get back a sense of control in your life is to ensure that you are armed with all the facts you need to make the best decision for you." The counselor began. Jim listened carefully.

"There's abortion. That means the pregnancy ends before the fetus-"

"No." Pam and Jim burst out at the same time.

"Uh, no, abortion is...its not an option." Jim backtracked.

"I see. Well, then there is teenage parenthood in the case that you decide to raise this baby on your own. You'll need to-"

"Actually, Ms Keen?" Pam spoke up. "We were actually thinking about adoption. We...I just don't feel prepared to raise this baby at this age and time. I really don't. I want this baby to go to parents who are prepared for a child and will love and care for it in the best way possible." Ms Keen smiled.

"I can see you've given this a great deal of thought. That's very good. There are many different options available if you choose to give your baby to another family. There are open adoptions, in which you can visit your child and be a part of his or life. There are also adoptions that are closed, meaning your identity is sealed and you have no relationship with your child. Have you given any thought to these?" Pam was silent. She could visit her baby?

"Well...I didn't know I could stay in touch with the baby." She smiled a little.

"Oh yes, certainly. But the adopting parents will need to agree with it." Pam nodded.

"Open adoption sounds good. I mean...yeah. It sounds pretty good. Jim?" She turned to see how Jim felt about it. He was deep in thought.

"Well...well, actually I don't really know about adoption." He admitted. "I just think about this baby. And it's tiny hands and fingers and toes and it's eyes and it just seems so hard to give it up."

"I thought we agreed on adoption!" Pam cried.

"We did. I did. But...I don't know." He said helplessly.

"So, do you want me to refer you to an adoption agency or not?" Ms Keen asked them.

"Yes!" Pam said, looking at Jim.

"No!" Jim said, looking hurt. He stood up and started towards the door.

"Sounds like you have a problem," Ms Keen said, looking at the both of them.

"Yeah, we do," Pam said, opening the door and exiting the office both hurt and angry.

"What the _hell_," Pam asked fiercely once they'd left, "was _that_?" Jim shrugged pointedly as he pulled a book out of his locker.

"I don't want to give us this baby." He said seriously.

"We agreed on adoption!" She said, near tears.

"I know, I'm sorry. I really am. But...but this baby...it's ours. It's ours, Pam. And it has a heartbeat...and a fetal pole, whatever that is. I can't give that up. Please understand." He looked at her pleadingly. She drew her lips in a tight line.

"I can_not_ believe you." She said simply, turning on heel and marching away.

Pam sat in Spanish class, fuming about Jim. How could he do that to her? Just when things were getting on track and now he wanted to keep the baby?

"What a whore." A snide comment from behind her yanked her back to reality.

"She's already getting fat." Another voice said.

"She thinks she's so special for getting Jim and then he gets her pregnant."

She tried to ignore the whispers all around her, but it was nearly impossible. She was in the last class of the day and the teacher let them talk amongst themselves for the last ten minute. She sat alone at her desk, praying no one would speak to her.

"Pam." She gritted her teeth and turned to come face to face with smug Rebecca Harding.

"Yes?" She said coolly. Rebecca tilted her head her over-line eyes examining Pam's appearance. Pam had an urge to yank one of Rebecca's perfectly curled brown ringlets right out of her head.

"Hmm. I didn't ever take you for the kind of girl who would get knocked up. You were always such a prude." The girl said too sweetly. Pam flushed but kept eye contact with her, refusing to back down.

"And you were always such a gossiping whore." She snapped. "I'm actually surprised you haven't got pregnant yet. Or maybe you just get STD's?" Rebecca's jaw dropped and she turned a bright shade of red. Pam turned to face the front of the room, her heart pounding. She couldn't believe she'd just done that. Rebecca leaned forward and spoke into Pam's ear.

"You," she said softly and scathingly, "are such a bitch."

"Well, you'd know wouldn't you?" Pam replied, just as quietly. She knew she was being mean and immature – but she also felt just a bit proud. She was sick of what other people thought. This had nothing to do with them.


	14. Chapter 14

Pam got out of bed and jumped in the shower. She let the water rush over, warm and comforting. After she felt fresh and clean she dried off and dressed in a loose sundress to cover the baby bump. She gently tugged out all the tangles and knots from her damp hair and clipped it back. Today was a new day. The pregnancy was out in the open, they were going to put it up for adoption, their parents were supporting – considering the situation, Pam was pretty happy. She and Jim were going to interview adoption couples today. She studied herself in the mirror, hands automatically resting on her growing stomach. It was still so surreal that she was carrying an actual human being. A little baby. She headed downstairs to the kitchen and made a fresh pot of coffee. Just as she sat down with a steaming mug, a hand reached over and took it away from her.

"Mom, I was going to drink that." She said, confused. Her mother raised her eyebrows and smiled.

"Pam, you're pregnant. You can't drink coffee! It's unhealthy for the baby."

"Oh." Mrs Beesly replaced the mug of coffee with a tall glass of milk. Pam smiled.

"I used to like milk," she teased. "Then I turned six."

"Drink the milk, honey. It'll make your baby strong."

"Thanks, mom." Pam said, secretly touched. She drank the milk obediently. Her mother went upstairs to dress for the day and Pam opened to fridge, suddenly craving pickles and peanut butter. She pulled out the jar of pickles and almost gagged as a smell hit her. She instantly felt nauseated. There was something off in the the fridge. She put the pickles on the bench and began to investigate. She expected something to be off but everything seemed to fine. But she could not stand that smell, it had to be something. She had to stop it.

When Mrs Beesly came downstairs she found her daughter on her knees, wearing a scarf around her nose and mouth, scrubbing pots and pans furiously.

"What on...Pam, what are you doing?" She almost laughed. Pam looked up.

"Oh, God, mom, can't you _smell _that? It's awful!" She scrubbed harder at the frying pan she was holding. "Can you open the windows?" Mrs Beesly did laugh now. She gently took the frying pan from her daughter.

"Pam, you're pregnant. Your food tastes and smells different." Pam nodded. She remembered reading that in the baby book Alexa had given her.

"But I can't stand it. What is it?" Her mother thought for a moment and then smiled.

"You know what? I think I know. She walked over to the fridge and rooted around for a minute.

"Aha!" She emerged with a couple of tomatoes. Pam reeled back as the terrible scent hit her stronger then ever.

"Ew!" She cried. "Oh, yuck." Mrs Beesly laughed.

"I was the same with tomatoes when I was pregnant with you. I couldn't stand them!" Pam laughed with her. Mrs Beesly replaced the tomatoes and promised to throw them out before Pam was home from the adoption interviews.

Jim knocked on his mother's door, taking a deep breath.

"Come on in." Her voice rang out. He gently pushed the door open and walked in. His father had already gone to work.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" He asked his mother nervously.

"Of course." She pulled on her shoes and took off her glasses, studying Jim. "What about?"

"Pam wants to give the baby up for adoption." He confided, not wanting to beat around the bush.

"And you agree with this?"

"No. I mean, maybe. I don't know. I did but then we saw the baby's heartbeat and I just..." His mother nodded knowingly.

"I understand. It was a very touching thing to see, its natural that you feel this way."

"Well, I think even if we don't give the baby up for adoption we may as well keep our options open. I really don't want to give this baby up but just in case...do you know any adoption agencies?"

"Dr. Masen can provide you with agencies or your school guidance counselor." Mrs Halpert pointed out. She rubbed her neck with her thumb.

"I don't want any old agency." Jim said firmly. "I want the best agency there is for this baby." Mrs Halpert raised her eyebrows.

"I do know one very recommended agency, actually. My co worker, Alice, adopted from there last year and I went along with her a few times. They really are wonderful." She fumbled around with a jumble of business cards on her desk and finally produced one and held it out to Jim. He took it like it might explode.

"Thank you. I'm going over to Pam's house to have the adoption interviews with the agency she picked out."

"Okay. Have a good day." She kissed his cheek softly and he walked away.

Jim sat in the living room with Pam, waiting for the first couple to arrive. They'd set up a table with a notepad and pens that looked very efficient. But Jim and Pam sat tensely and silently, still shaky from their fight.

"I've arranged some more interviews for next Monday afternoon. I can make some more if necessary." Pam finally broke the ice.

"Good. But that's unnecessary; I already know what agency we should call." He pulled out the business card and showed it to Pam, who took it with interest. "If you are absolutely positive that you want to, and _can_, do this, we can call and schedule an appointment." Pam bit her lip and looked from the card to Jim to her stomach.

"Make the call." She whispered, releasing her lip and sighing heavily. "And please, will you get me some aspirin from the top shelf of the cabinet?"

"No." Jim answered immediately. "You shouldn't take aspirin."

"Why not? I have a headache." Pam said, narrowing her eyes.

"It can cause problems in your pregnancy." He insisted. "I don't know if that's true early on, but you should ask your doctor first." Pam's eyes widened a little and her mouth dropped.

"How did you know that?" She asked, resting her hands on her stomach. Without thinking, he placed my hands over hers.

"I read it. In that pregnancy book."

"Wow..." Pam said, amazed. "My mother told me I couldn't have coffee this morning." Jim nodded.

"That's bad for the baby too," he said, forgetting that they were fighting.

"Aw. Poor baby. I'll take good care of you from now on." Pam cooed to her stomach. Jim gently slid his hands off hers.

"Do you want to...talk to it?" She offered. "I heard it's good, that it can, you know, hear you or something."

"No."He muttered after hesitating. "Not yet." Not ever, he thought to himself. It was already hard enough to even consider giving up this baby and he couldn't let himself get any closer to it. 15 minutes later, the first couple arrived. Nicholas and Lara Jenkins. Pam began asking them questions and discussing the situation but Jim sat silently, studying them. He tried to imagine them raising his child. It didn't fit. Nothing did. It all seemed wrong, fake, set up. After what seemed like eternity, Pam thanked the couple and showed them out.

"Thanks for all your help." She said sarcastically to Jim. She rolled her eyes. He shrugged.

"I didn't like them. They seemed aggressive." He said.

"Oh, they did not. They were perfectly lovely. You're just being difficult." She tossed her head and sat down again.

"Okay, the next couple," she said as the doorbell rang. "Is Peter and Victoria Harcan." The interviews went on. Pam liked Peter and Victoria but they were in their mid-50's and Pam didn't want someone that age raising a teenager. So she denied their application. The next couple was David and Charlotte DeGraff. They also seemed nice but very nervous and shaky. Jim crossed them off the list, thinking they were too nervous to raise a baby.

"We're never going to find a suitable couple." Pam groaned after another three interviews, all disastrous. "Especially with you just sitting there like a mute." She added.

"I told you how I felt about this. You should just be happy I showed up." He said. Pam rolled her eyes.

"Now I _really_ wish I could have some aspirin." She muttered under her breath.

Pam and Alexa sat on her bedroom floor later that day.

"Was everyone talking about me today at school?" Pam asked.

"...Maybe." Alexa stared at her fingernails. Pam groaned.

"This is so unfair, you know that right? I have sex one time and hey, I'm pregnant!"

"C'mon, things are going pretty good aren't they?" Alexa asked.

"There were going well. But none of the adoption applications worked out and Jim was being so difficult today."

"Well he doesn't want to give the baby up."

"I know."

"So you can't expect him to be ecstatic about this, can you?"

"I know, but he has to start trying. I mean, adoption really is the best choice and whether we choose to or not, we still need to give it a chance."

"Maybe you talk to him about this again." Pam shook her head.

"I don't think I can handle another fight right now. I'm completely exhausted and I have heartburn like hell." They were silent for a minute, lost in thought.

"I have some news!" Alexa said brightly. "Daniel asked me out for this Saturday night."

"Daniel?" Pam frowned, trying to remember. Alexa stared at her.

"Daniel." She repeated. "Daniel Goldsworth? Fell madly in love with him last year?"

"Ohh, _Daniel_!" Pam smiled, remembering the boy her friend had dated for almost 6 months. "Of course! He was cute."

"He's so sweet." Alexa said happily.

"But you guys broke up."

"Yeah, because his parents wanted him to concentrate on school. But now they've totally loosened up."

"Well, that's sweet." Pam said.

"Yeah. He's a good guy."

"Well, I hope you guys have fun. Where are you going?"

"To dinner and then the movies."

"Classic. Love it." Pam smiled. Somehow hearing that had cheered her up.

The next morning Pam woke up late and had to get a lift to school. She dressed hurriedly in a blue dress and tights and got a lift to school from her dad.

"Hey, honey." He said as she got in the car.

"Yeah?"

"I found this in the trash this morning." He held up her crumpled art school acceptance letter.

"Oh..." her smile faded. "Yeah. I decided not to go obviously. Not like this." Her father looked at her seriously.

"Why?"

"Because I...I'm pregnant dad." She laughed. "You can't seriously expect me to go to two schools. Double gossip, double trouble?"

"Pamela Morgan Beesly." Pam raised her eyebrows.

"Are you a Beesly?"'  
"_Da-ad_..."

"Are you a Beesly?"

"Yes."

"And is this the best situation we've ever been in?"

"No."

"But is it the worst?"

"No." She admitted.

"Then we can do this. You can do this Pam. This is a huge oppurtunity for you and you can't give it up." Her father said. "You're a Beesly, Pam. Beeslys don't give up." She smiled and blinked away a tear.  
"Then...I guess I'm going to art school!"


	15. Chapter 15

When Pam went downstairs on Thursday morning she found her parents sitting at the kitchen table looking serious. She slowed down.

"Whats up?" She asked suspiciously. Mrs Beesly glanced at her husband and cleared her throat.

"Well honey, we've been thinking about your education." Pam eyed her parents warily.

"And we thought it might be best for you to go to a school for girls of...of your condition." It took her a moment to figure out what her mother was suggesting.

"Wait, you want to me to go to _slut_ school?" She burst out.

"No!" Mrs Beesly looked shocked. "Don't ever say that, not at all. But," she went on, "an all-inclusive high school for pregnant and parenting teens will eliminate barriers to completing high school education...the kids at school Pam...they can be cruel."

"No, mom, no. I'm not leaving Jim and Alexa and Mark! I want to stay here!"

"It's up to you honey." Mr Beesly said. "But just consider this, okay? It would be easier. And you could come straight back afterward..."

"Because that isn't obvious." She snarled. "Oh, gee, I'm just transferring for nine months, no biggie!"

"Its teachers will aim to develop self-confidence and worth in young parents." Mrs Beesly added desperately. "Pam, just consider it." Pam sat down and thought carefully.

"Would I board there?" She asked.

"Yes. We'd visit you on weekends. Your friends could come too. And it'd only be for about 4 months Pam, your 5 months into your pregnancy." Pam thought about it. Maybe. It might be okay. No more judgment...no sticking out...maybe it was for the best. She nodded slowly.

"Alright. I'll think about it." She promised. Then she stood up and got ready for school.

The alarm sounded on Saturday morning but Pam barely stirred. Finally she slapped at the clock a few times until it shut up. Then she rolled over and groaned. Today she was going to art school. Part of her was excited, another part was scared and another part was nervous as hell. She really ought to get up. She didn't want to be late for her first day of art school. She took forever to get ready in the morning, and would probably take even longer than forever this morning. But she was so warm and comfortable and secure...five more minutes. But now that she was awake she couldn't go back to sleep. With a sigh she rose and padded across to her wardrobe. She dressed in a loose royal blue dress that hid her stomach and a gray cardigan. She slipped her feet into black flats and attacked her hair with a sharp bristled brush until the wild auburn curls were tamed into tumbling waves. She washed her face and applied some very light make up – just a brush of mascara, just a dash of lip gloss. She spritzed on some perfume and gave herself a big smile in the mirror.

"You can do this, Pam. You're a Beesly." She repeated her father's words and tried to assure herself. Art school would begin in an hour. Her father would drive her there and she would catch the bus home after her two hour class. She walked across the room and began to organize her things. She was suddenly aware of what a mess her room was – stray sheets and sketches were strewn across the floor, books that she didn't remember reading were piling up, her bed was a tangle of sheets, the flowers in the china vase were droopy and brown.

"Yikes." She murmured to herself. She set to work. Once she started, she couldn't stop. She made the bed with clean, crisp sheets and fluffed the pillows. She sorted through the papers on her desk and around the room, throwing some out and organizing others. She put a pile of dirty clothes in the washing basket and hung up the rest by colour and occasion. She did the same with her shoes. She cleaned up her desk and sharpened all the pencils and made a stack of her homework, ready to do it when she got home. She even dumped the old flowers, washed the vase and filled it with fresh blue flowers. This was her. This was who she used to be, organized and clean. She smiled to herself and picking up her bag and canvas, walked downstairs.

"Good morning!" Her father greeted her cheerfully, shaking the frying pan full of almost-burnt bacon. There was a plate of sad looking scrambled eggs on the table.

"You can eat breakfast, then we'll have to leave." He said, gesturing towards the plate and tipping bacon besides the eggs.

"Wow, thank you." She managed a smile and tried not to breath through her nose. The smell of the eggs made her want to throw up but she knew her dad had tried hard and she was grateful. She managed to force down the bacon and dump the eggs when he father got his car keys. Then she quickly brushed her teeth, checked herself once more in the mirror and hurried out. They rode in silence. It was the shortest car ride of her entire life. Funny, she didn't remember the school being quite so close when they'd done the test run the night before. They arrived shortly. The school was a large, red brick building with ivy climbing the walls. Outside, kids were shooting out of cars and buses, chasing each other, laughing. It looked fun, Pam thought. She'd worried the kids would be too serious but they seemed friendly enough, like regular teenagers.

"I know you're going to have a great day." Mr Beesly broke the silence. "I'll see you tonight." He gave her a kiss and hugged her.

"Thanks dad. See you later." She climbed out of the car slowly and waved good bye as he drove away. She quickly made sure the baby bump didn't show and then worked into the building. All the walls were painted a smoky blue or lilac. There were pieces of artwork displayed all over the walls, creating a great atmosphere. She grinned, warming up a little to the idea of art school. She glanced at the clock on the wall – 5 minutes till class. She'd just made it. She rooted around in her bag and fished out a map of the school. It was simple enough and she found the class easily. There were easels set up around the room most of the other students were already there, drawing and sketching but chatting loudly to one another. How did they already know each other? Pam wondered. Slightly intimidated, she walked to the near back of the room and set up her canvas. She prepared her paints and brushes keeping her head down. When she looked up, the class was full and a young man with tousled brown hair and a shabby suit walked in. He clapped his hands twice and the class gradually fell silent.

"Good morning." He smiled, speaking in a smooth British accent. "Welcome to Art school. I hope you will all enjoy your time here, I'm your teacher, Mr Blunt." He smiled again and some of the students murmured a hello. "Let's just go around the room and introduce ourselves first." He nodded towards a girl with a long yellow braid in the front row.

"Emily Abbott." She said. Along the row they went and then suddenly it was Pam's turn.

"Pamela Beesly. Pam, for short." She said. Once everyone had introduced themselves, he started to talk about the class. A handout was distributed. Pam smoothed it out on her desk and read it carefully. An assignment. Already? And for a self portrait. How boring. She'd never liked self portraits, never liked looking at herself for too long. Oh well. It would be good practice and teach her discipline. She tuned into class again. He was talking about art and its role in history and society, how it defined humanity.

"Art is the record civilizations leave in history; about how we know ancient cultures through their art; about how it's the true window to the soul." It made an impact on her. "In our world, art is all around us. It's a commodity and another way to display the wealth, so everyone has some." She let the words soak in. This was it, exactly how she thought about art. Looking around the room she could see many other students felt the same way. There were a lot of nodding heads and smiling faces. Pam smiled. Here, no one knew her. Here, no one cared. No one knew she was pregnant and they only cared about art and expression. These were her kind of people. She leaned forward, eager to here more.

"This assignment," Mr Blunt held the self portrait sheet up, "you'll begin it next lesson. Today I want you to all choose a painting from this book," he began to pass around thick books with pictures of famous artwork in them. "And analysis it." Pam opened the book and began to look through it. She was particularly taken by a frilly French painting but it didn't really speak to her. She flipped the page and that was when she saw it. Motherhood II by **Mary Cassatt.**

"I would like you to write a paragraph or so on what that painting means to you. I would also like you to write about 100 words on what art means to you."

"I thought this was art class, not English class." She heard a voice joke behind her and she smiled at the boy who'd said it. Mr Blunt laughed.

"Don't worry Mr, uh, Slater," he checked his notes, "Next week we'll work on our portraits and only our portraits. But for now I'd like you to all begin your analysis of your chosen painting. I'd like you to hand it up next lesson." There was a murmur through the class and then they all bent their heads, scrawling on scraps of paper propped up on sketchbooks and marking pages with paintbrush bristles. She smiled and bit her pencil thoughtfully. She kept shifting in her chair – she could ever get comfortable these days. Finally she decided to just write about what art meant to her.

_'Art speaks to me.'_ She wrote quickly._ 'A form of art might invoke a strong sense of emotion or feeling. It speaks in a soft succumbing whisper. Art is a way of life, a way to look at things with a better clarity or a different perspective. Art shines a light on things that are usually looked past with indifference. To me art is any form of self-expression. Art is worth more than it's inherent beauty, it connects generations. Art is an extended denial of natural laws An altered state of mind where unconventional ideas are embraced. To me art is a form of expression. Within my paintings I strive to express an emotion or feeling through the piece. I think to me it allows me to release stresses and worries that I have and put them onto the canvas.' _She sat back and reread her work, smiling. That part was easy. Analyzing the painting would be harder. She took another look through the art book but her mind kept coming back to **Mary Cassatt's **painting. With a sigh she flicked to the page and stared at the painting for a long time. It was beautiful and she really did love it. She sat for a long time, tapping her foot and drumming her hands, thinking and staring at the painting, lost in the imagery.

To her great surprise, the bell suddenly rang. She almost jumped out of her skin, dropping the art book, her paper and pencil. The class began to rise and gather their things, a slow stream of chatter building.

"See you next Saturday class!" Mr Blunt called out over the noise. The room emptied quickly and Pam bent to pick up her things. Suddenly a tan hand reached down to pick up her pencil and then paused. She looked up to see the boy who'd joked about English class earlier staring at her stomach with his mouth open slightly. She looked down and suppressed a gasp. Her knees had pinned down her dress, pulling it tight to her body and revealing the baby bump. She jumped up and blushed. Now it was out. Shit. _Shit. _

"Uh, I won't tell." The boy promised quickly, as if reading her mind. He smiled at her. "Are you okay?"

"...Yes." She said. "Please don't tell." She begged.

"I promise." He repeated. "Uh, I'm Callum Slater." He was handsome with tanned skin and tousled brown hair. He held out a hand and Pam shook it.

"Pam Beesly." He nodded. He had a gorgeous smile, with very white teeth. She couldn't help but smile back, even though she barely knew him. He seemed very pleasant.

"Right. Uh, so you're pregnant?" She looked at him and her smile faded a little.

"Looks that way," she laughed a little. They began to walk out together.

"Look, I don't know you, but I can see you obviously feel like crap, am I right?" He gestured for her to speak. She smiled at him; she could talk to him so easily.

"No, you're right."

"Well, I'm a very good listener, and, I don't know why, but you seem like a really genuine girl who's in trouble. Why don't you start from the beginning?" He smiled at her and she nodded. And it all poured out. Everything. Jim, the baby, the day she found out, the parents, the doctors appointments, art school, Alexa, school, everything. It all spilled out so quickly she wanted to catch it all in her hands and eat it all back up. But it was out and she was relieved. It was nice to get her worries off her chest to a near stranger. She hoped he was as trustworthy as he seemed. He was right, he was a very good listener because they must of been sat there for at least a half hour, with Pam doing most of the talking, with the occasional 'hmm' and 'ahh' from Callum. By the end of her rant, she felt refreshed.

"Wow." He said simply. "You're not very lucky, are you?" She had to laugh because in some ways, it was true. Her first time having sex and she got pregnant.

"I am, though." She said loyally. "I'm lucky to have such supportive people in my life." She took a breath. "I'm sorry to put this all on you. You must think I'm totally insane." He laughed kindly.

"Not at all. I feel very lucky today actually because I met you." She smiled genuinely. He was sweet, she thought. It was nice to have a friend here. It was getting pretty late though so she thanked him again and said good bye. They shared their phone numbers and he told her to call him if she ever needed a talk. She walked to the bus stop with a smile on her face.

**Thanks for reading! As usual, reviews are very much enjoyed. Here's the painting that Pam is going to study: ./imgres?q=Motherhood+II+by+Mary+Cassatt.&um=1&hl=en&biw=1024&bih=608&tbm=isch&tbnid=xrS_Q7zNs_J3yM:&imgrefurl=.com/2010_08_04_&docid=2yEnS5fwU3Q57M&w=742&h=799&ei=dDk1TtmEL5DLmAWtlqXwCg&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=374&vpy=79&dur=1371&hovh=233&hovw=216&tx=93&ty=156&page=1&tbnh=149&tbnw=143&start=0&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:2,s:0**


	16. Chapter 16

Pam waited until Wednesday to talk to Jim about her leaving to go to school. They stood in front of his locker, talking.

"But you're not actually going, are you?" He asked worriedly once she'd stopped talking. She shrugged.

"To be honest, it seems like a really good idea. I was seriously against it at first but now...I don't know, it seems very logical. I'll go there, have the baby, come back."

"And what'll happen to the baby?" He tried to keep the anger in his voice from creeping in. She avoided his eyes.

"Jim. You know...adoption. We talked about this."

"No, we didn't! We had one conversation! Then I changed my mind, don't you _get_ it? I do not want to put this baby up for adoption."

"C'mon Jim. You can't seriously expect me to raise a baby at sixteen, do you?"

"Why not? We can do it." He said desperately.

"Because I'm sixteen! Oh, God, I'm six_teen_." She groaned. "We are not supposed to be parents at this age."

"But we are. We are, Pam. This is our baby, we have a child." She cringed.

"Will you quit making me feel guilty!" She cried. "I love this baby, okay? I do. I love it very much. But I do not want to raise it. And you know what? Neither do you. You don't know anything about raising a child. It takes _work_, okay? And its not like we'll never hear about it again. We're going with an open adoption so we can keep in touch."

"If we choose to give it up for adoption." He corrected her.

"_When_. We. Give. It. Up. For. Adoption." She practically growled. Jim stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder.

"Let's talk about this later." He said, fuming.

"Adoption or slut school?" She said easily.

"Both...and don't call it that. I hate that name, its not true." And with that, he walked away.

Jim thought about it all day. He couldn't pay attention in any of his subjects and he stopped halfway through sentences half the time he spoke. He spent 4th period in the bathroom just staring at his fingernails for 45 minutes straight. He felt dull and heavy and numb. It was on his way out of school and to the bus stop that he cracked.

"Hey, Jim!" He turned to find Carl Binns with a wicked grin on his face. "Heard your girlfriend was off to slut school, hey?" SMACK. Jim's fist connected with Carl's jaw. Carl staggered backwards with a gasp. Jim shook his sore fist, blinded by anger. And then Carl's fist was in his face and he fell, hard, tripping on the ground, leaving him breathless and dazed. He ached so badly that he had no idea how he was going to stand again. But he had to. How could he say that about Pam? He staggered to his feet and aimed a punch at Carl's nose. And then they were on the ground punching and kicking, girls screaming and kids cheering them on. At some point, as his arm scraped against the pavement, Jim felt himself being yanked up by a teacher. He felt something warm and sticky on his cheek and knew it was blood. His clothes were rumpled and flecked with blood, his sleeve was torn, the skin under his right eye was stinging and his fists were bruised and scraped. But from the looks of it, Carl was worse off then he was. That thought kept him going all the way to the principals office.

"Hey Pam." Pam looked up from her spot on the school steps and saw Mark standing in front of her, his arms crossed awkwardly over his chest.

"Hey Mark, what's up?"

"Not much. Mind if I sit?"

"Of course not." She moved over and he sat down, looking out across the school yard. He he stared at her for a moment.

"I'm sorry if I haven't been very supportive through this. I talk to Jim a lot about it but never you. I'm sorry about that." He said.

"It's fine Mark," she smiled, touched. "It's not big deal."

"But look, Pam, I want you to know that I'm here to support you and Jim and the baby. I want you to know that I'll always be there for you." Pam felt a tug on her heart. She rested her hands on her stomach and stared at her shoes.

"Mark, we're giving the baby up for adoption." She said softly.

"What! Why?" He jumped to his feet and ran his hands through his messy hair. "You can't!" He protested. Pam rubbed her forehead.

"Jim and I are not going to be able to handle a baby. We'll be heading off to college, getting jobs….we will _not_ be able to give this child a normal life! We can't give the baby the life he or she _deserves_."

"I could help you guys out! And Alexa, and your parents and Jim's parents and your siblings...We can help you!" Mark exclaimed, obviously frustrated with her.

"I don't want to have to rely on my friends to handle my child!"

"Oh, so it's better for you to toss your kid in the laps of some couple you hardly know?" He snapped. She was surprised, she'd never heard him speak in that tone.

"Don't even! Don't you dare judge me, Mark." She growled. "I've had enough of it from everyone in my life, I do _not_ need it from _you_." She felt tears coming and Mark seemed to notice too for he looked rather ashamed and sat down at once.

"Pam, I'm sorry." He muttered in a low voice. "It just...came out. I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too. But we're giving the baby up. But...we are going with open adoption." She tried to make the situation better. "Meaning we'd get pictures and letters and stuff about the baby. We'd know his or her name, what he or she looks like, and other details like that."

"That sounds a lot better than what I was imagining." Mark admitted, laughing nervously. "I imagined you dumping the kid into the arms of a stranger and then never looking back."

"I could never do that." Pam said in a soft voice. "And neither could Jim."

"Yeah. I see that."

Jim was sitting on the edge of the basketball courts alone later that afternoon. He'd missed the bus because he'd been serving a detention for the fight. His scrapes had been bathed in Neosporin and his hand was wrapped tightly in a bandage. He pulled his jacket around himself tighter. He wasn't ready to go home yet.

"Ouch." Jim turned to see Mark standing behind him, studying the cut under his eye and the bandage on his hand. "What did you do?"

"Punched a jerk in the face," he admitted.

"Ah. Fair enough." His friend sat beside him. "Which jerk in particular? I know several."

"Carl Binns."

"What?" Mark laughed. "You _idiot_. Carl Binns is like, 5 times your size." Jim laughed too.

"Yeah, I know." He shook his hand pathetically. "This really kills. Carl must have, like, iron straped to his stomach."

"I think those are called abs." Mark said.

"Oh yeah? I think I've heard of those."

"So, why'd you punch him?"

"He insulted Pam."

"Oh."

"Yeah." There was a long silence until Mark spoke again.

"Hey," he began, laughter in his voice. "Remember that time our families went to the Christmas mass when we were about seven? And we were all singing Oh Hosanna and then everyone went quiet but you and I kept singing? But instead of singing Oh Hosanna, we sung Oh Santa?" Jim laughed.

"Oh, yeah. My mom was so mortified. Or...remember that Robin Hood phase we went through? And the rule was whoever was wearing the most green got to be Robin?"

"I was always wearing the most green." Mark bragged.

"Yeah, except for the time _I _dressed _entirely_ in green and you had blue jeans on? And you took one look at me and said whoever was wearing the most _blue_ got to be Robin?"

"We needed a change of pace!" Mark defended himself.

"Oh, sure, sure."

"Fine. Remember the time we made the go cart and I broke my arm on the first ride down?"

"Of course I do. You never shut up about it."

"It's a good story!"

"Yeah. But do you remember how the day you got your cast off you fell over on the basketball court and broke your arm _again_?" Jim grinned and Mark rolled his eyes.

"It could've happened to anyone." He said.

"Yeah right." They both laughed. There was another silence in the conversation and then Jim clapped Mark on the back.

"You know, instead of just sitting here, we can always grab a ball and shoot." Jim said. Mark grinned.

"Yeah. Let's play." He grabbed a basketball.

**Short, I know. Apologies, I'll update very soon! =]**


	17. Chapter 17

**Oh, you guys. No need for worry, Callum is just a friend...or is he? Yes. He's just a friend...or is he? Yes. Definitely. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, I love reading your thoughts and ideas on the story. I've already written a few more chapters, I just have to tweak them a little and then I'll post them. Thanks again and hope you enjoy this chapter! **

Pam lay on her bed staring at Mary Cassatt's painting. She was fascinated by the light, vibrant, and emotional strokes. She had bought a book of her paintings and was interested that almost all of them were of mothers and their children. They were simple yet complex, genuine expressions. They were relate-able. She could sense the emotional bonds between the mother and her child – safety, security, love, affection. Her train of thought was broken when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" She called.

"Hey," a soft, familiar voice said. Pam looked up to see Alexa looking serious and tired.

"Lexie, hey." She sat on her knees to make room for her friend on the bed. "What's up?" She furrowed her brow, seeing how upset Alexa was.

"What's wrong?"

"I have something to tell you." Alexa began. She sat on her hands and stared the carpet. Pam sat silently, waiting. She twitched impatiently but didn't want to pressure Alexa.

"Remember Daniel?"

"Of course."

"Well...you know how we've been dating for awhile?" Pam frowned.

"Not awhile," she said. "You dated for like, months, then you broke up and he asked you out for last Saturday night, right?" Alexa stared at her.

"Noo..." she said slowly. "I've been dating him for ages now. Weeks."

"No, you guys just got back together. You said so." Alexa looked a little hurt. She shifted so that she was sitting on her knees.

"No, I said he asked me out _again_."

"Oh...gosh, Al. I'm sorry. I must have forgotten."

"Right." Alexa said frowning.

"So, keep going."

"Um...I don't know how to say it." She shrugged helplessly and twisted the edge of the blanket until her finger turned white.

"Just say it," Pam said. "You know you can tell me anything." Alexa closed her eyes.

"We...had sex." She said quietly. Pam was shocked into silence.

"Say something." Alexa hid her face in her hands.

"I...oh wow. Alexa...wow. That's really...I mean..."

"I know! I know!"

"It's okay, calm down. Talk to me."

"Okay. Okay. It wasn't bad." She shook her brown curls. "It was nice. It was sweet and I love him and it was...perfect. He was so nice about everything. I felt safe. I felt happy."

"I don't see the problem." Pam admitted. Alexa's head snapped up and she looked at Pam with wet eyes.

"I feel guilty!" She burst out. "Look at what happened to you! You had sex and now you're pregnant!"

"So?"

"So! Pam, aren't you mad at me? For doing this? After what...happened to you?"

"Alexa. No. I mean, were you safe?"

"Yes."

"Do you love each other?"

"Yes."

"Then I'm happy for you." She said simply. "I'm glad it was good for you. Sex is a beautiful thing as long as you're with someone you love. And as long as you're mature, committed and responsible."

"We're all those things." Alexa promised.

"I just wish you had told me first."

"I wanted to." Alexa said. "I wanted to talk to you about Daniel and dating him and how we were thinking about having sex."

"Why didn't you?" Alexa looked at her carefully.

"Would you have listened?" Pam opened her mouth. Then she closed it. Would she have listened? She thought about it. No, she admitted. She probably wouldn't have. For the longest time she had been wrapped up in her own problems and worries and she'd completely forgotten about everyone else on the way.

"Oh, Lex. I'm so sorry." She hugged her friend and an immediate warmth spread over her. It was so good to be friends with Alexa again, friends like they used to be.

"It's just weird." Alexa said once they'd pulled back. "Growing up."

"Yeah." Pam folded her hands across her stomach. "It is." A heavy silence laced the air.

"So," Pam shoved Alexa on the shoulder playfully. "Tell me _everything_ about Daniel."

Pam lay on her back on her bed, her feet dangling off the edge as she stared the cobwebs on the ceiling. Alexa had left hours ago but Pam stayed where she was, thinking about Jim. She felt awfully guilty now that she'd replayed their fights in her head. How selfish she'd been. She should have talked more to him about adoption and his feelings and the options. She had to make this right.

She found Jim at the park, sitting on a bench and reading a book.

"Hey," she said, sitting down beside him. He looked up and closed his book.

"Hi." He replied solemnly.

"Listen, Jim. I've been thinking about this a lot and I know I've been wrong about a lot of things. I know I've been self absorbed and I know you're in this too and I'm sorry." She took a deep breath. "I'm open to other ideas and I'd like to hear your opinions but really Jim, I think its best for everyone to give this baby up for adoption."

"It's okay." He said simply, always forgiving. "And I know you want to give this baby up for adoption. But its our baby, Pam. And I can't look at its tiny fingers and toes and little smile and then just hand it away."

"But can you raise a baby? Can you go to high school and college and change diapers and wake up during the night to feed a screaming baby and get a good paying job?" He was silent.

"We'll still see the baby. It's open adoption, right?" He thought about it carefully.

"Okay. I guess it depends on the couple." He said.

"Okay." She smiled. It was a step. There was a moment of silence and then Jim slipped his hand into Pam's.

"I missed you." She rested her head on his shoulder.

"I missed you too."

Pam sat on her floor, continuing her art assignment. But her mind was on other things – Jim and her friends, her school and classmates, her family. They had all become a lot more...real to her during her pregnancy. She'd seen who she could trust and depend her and who she couldn't. She knew what mattered and she wasn't sure if she could leave that behind. And she knew. She couldn't leave and go to the school for pregnant girls. She was going to stay here and stick it out – she could do it. With Jim and Alexa and Mark and her family, she could do it. With her decision made, she was able to concentrate on her assignment. Her hand flew over the paper with ease and the words came easily.

_The painting I chose to study was Mary Cassatt's Motherhood II. I chose this painting for its comforting and protected atmosphere and the way Mary Cassatt was able to portray a mother and child relationship. I was struck by her uses of the maternal in her paintings. She is known for her depictions of women and children. She uses universal themes of mothering by painting intimate, affectionate and casual poses. They provoke our own childhood memories. Simple, everyday activites such as bathing, reading, apple picking or just women sitting quietly dominate her work. Cassatt's strokes of color are light, vibrant, and emotional. Her ability to accent the highlights in the skin, hands, facial expressions, and posture of her subjects shows me that she is not interested in portraying an idealized perspective of how women, children, and men should look. There is no mystery or false expectation of the "joys of motherhood" or the "innocence of childhood." Mary Cassatt and her paintings really spoke to me in a simple, meaningful matter._

She sighed and reread her work. She was happy with it – it had come from the heart and that was what she believed mattered.

**Super short, I know and I'm sorry! I'll update soon, promise. =] **


	18. Chapter 18

**Thank you all for reviewing, guys, it means a lot to me. =] Hope you all enjoy this chapter and thank you for reading!**

Pam woke up on Saturday morning feeling a little nervous. She was going to her second art class and they were not only going to hand in their first assessment but also work on their self portraits. She brushed out the tangles in her hair and slipped on a blue dress with an empire waist. Spring had sprung and at seven months, there was no point in trying to hide the growing bump on her stomach. She sighed lightly, running her hands over the bump that had become so familiar to her. She stared into the mirror. Her face was clean and bright, her eyes sparkling and greener than ever. She looked a regular teenager. But below her neck? Not so much. The secret would be out and at the one place she thought she'd be normal, she would soon become, yet again, the pregnant girl. She tossed her curls over her shoulder, grabbed her things and straightened her shoulders. There was no point in putting it off.

Pam walked into art school with her head held high. She kept her eyes straight ahead but her knees were shaking so badly she thought she might collapse. She waited. She waited for the looks of judgment and pity and disgust and curiosity. But nothing was happening. She walked all the way to the art room without a single glare. She slowly entered the room and at first was a little surprised to see the rows of mirrors. Then she remembered today was portrait day and they would be using these mirrors to paint themselves. Stopping Callum, she hurried over, happy to have a friend.

"Hey."

"Oh, hey! How goes it?" Callum asked.

"It goes fine." She smiled. She appreciated that his eyes didn't flick down to her stomach but instead remained on her face.

"How is everything? With, you know."

"It's going pretty well." She said. "Me and Jim, we're meeting the fourth adoption couple soon." He nodded seriously.

"Let me know how it goes."

"So how'd your project go?" She asked, eager to change the subject.

"Not bad. I'm not great at writing though but I just put down what I felt. I chose Picasso, you?"

"I chose this painting by Mary Casatt. She concentrates on mother-child paintings."

"Ah, perfect." He nodded in understanding.

"Exactly." They began to set up their art supplies.

"So why'd you choose Picasso?"

"He's easily one of my favorite artists. I love all the colour periods he went through and the way he painted. You really have to look at his work to _see_ it. It makes me wonder how the world looked through his eyes."

"See! Exactly! I said almost the exact same thing once to my friend, Alexa, and she said he probably saw it how everyone else saw it." Callum rolled his eyes, smiling.

"Some people don't get it." Pam giggled. She loved talking to these people. She loved knowing they felt the same things about art that she did. More kids were beginning to trail in and she was getting some glances. She kept her eyes away from the other kids and pretended she didn't realize. But when she betrayed herself and looked their way she was surprised to meet only kind smiles. Just then Mr Blunt walked in a clapped his hands loudly.

"Morning class," he called and people hurried to get a place in front of a mirror. "Obviously, we will be working on our portraits today. There are enough mirrors so you can each use one to yourself. On your way out, I'd like you to put your assignment on my desk...that is, providing you've all done it." He raised his eyebrows in a joking way and a few people laughed. The class began to spread out, selecting mirrors and trying to get into the right shadows and sunlight. Pam wandered over to the far right corner. The sun was trickling into the corner and she could see dust mites floating in the air. There was a faint shadow of leaves dancing across the wall. She settled down and arranged the mirror just so. Taking out her supplies and setting up, she sighed. She'd never been a fan of self portraits. She didn't like looking at herself, she liked studying others, seeing what was really behind them. When she looked at herself all she saw were the faint freckles on her nose and her too pale skin and the almost sad tilt to her mouth. She saw the flaws. She arranged her dress across her knees in an attempt to hide the bump. She stopped, blushing when she noticed a girl glancing at her curiously. But the girl simply smiled at Pam and turned away.

She noticed many of the students had taken photos of themselves from different angles and were getting really creative with their portraits, ignoring the mirrors and concentrating on only the photographs. There were lots of different ideas and Pam suddenly felt stupid for not bringing anything or thinking of anything. She noted Callum was setting up a few mirrors he'd brought from home and setting out pieces of smashed glass. She vaguely wondered what he was going to do with it all. There was a girl with braids holding an old camera, taking random shots that printed out straight away, letting them all drift to the fall. Shaking her head clear, Pam turned back to her own mirror and took a long look at herself. Hm. The usual old flaws. She leaned forward to study herself more carefully. The problem, she figured, was that all the students here were interesting. They had things about themselves to concentrate on. And Pam? Well, she was average. An average girl with average auburn hair and average green eyes and an average sort of face. The only thing that wasn't average...was her stomach. She took a deep breath and settled her hands on her stomach, a movement that had become a second nature to her. She felt the odd and strangely familiar bump, felt the baby shift slightly. It was very strange, being pregnant. It was scary, knowing that she had another life to care for even when she couldn't see or hold him/her. Knowing everything she did would affect this little being inside her. It could be frustrating, having to limit herself in practically everything. It was exciting and exhilarating and embarrassing and amazing and overwhelming. It was every single feeling rolled into one but the most amazing experience she'd ever had. She took another long look at herself and then stood up. She walked over to the girl with braids and tapped her on the shoulder.

"Hi. Would it be okay if I borrowed your camera for a moment?"

"So, how am I doing this?" Callum fiddled with the camera and glanced at Pam. They stood in the empty hallway outside the classroom. The wall behind her was blank and Pam stood in front of it with her side to the camera, a side profile, letting her dress fall naturally over her dress. The sun was falling through the opposite window perfectly and she hoped the picture would work out the way she was planning it to.

"Just take the photo normally. Try and get my silhouette, okay?"

"Okay." He snapped a couple of pictures and the camera spit them out. "It's so weird to use such an old camera," he shook his head and picked up the photos. "Wow. These turned out great." Pam looked over his shoulder. It was a good shot. Great, in fact. It was a simple photo of her silhouette, dark against the wall lit up behind her with sunlight. Her head was tilted down, her hands folded neatly on her large stomach. But there was something more behind it all – the sunlight contrasting with the silhouette was almost bittersweet, her neck arched gracefully, perfectly and sadly. And there was a softness to it. Maybe it was just because she knew how she felt but she could feel an atmosphere to the photo. It was lonely and sweet and sad and peaceful and kind of aching. It was...really, really good.

"Wow." Callum breathed, looking at the picture more carefully. He held it up to the light and Pam knew he felt the atmosphere too. She felt a building pressure in her heart and a smile spread on her face. All her feelings on one photo.

"Wow." Callum said again. Pam smiled and took the photo. They walked back in to the class and she handed the photo to the girl who'd loaned her the camera.

"Thanks a lot." She said truthfully. "You've been a huge help. Thank you."

"No problem." She tossed a braid over her shoulder and glanced at the photo in Pam's hand.

"Nice shot." She raised her eyebrows. "You should consider a career in photography."

"Oh, my friend took this." She said.

"It's really good." Pam waited for her to mention her pregnancy but she didn't. She just smiled.

"Good luck with your portrait." She turned back to her own neon splashed easel and stuck the end of her brush in her mouth thoughtfully.

"Thanks." Pam said. "You too."

Once she had the photo, it was easy. The strokes came easily and for once, she wasn't worried about making mistakes, she wasn't worried about flaws. They were just a part of the portrait, a part of her, a part of life. She hadn't planned this pregnancy but it had happened. And she had to deal with it. She painted the background in gentle shades of gray. She painted her silhouette more carefully though. Her strokes were smooth and controlled and in many colours. It was a nice contrast to the dull gray in the background. The colours weren't bright though. They were deep and rich, heavy with emotion. Gold for the peace she sometimes felt, deep blues for that drop in the stomach she got when someone looked at her twice or muttered a snide comment as she passed. Crimson for passion and heat, emerald for exhilaration and confusion, an eggplant purple was for pride and determination and strength. She could taste the emotions she was painting bitter on her tongue and then sweet and then bitter again. Her heart pounded and she could hear blood rushing in her ears and she let every feeling she'd felt over her pregnancy spill onto the painting. She felt like her body was her own again, like she was in control, but she also felt like the little baby inside her was there too, helping her. And when she stepped back she could see, clear as day, how far she'd come.

Jim walked into Pam's room to see her standing motionless in front of her floor length mirror.

"Hey, what's up?" Pam whirled around, her arms wrapped tightly across her baby bump. "Is….is something wrong?"

"No. I just, uh, felt the baby kick." She said eventually, dropping her hands to her sides.

"Really? That's amazing!" Jim smiled and walked over to her. "Does it feel funny?"

"Yeah, I didn't even realize what it was until the third or fourth time." She blushed, and looked up at him through her eyelashes. "The baby is still kicking….you can feel it. If you want, I mean. You, um, don't have to if you-"

"No, Pam, I would _love_ to feel it." He said earnestly, dropping to his knees and hesitantly bringing his hands to her stomach. Sure enough, when he put slight pressure on Pam's stomach, he felt a small kick. "Wow. This just makes it so….real, huh?"

"Yeah, because the morning sickness and fat stomach didn't make it real at all." She said softly, and he moved his hands from her stomach to her beautiful face.

"It's real for me." He said firmly, rising and taking her hands.

"This baby was always real for you." She said. "You were always ready for this baby." He smiled.

"Maybe in a few years I'll be ready." He admitted. She smiled a little sadly and shuffled her feet.

"You alright?" He asked, a line forming between his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I've just been thinking about all the things we'll be missing." She admitted. "If we give it up for adoption," she quickly added, knowing it was a touchy subject. He chuckled and ran his hand up and down her stomach.

"I've thought about that too. It's hard, isn't it? Knowing we won't be the ones to watch the baby grow up?" His voice was thoughtful.

"Yes. But we can always have that later. When we can actually _support_ a child. When we can actually take care of ourselves, not to mention a little, helpless child." She sighed.

"Yeah. I guess so." He replied sadly but affectionately.

**Thanks for reading! Reviews are not necessary but always appreciated. **


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you all for the lovely reviews guys, you rock! **

Alexa, Mark and Jim were lounging around in the park Saturday morning. Mark and Jim were talking and occasionally arm wrestling while Alexa seemed to be a little lost in her own world, a wilting daisy chain crowning her head.

"Hey, you guys." She spoke up suddenly, twirling a small pink daisy between her fingers. "I think we should throw Pam a baby shower. And you too, Jim." She mentioned Jim as an afterthought.

"A baby shower?" Mark repeated.

"Yeah, you know. Streamers, baby gifts, cute stuff, the whole thing." Jim nodded.

"That's cute. Pam would like that, I bet."

"Yeah, but wait for it," Alexa said, eyes bright, "we should make it a _surprise_ baby shower."

"Ooh, fun." Mark agreed. "Who should we invite?"

"Everyone. Friends, family, everyone." Mark and Jim nodded in agreement.

"Great. Now. What colour streams should we have? We should have matching balloons too. As for food, just light finger food with some cute desserts...little sandwiches, biscuits, fruit, cupcakes, cheese puffs, chocolate covered strawberries, er...oh and of course, games! We could decorate jumpsuits for the baby or guess the gender..." She paused to take a breath. "Maybe we should start writing this down."

Pam sat in the doctor's room fidgeting. It was her third doctor's appointment. Her mother had come with her but this time Pam had decided to go in alone.

There was a knock on the door then and the Dr Clearwater entered, carrying a clipboard and tucking a ribbon of dark hair behind her ear.

"Hi Pam, how are you today?" She smiled warmly, putting Pam to ease immediately.

"Fine." She tried to sit still.

"So you're about seven months now, Pam. Are you having any problems? Questions? Concerns?"

"No...not really." She said quietly.

"Headaches? Nosebleeds? Bleeding gums, hot flashes, itchy stomach?"

"Itchy stomach. That's about it."

"Good, good. All normal then. Now Pam, I know at your age this can be a little scary." She gently lowered Pam onto her back and slid her hand under her gown, running her fingers over her stomach and listening carefully with her stethoscope.

"So you'll need to tell me the absolute truth."

"Okay," Pam agreed. Dr Clearwater took off her stethoscope and wrote something down on her clipboard.

"Well, everything seems fine Pam. Is there anything you want to ask me? Or talk about?" Pam stared at her feet.

"Well. I have one." She admitted. "How bad does it hurt? Delivery, I mean." That was the one thing she wasn't looking forward to at all about the pregnancy. The doctor chuckled a little before answering.

"I'd be lying if I said it was painless. It depends on the situation and the path of childbirth you take. A lot of women chose to go without drugs and have a natural childbirth. There are breathing classes and such that you can take too."

"But...it hurts."

"It depends. But honestly...yes. It hurts. But women have been giving birth since, well, forever. It can't be that bad!" She smiled brightly. "Keep positive, Pam." Pam nodded and took a deep breath.

"Do you want to know what's going on with the baby before we do the ultrasound?"

"Sure."

"By the end of this month, your baby's hair is starting to grow and she'll look more like a newborn. They'll be approximately 3 pounds and 16 inches long. It's body is well formed and her skin is pink and smooth. It has grown eyebrows and even eyelashes, and it's eyes which used to be shut, will have opened."

"Wow...she has eyelashes..." Pam breathed.

"She?" Dr Clearwater raised her eyebrows and smiled. Pam smiled too.

"My boyfriend and I have a kind of bet. He thinks it'll be a boy." She explained. " I say it'll be a girl." She added confidentially.

"But you want it to be a surprise?"

"Yes."

"Okay then. I'll keep that in mind." They began the ultrasound.

"It was amazing, Alexa." Pam gushed later, holding out the ultrasound picture. "I could see its little hand, and all of its tiny little fingers!" Alexa giggled and examined the black and white picture eagerly.

"What's this?" She asked, pointing to a big blob towards the top of the picture. Jim and Mark peered over her shoulder to get a better look at the ultrasound picture. Pam had joined them at the park after her doctor's appointment.

"That's the head." She said.

"Wow." Jim breathed, moving his hand to Pam's stomach.

"What else could they tell you?" Mark asked.

"The baby has eyelashes and fingernails and it's eyes have opened. It looks more like a newborn now and its lungs are starting to function. If it was born today, it would have a pretty good chance at survival."

"It must have been so exciting!" Alexa exclaimed.

"It seriously was." Pam agreed.

"So…." Alexa played with the straps of her purse. "Are you guys," she nodded to Pam and Jim, "going to start meeting more potential parents soon?"

"Next week." Pam said and Jim nodded. He was trying to keep an open mind on adoption now that the due date was getting closer. It was all becoming more real and he knew adoption was really one of the best options although he still felt hesitant towards it.

"That's great. I know you're going to find someone amazing; I can just feel it."

Pam nodded and rested her head on Jim's shoulder. He knew that meant she was exhausted. The last few weeks had been rocky. But then she and Jim had decided that they should _talk_ about their problems and try and sort them out instead of fighting about it. So they had been talking a lot more, ultimately bringing them closer together.

"Do I look okay?" Pam smoothed her green dress. It was a week later and they were meeting the fourth adoption couple. Jim laughed.

"You look beautiful, as usual." He assured her. She rolled her eyes and slipped her hand into his.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah." They walked outside and into the car where Mrs Halpert was waiting to drop them off at the fourth couple's house.

"So, are you positively sure about this?" Mrs Halpert asked as they buckled in and she put the car in drive.

"Yes." Jim and Pam answered at the same time. Pam was surprised. Although she knew she wanted adoption, Jim had seemed reluctant. She hadn't wanted to push him, but he had seemed to reach the same conclusion she had drawn. They may have a little trouble with giving up their child, but it was for the best. They could not provide everything a child would need. Still, he seemed a little unhappy.

"You're being very brave." Jim's mother murmured, not taking her eyes off the road. "I know this could not have been an easy decision."

"But we've made our choice." Pam said quietly. "It's best for everyone."

"Yes, I suppose it is." She agreed, and they all slipped into silence. The agency was only a half hour away, but no one spoke for the rest of the car ride. Occasionally Jim would meet Pam's eye but he would just smile and face the front again. "This is it, kids." said Mrs Halpert, pulling into the long driveway of a red brick house with climbing ivy and a gorgeous garden of roses and sweet peas and violets and many beautiful flowers Pam couldn't even name. This was it, Pam repeated to herself. She stepped out of the car and took a deep breath. This was it.

Their names were Lily and Everett Mason and Pam knew they were perfect the second she saw them. They lived in a big brick house covered in ivy only a few miles away. Everett was a 30 year old journalist and Lily was a 27 year old housewife who occasionally wrote poetry for the local newspaper. While nervous introductions were being made and tea was being served, Pam studied the photographs along the mantelpiece. They seemed like the perfect couple, always laughing and smiling. Pam especially liked one of the two at an empty beach. It was clear they hadn't known the picture was being taken – they were barefoot and holding hands with their heads half turned to the sea. Everett was pointing to something in the distance and Lily was laughing. Pam slowly turned away from the photo and sat down on the couch beside Jim. Lily and Everett sat on the opposite sofa. Pam took the moment to study them – Lily had soft chestnut curls tumbling over the shoulders of her creamy white sweater and Everett had slightly messy nut brown hair. Pam could immediately see why his hair was so tousled as he was habitually running his hand through it.

"It's so nice to meet you," Everett spoke up. He shook both their hands. Lily followed, smiling shyly.

"It's nice to meet you as well." Pam said as she and Jim sat back down on the couch.

"Pamela, James, thank you so much for meeting with us. We really...we can't tell you how much it means." Lily leaned forward excitedly. "Did you know your baby has fingernails?" She glanced at Pam, smiling earnestly. "And a heartbeat! It can hear your voice and has its own set of fingernails," she shook her head in amazement. Everett shook his head.

"I'm sorry. She's just excited – we can't wait to become parents."

"It's fine." Pam laughed. "Did you know the baby has eyelashes? And its lungs are beginning to develop." Jim cleared his throat. Pam smiled sheepishly and shrugged at Lily.

"So, do you mind if we ask you a few questions?" Jim asked.

"No, go right ahead." Everett said easily, smiling serenely.

"Why did you choose adoption?"

"We can't have kids." Lily bit her lip. "We tried a lot of doctors but nothing worked so we decided on adoption."

"Would you be okay with an open adoption?" Pam asked. Her heart was thumping. Until this moment she hadn't realized how much she wanted to know about this baby. It's first steps...first birthday...first kiss...

"Yes, of course." Everett said. "We would send you photos every month for the first year and then twice a year after that. We could write you a letter every six months too."

"Or we could do more." Lily added.

"No, that sounds perfect. It sounds perfect, right?" Pam looked at Jim who nodded with a small smile on his face. Pam felt relief spread through her.

"Um...I guess...could you tell us a little about yourselves?" Jim asked. Everett nodded.

"Well, I'm a journalist for the Ink Gazette. I cover book reviews and movie reviews as well as a weekly opinion piece. I play basketball and baseball. I was born in Italy but my family moved here when I was four years old. I like apples and cheese on crackers, I'm double jointed in two ways in my thumb and my favorite animal is a turtle." He answered promptly with a straight face. Jim and Pam grinned. Lily rolled her eyes and bumped Everett's knee with her own.

"I write poetry for the same paper sometimes." She began, speaking quickly. "I write a lot in my spare time but I'm mainly a housewife. I love gardening and flowers so I spend a lot of time in the garden," Pam immediately thought of the beautiful garden outside. "I've wanted to be a mother for...well, forever. You know how some people were just born ready to be an actress or a doctor or a painter? I was born to be a mother. I love art, music, reading and astronomy." She took a breath. Everett took her hand reassuringly and subconsciously stroked her wedding band. Pam smiled. She couldn't believe how perfect they were. And they were so in love...she looked at Jim who nodded. He liked them.

"Anything else?" Everett offered.

"Just one thing." Jim spoke up again. He nodded to Everett's hands. "Can I see your double jointed thumb thing?"

**Hope you liked this chapter and thank you all for reading!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Hey guys! Thank you all for reviewing, I really appriciate. Sorry for the late update, I've been a bit busy with school but I now have two weeks off and plenty of time to write! **

Jim lay in bed on Friday night, staring at the ceiling. He went over the day for the hundreth time. They had gone to Lilly and Everett's to look over papers with the lawyers and arrange the details of an open adoption. He'd been looking for the bathroom when he saw the nursery. Pastel yellow with white trimmings and furniture, a small window with jungle print curtains. A duck lamp. A changing table and a crib and a chest of open drawers, showing off new, crisp baby clothes. A mobile hung over the crib, twisting slightly. He'd paused, startled.

"Jim?" He'd been so distracted by the sight he hadn't realized Lilly behind him.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" He jumped. "I was looking for the bathroom, the door was open..." he trailed off.

"It's fine, Jim. Do you want to see it?" She pushed the door open further and he stepped in. There was a toy chest, a bookshelf and a rocking chair too.

"It's perfect." He ran his hand along the crib tentatively.

"Thank you. It means the world to us." She looked at him closely and he felt uncomfortable under her understanding gaze. He knew her words had a double meaning and he felt guilty for being so hesitant about the adoption.

"It's for the best." He swallowed. He walked out of the room slowly and they went downstairs together.

"You're just in time!" Everett called. "Pam and Jim brought along pictures of the ultrasounds." He sounded so excited, Jim couldn't help smiling as he sat beside Pam. She held out the photos obediently and Lilly took them eagerly, showing Everett.

"Oh, is it sucking it's thumb?" She squealed.

"Yes. And in the next one, you can see all it's fingers and toes." Pam said. Jim kept his eyes on the happy couple. The connection between Everett and Lilly was astounding. If he shifted, she automatically did the same. Their hands were entwined almost all the time and Everrett constantly doted on his wife. He couldn't help but feel touched about how deep their relationship seemed.

He knew that Lilly and Everett would be the best parents their baby could have. In a few years maybe Pam and Jim could have children of their own, when they were older and ready. But now? He thought about it carefully. Maybe they were still children themselves. He was still struggling under the stress and strain of school and peer pressure and friends. He personally felt he was nowhere near ready to be a father, despite his love for Pam. And Pam wasn't ready to be a mother. She was still working on becoming more assertive and free willed. But they had time. They had time to love and care for each other, time to figure things out. They had time and he was sure they would make it. He let out a deep breath, feeling more clear headed and content than he had for a long time.

"Pam, get out here!" Alexa stuck her head around Pam's bedroom door. She frowned when she saw what Pam was wearing.

"Why aren't you wearing the outfit I set out for you?" She demanded, stepping into the room and putting her hands on her hips.

"Because I'm just hanging out here and I want to be comfortable." She ran her hands over her loose tee and pyjama pants. Alexa rolled her eyes.

"That's no reason. Go put on the clothes."

"Why? I'm pregnant. I get to do whatever I want." Alexa marched over and rustled around in the wardrobe.

"Oh my, God! You crumpled them!" She cried in horror, holding up the slightly wrinkled green silk dress and black tights. "And where are you shoes...oh, here. These are completely comfy." She assured her friend, tossing the black ballet slippers onto the bed along with the dress and tights.

"Now, once you're dressed...in proper clothes...there's something at my house I want to show you."

"What?" Pam peeled off her tee shirt, knowing that it was sometimes better to just go along with Alexa rather than fight it.

"Just a little something for the baby." Alexa tried to smooth out the dress before handing it to Pam.

"What?'

"It's a surprise."

"What is it?"

"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise."

"Alexa, what is it?"

"Get dressed! Come over straight after!" She dashed out the door as Pam struggled into the dress.

Twenty minutes later she walked into Alexa's house, prepared for a toy for the baby or something but certainly not...

"SURPRISE!"

A baby shower. She swallowed a groan and tried to smile. She looked around. Ribbons in purple, pink and blue were strung around the living room along with matching balloons and large vases of flowers. Alexa rushed up to hug her and Jim slipped a comforting arm around her waist.

"I tried to stop her." He whispered.

"Liar." She muttered, but she was smiling. "I thought baby showers were for people who were, you know, keeping their babies?"

"You know I don't have rules when it comes to parties!" Alexa said. "Were you surprised? Were you?"

"Of course I was." Pam laughed.

"We surprised her!" Alexa announced happily and some of the guests clapped and cheered. Pam realized the crowd was waiting for her to do or say something but her mind went blank.

"Er..." She racked her brain. "Hi. Thanks guys." She tried to smile as the crowd erupted in another cheer and started talking amongst themselves.

"Let me get you a glass of water." Mark offered, disappearing into the crowd.

"Seriously, thanks guys." She said again. "What are we supposed to do at a baby shower though? I've never actually been to one and I didn't expect my first one to be my own!"

"Well, usually you're supposed to play games, like guess the sex of the baby or the due date or the name or something. Or you look at pictures of the mother when they were a baby." Pam immediately scanned the room.

"Oh, tell me you didn't find any!" She pleaded.

"Relax. I guess your mother really loves you or something because she refused to give us any pictures of little baby Pammy." Alexa rolled her eyes good naturedly and Pam made a mental note to thank her mother.

"Look who came," Jim spoke up. He nodded at something and Pam turned to see Lilly and Everett movig towards them.

"Oh, wow." She smiled quickly and Lilly moved in to hug her.

"Hi Pam. Were you surprised?" She smiled brightly.

"Oh, very much. But shouldn't this be for you or something?" Lilly laughed.

"Oh, I would've hated a baby shower. I'm just awful with things like birthdays, I feel so awkward." Me too, Pam thought to herself.

"Well, thanks for coming."

"Of course! We wouldn't miss it."

"Oh, um, this is my best friend , this is Lilly and Everett Mason."

"Hi! Nice to meet you." Alexa warmly shook their hands.

"You too. Did you decorate this place? It looks amazing." Everett said.

"Yes, I did. Thank you." Alexa beamed.

"Alexa is like, a pro at decorating. And managing parties." Jim said.

"Exactly. And right now, my party senses are telling me it's time for games."

"Games?" Mark repeated as handed Pam the glass of water.

"Thanks," she murmured.

"Yes, games." Alexa clapped her hands. Could everyone please take a seat? They played several games. They had to guess the due date, sex, time and weight of the baby and guess what items were under a sheet of cloth. It was better than Pam had expected. While it was more of a party than a baby shower, everyone seemed to be having a good time.

"Do you know what you're having?" Emma, a friend from Pam's class, asked as Alexa handed out prizes.

"We decided to wait to find out."

"That's a good idea." Emma nodded. My aunt just decided that she was going to have a girl and decorated everything in pink clothes, wallpaper, everything.

"Let me guess, it was a boy." Pam laughed.

"You got it."

"That must have been a shock."

"It was! They ended up painting the nursery blue and dying a lot of the clothes and towels." Pam smiled and nodded but she wasn't really listening anymore. She felt a tug of sadness. When the baby was born, it wouldn't matter if it was a baby or a girl. She wasn't going to have to redecorate a nursery. She hadn't even decorated a nursery in a first place. She was going to miss her baby. She loved it. She loved it and she didn't even know it and she was going to give it up. She felt sad. She was jerked out of her thoughts when Lilly sat next to her.

"Hey. You having fun?"

"Definitely. Your friends are nice."

"Yeah." She took a sip of lemonade.

"Are you okay?" Lilly asked, concerned. "You look a little sad."

"Oh, I'm fine. Just a little tired." Lilly nodded sympathetically.

"I can imagine." She said, a little wistfully. "Pam ,I can't tell you how grateful we are to you and Jim. Everett and I have been trying to have a baby for so long and when we found out we couldn't have kids, we were heartbroken." Pam smiled.

"It was for the best. And we're happy to help.' And she meant it. She knew it would be hard, giving up their baby, but it was for the best. She wasn't ready to be a mother and she wouldn't be able to provide her baby with the care and attention it deserved.

"It's not long now." Lilly said. "Just a month left."

"Yeah. I'm kind of nervous, to be honest." Pam admitted, touching her belly.

"Oh, it'll be fine." Lilly rubbed her hand comfortingly. "Woman have been having children since the beginning of time." Pam smiled too and felt the baby shift slightly.

"I suppose it's kind of exciting too. I'm scared but...it will be amazing. The experience." She knew it would be.

**Reviews are not necessary but always welcome! Thanks for reading. X **


	21. Chapter 21

So, I suck. I am actually, seriously awful. I never meant to leave it this long! It was one of those things where I was swamped with schoolwork and then I got writers block and life got in the way and I kind of forgot about it and then year 11 started and I have exams and VCE and then _today _it was like, click. Oh, I've left like, three fanfics just hanging. Oops.

In short, life happened and I suck. So now my question is to you, readers, if you're still out there, do you want me to continue this story? Please let me know if you think I should start this up again.

Thank you so much if you're still waiting for this story to finish – you're super awesome.

Love, StarStrewn.

P.S I was reading over previous chapters. So cringe worthy. Don't you hate reading over old work? I find it so embarrassing, like "did I actually write that? Ugh..."

PP.S Again, sorry! And I'm one of those people who hates waiting for updates, too. I'm such a hypocrite.


	22. Chapter 22

Hi guys-

Okay, so I _do_ intend to finish the story since you want me to. But I'm really, really not sure how to go about this. Originally, I had a plan for this story but since writing this story last, my taste, perspective and opinions have changed a lot and I don't want to finish this story the way I originally planned. Now I agree with more reviewers, specifically, ftmill16.

So right now, I'm just finding it really difficult to write the rest of this story since I set it all up for a different ending which I now don't agree with and I'm not sure how to go on from here. So, if any of you guys have ideas for how this story should go from here on, on what should happen, please let me know and I will be eternally grateful.

(I know, I'm the worst writer _ever,_ asking readers to do this for me. Trust me, shame everywhere.)

Lovelovelove,

StarStrewn


	23. Chapter 23

**Oh, hey there, people who haven't read this fanfic in months because I'm a terrible person who gets easily distracted and doesn't updates! What's up? **

**So, I'm giving this a shot and I'm warning you now, my writing is currently pathetic. Are you sure you want to do this? Okay? Are you sure though? It's your choice. But you've been warned.**

Eight months. She was eight months pregnant. Was this really happening? Pam rolled over in bed, her brain strangely alert and fuzzy at the same time. So it was really happening. Every morning she woke up and found herself surprised by the situation. She was pregnant, really pregnant and this was really happening. And it was happening quickly. Awkwardly, she climbed out of bed and stretched, wincing. Her sleeps were restless and uncomfortable now, she could never find a comfortable position. She wasn't surprised. Things were different now.

Later that afternoon, Pam and Alexa went shopping for baby toys. Pam wanted to get something for the baby, something to remember her.

"Pam?" A woman spoke happily behind her as Pam rifled through stuffed jungle animals.

"I thought it was you!" Pam turned to find Lily beaming at her.

"Oh, wow, Lily! Hi! Um, how are you?"

"Good, good. How are you?" She glanced nervously at Pam's stomach.

"Fine. And the baby is fine." She replied, lightly resting her hands on her stomach.

"Hi Lily, it's good to see you again. Um, Alexa, from the baby shower?" Alexa spoke up.

"Of course, I remember. So….what brings you to the mall?" Lily asked.

"Just looking for a toy for the baby. You know. Something to...remember me by." Lily glanced at Pam's round stomach to her own flat one. A flicker of sad envy shone in her eyes for a moment but it disappeared just as quickly.

"Well, I won't interrupt you." Lily said after a moment of silence. "Have fun, girls." She gave one last smile before walking in the opposite direction.

"That was surprisingly awkward." Pam muttered, pushing a stray lock of hair out of her eyes as she turned back to the stuffed animals."

"What do you mean? You've spoken to them hundreds of times before."

"Well, yeah….but it's always been about the baby or ultrasound photos or adoption papers…never just a casual conversation." Pam sighed. "I don't know….I just feel weird talking to them, because I know I shouldn't in the future, after they have the baby. That would be extremely uncomfortable." She shuddered.

"I guess." Alexa shrugged and made a soft green crocodile dance along Pam's arms. "But they're nice? You like them?"

"Yeah, they're _really_ nice." Pam said quickly. "I like them, but I don't really see the point in getting so close to them only to have to stay away from them later on." She bit her lip.

"Pam." She turned to her friend. "Do you know what you're doing?"

"Shopping for toys?"

"No. I mean, do you know what you're doing? With this baby, with the adoption?"

"Of course I do. Look, just because it's a little awkward with them, it's the right decision. I can't have a baby. It's insane." Alexa laughed.

"Obviously, it's insane! But that doesn't mean you can't handle it. And Jim's a great guy, he's ready to support you." Pam frowned.

"What? Why are you doubting this adoption all of a sudden? You were totally supportive before and now you're questioning it?" She stuffed a tiger back on the shelf and started for the exit.

"Wait! Pam, wait. No, I'm supporting you no matter what you chose!" Alexa caught her arm.

"I'm just saying, make sure you're sure. Because just then, when Lily left, you looked...I don't know. Doubtful. You looked really unsure and that's scary. I'm just saying, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Don't do something just because you think that's what's expected."

Pam shook her head.

"I can't believe we're having this conversation. Like what's your idea? Keep the baby? Just drop Lily and Everett, like they don't deserve happiness?"

"Oh my God, Pam, you're taking this so the wrong way! Please, please, stop. Just listen. Don't get mad. If you want to give the baby up to adoption, fine. If that's the decision for you, fine. I'll support that. But if you decide otherwise? No, just listen." She quickly added as Pam opened her mouth to protest. "If you decide otherwise, that's okay too."

"I can't believe you're-"

"Because we'll still support you! Okay? Me and Mark and your parents and Jim's parents and _Jim_. You know how lucky you are? You have a great, great boyfriend who'd do anything to make you happy, you have wonderful parents who have been so great about this whole situation and you have Mark, who loves you and Jim and you have _me_." Alexa looked at her friend fiercely, with teary eyes. Pam blinked away her own tears and looked away.

"Well that's lovely, Al. That's really lovely but why are you saying this when I'm eight months pregnant?"

"It's not too late." Alexa replied quietly.

"Yes, it is." She crossed her arms. "What are you saying, Al? What brought this little speech on?"

"I'm just saying Pam. You kind of made this decision on your own. Jim's always been kind of shaky on it, he just wants to make you happy so he pushes away his own feelings. Which is what he _always does_."

"No, if Jim had a problem with this, he'd tell me."

"Would you have listened?"

"I..." Pam trailed off, feeling a stab of panic. She could see what Alexa was saying and that annoyed her. She could see the logic in it and that really screwed things up. She thought she finally had the situation figured out, a solution where everyone would be happy and now she was doubting all of it.

"God Pam, I think this conversation is really going the wrong way. I don't want you to think I'm not supporting you or I don't trust your decision. Just to be clear: I will support you. No. Matter. What. I just want to make sure you know what you're doing. And I think you don't really know. Look me in the eyes, tell me I'm wrong about this and I'll back off, yeah?" Pam shook her head. Everything hurt.

"I can't. Look, I have to go, okay? I'll...I'll call you later." She turned and began walking away quickly. She heard Alexa call her name but she didn't turn back.

Jim sat next to Pam on a park bench. Pam was chatting non stop, unusually. She seemed jumpy and nervous.

"Did I tell you I ran into Lily today? I did. With Alexa. We were looking at baby toys which is kind of stupid but I just wanted to buy the baby something, you know? I don't know, anyway. I saw Lily."

"That's nice." He answered vaguely.

"Jim? Hello?" Pam waved her hand in front of his face.

"Sorry? Sorry, I'm just kind of out of it today."

"That's okay. What's up?"

"Nothing." He shrugged. "I'm just tired or something."

"Okay...hey, did I tell you Lily rang the other day actually? She was telling me some really interesting stuff about the baby. About it's fingernails and stuff. It was really, really interesting." She pinched herself to stop babbling.

"Right. Cool." Pam bit her lip.

"Don't you think they're nice?"

"They're nice, they're really nice."

"Don't you think they'll be good parents?" Jim nodded quickly and gave a tight smile.

"Oh, and Everett -"

"Pam, can we not? Can we just talk about something else?" She drew back, trying not to look hurt.

"Oh. Sure, yeah. Sorry."

"It's fine. I'm just kind of sick of talking about this."

"...Why?" He gave her a strange look.

"Why? Because it's upsetting." She tilted her head.

"Because...?"

"Seriously Pam? It's not upsetting for you?" She spread her hands out.

"I don't know what you mean by upsetting. Which part is upsetting for you?"

Jim gritted his teeth. He hated her understanding tone when she wasn't understanding anything.

"All of it. Just all of it – giving the baby up to a pair of strangers. Our baby. I mean, seriously. What do we know about them? He has a double jointed thumb? Well, great! That's the key to being a good parent, right?"

"What, like being a _teenager_ is the right key?"

"Hey, you asked for this conversation. All you do is talk about this baby and the adoption and what Lily said about the baby's heartbeat and it's _hard _for me. It's hard to listen to all this baby talk and know that I'm never going to get to experience it. I won't get to even hold the baby."

"I'm sure you'll get to _hold _it-"

"That's not the point!" He leapt to his feet and sat back down almost immediately, trying to control his temper. He didn't want a fight right now.

"It's...I'm...okay, this is all a bit much." He said. "All I'm saying is-"

"You don't want to give the baby up." Pam supplied.

"I didn't say that-"

"Yes. You did. Or at least, you wanted to."

"Don't put words in my mouth."

"Just say it! Just say what you really think because I'm listening." He opened his mouth. He shut it. Repeat.

"Fine. Yes. I don't want to give this baby up. Are you happy now?" Now Pam was the one on her feet but she didn't sit down.

"No, I'm not happy! Do I look happy? Look at me! I'm pregnant, I'm a teenager and I just found out my boyfriend and I want completely different things!" Jim stood up too.

"Well, I'm sorry. I'm sorry you've only asked my opinion _just now_. I don't even know what's going on with you, Pam. We never talk any more!"

"We talk every day."

"About stupid stuff! About the same things, everyday, about the adoption!"

"That's not stupid." She lowered her voice, shocked.

"That's not what I meant. I just meant, we don't talk about the important stuff. The things we actually need to talk about."

"Like..."

"Like...I don't want to give up the baby. I want to keep it. And you need to consider that. You need to consider me." She was started to cry now.

"I am considering you! I'm considering everything and keeping it is just crazy!"

"Everything is crazy!" He bellowed. He really yelled. Everything cell of his body was shouting and exploding into dust. He needed someone to listen. He needed her to listen right now. "Everything in this world is crazy and it still happens and people still deal with it! You can't fix everything, not everything is going to be perfect. Nothing is perfect. But we can do this!"

"No, we can't." Her voice was soft and shaking and doubtful, the complete opposite of his. "Were would we live? What about expenses? What about our parents? What about school? What are we-"

"We can answer all of those! No, we can!" He grabbed her hand to stop her shaking her head.

"You can't answer every question, Jim."

"I can answer one of them. I can answer what I want and the answer is not adoption."

**Short and so incredibly late, I'm sorry! So, please let me know what you think of this chapter. I'm sitting in my computer chair, gnawing at my nails, desperate for feedback. Not really. But inside I am. Any feedback at all is welcome and again, I am so sorry for the lack of updating, I'm the worst. They will be more frequent now, I promise. **

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed.**

**Lots of love, StarStrewn. **


	24. Chapter 24

**Why are you guys so wonderful? Thank you so much reviewing, it honestly means the world to me and I know everyone says that but it seriously encourages me to keep writing. So thanks, you guys rock!**

"Do you want to keep the baby?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know."

"Do you want to give the baby up?"

"Yes. No."

"Do you...want to make a decision?"

"Al! Not helping!" Pam cried.

"Well, I'm sorry, but your options are limited." Alexa shrugged her shoulders helplessly and sipped her coffee.

"This is so frustrating. Everything was planned, it was all fine and then I had to talk to you and Jim and now I feel all muddled up. It was going to be adoption. It was supposed to be adoption but now..."

"Now what?"

"Now it can't be adoption!" She lowered her voice, aware of how it echoed in the coffee shop. "Because I'll feel bad if it's an adoption."

"Maybe I'm missing something here but if you were fine about adoption before, why not now?"

"Because now Jim had flipped it over and exposed it's ugly side!" Alexa raised her eyebrows, her lips twitching.

"Don't laugh. It's an ugly side! Adoption was looking like a good option and now I know Jim hates it and he's made me doubt it now too." Alexa rolled her eyes. Pam dropped the packet of sugar she was holding.

"_What?_"

"What? Nothing! Nope, nothing at all. I was just looking at the roof. I do that sometimes, you know."

"Oh, right, I forgot about your roof obsession. Get real. What?"

"Come on, Pam, you know. Jim just made you doubt what you felt so sure about with one little speech? I just find it hard to believe that you would flip so easily if you were actually sure about the adoption. You know, you keep saying adoption was the best option, it was right for you, you weren't ready, yada yada and then Jim speaks up and all that's out the window? You're not so sure now? I'm just saying, if you were so easily swayed are you sure adoption was the best option in the first place?"

"Jim is my boyfriend! He's the father! I swayed so easily because he's_ important to me_."

"Alright. I'm sorry." Alexa sullenly stirred her coffee dregs. Pam took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

"No, I'm sorry, Al. You know my hormones are out of control these days, I'm just stressed. The baby is due in less than two months and I don't know what I'm going to do. I can give the baby up for adoption or I can keep it and I'm not feeling good about either right now."

"You and Jim." Alexa corrected her.

"What?"

"You and Jim can give the baby up for adoption or you and Jim can keep it." Now Pam rolled her eyes.

"That's what I meant. Obviously."

Jim rolled over in bed and stared at his bedroom ceiling. It was midday Saturday and he was sick of everything. He didn't want to stay in bed and he didn't want to get out of bed. He had seven missed calls from Pam, twelve from Mark and two from Alexa. He didn't want to return any of them. He knew only one thing. He wanted to keep the baby. He had always wanted that, he had always known that. He could not imagine giving it up – the thought was painful and foreign and he was sick of picturing that scene every time he saw Lily and Everett. His phone vibrated on his bedside table and this time, he picked up.

"'Lo?" He muttered, propping himself up on his elbows.

"Jim? It's me, Alexa. Could you maybe meet us at the park? Like, now?"

"Who's us?"

"Me and Mark."

Mark hugged Jim tightly around his neck from behind.

"Can you get him off? Please?" Jim pleaded to Alexa who lay on her back sucking a piece of grass.

"Oh, let him hug you. He's missed you."

"You didn't return any of my calls!" Mark whined.

"I would call back_ anyone _who rang twelve times in the space of two days, you psycho!"

"I was worried about you."

"Well, quit hugging me and you can admire how alive I am by looking at my face."

"Oh, alright." Mark finally released his friend and shuffled around.

"So why did you want to meet? I mean, where's Pam?" Jim asked. Alexa sat up.

"Well, she's actually what we wanted to talk about."

"She wants to keep the baby." Mark cut to the chase. Jim sat up straighter, his eye bright.

"What? She said that? Did she say that?"

"Not in so many ways," Alexa said quickly. "But she does. Trust me, I know Pam and she doesn't feel right about the adoption. She just thinks it would be easiest and the most logical so that's what she went for. But deep down it doesn't rest well with her."

"I need to hear that from her."

"You won't mate. Not until she realizes it herself." Mark said. "So we want to show her. You know? Talk to her parents, your parents, get them on board and then show her that we can all help with the baby."

"I don't know, you guys. I don't even know if my parents agree with me. My mom is always saying how we're making a good choice and how nice Lily and Everett are."

"Oh, you mean Mr and Mrs Perfect? Yeah, they're so nice. I like they way we barely know anything about them."

"And I like the way Pam and Lily talk about nothing but the baby's fingernails." Alexa added.

"They do talk about fingernails a lot don't they?"

"Okay, this is all very funny you guys." Jim spoke up. "But I'm serious. I want to keep this baby. I don't care what anyone thinks about Lily and Everett. Maybe they would be fantastic parents, maybe they are as great as they seem but I don't care. It's still my baby. I want to be keep it – how are we going to convince Pam of that?"

"You know what?" Mark said after a moment of silence. "Let's convince Pam first. It's no good to convince your parents if Pam doesn't agree. But first we have to find solutions. Answers to all the questions she's going to ask."

Pam shifted on the couch and listened patiently as Lily reminded her again about how important her diet was these days. Was she sure she was taking enough vitamins? Was she drinking enough water? She had to consider the baby while making all dietary decisions, was she aware of that?

"I have this really great book about all this stuff Lily. You really don't have to worry, I'm being very careful."

"Oh, I know. I'm sorry, I'm fussing. I must annoy you, I remember how I used to hate people nagging me when I was your age." Lily apologized, wringing her hands.

"It's fine, really. I just really need to be leaving soon, I'm supposed to meet some friends soon." This was true. She was supposed to meet Alexa, Jim and Mark. However, it was also true that Pam just plain wanted to get away from Lily. Once a week or so, Pam would visit Lily and they would discuss the baby and the adoption – which was fine, most weeks. In fact, most weeks Pam had looked forward to it. She found it easy to talk to Lily and it was the only time she could discuss the baby without feeling guilty or self conscious. But this week, she felt awful. It reminded her of arguing with Jim and her doubts about the adoption. Lily and Everett desperately wanted children and Pam felt terrible for them. She always felt terrible for couples like these, who deserved children and simply couldn't have them. She didn't want to pull out of the adoption and let them down but she couldn't go into this adoption feeling 100% happy. Or even 10% happy. All she felt was 100% confusion.

"So, this was great, really." She said, rising and brushing off her skirt. "I'll...speak to you soon?"

"Of course! Of course! Do you...do you need help?" Lily eyed Pam's round stomach nervously.

"No, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Okay. Well, I'll see you soon Pam. Thanks for coming over."

"Sure. Thanks for the tea and everything."

"You're welcome..." The ending was always awkward. This was nothing new, Pam knew that. But she couldn't stop the paranoid feelings that flooded her – did Lily suspect Pam was having second thoughts? Did Everett? He had called last night to tell Pam that he'd put the ultrasound photos on a disc and it was usually Lily who called. No, she was being paranoid. She knew herself and she knew this routine – she would talk herself up into a fit of anxiety and then talk herself down with logic. She made it to the door.

"Bye Lily." She said vaguely, still lost in her thoughts. She walked faster. She wanted to see Jim and apologize about their fight. It had kept her up all night and she felt awful. She knew she should have listened to him and she knew she was being selfish. It was just hard. But then again, she reminded herself as she had reminded herself so many times that day, it was hard for Jim too.

"Stop pacing." Alexa said from her spot on Pam's bed.

"Should we be in her room?" Mark asked, ignoring Alexa's request. "It's a bit confronting. Not to mention an invasion of privacy."

"You think we should have this conversation in the living room? One room away from the kitchen? Where her father can hear us loudly and clearly?" Jim asked.

"Oh, that'd go down well. That's a good way to let her father know..." Alexa caught Mark's arm to stop his pacing. "Sit down. You'll make her nervous." At that moment, Pam walked in. And jumped about ten feet.

"What the hell?"

"Hey, Pam." Alexa said calmly.

"Weren't we supposed to meet at the park?"

"That was a cover." Mark admitted. "This is actually," he rose and led Pam by the shoulders to sit on her armchair. "An intervention." He paused. "No, wait, is that the right word?"

"Hey." Jim said.

"Hey." Pam shifted uncomfortably in her chair. "Um...listen, about our last, uh, conversation?"

"That's actually what we're here about." Alexa said. Pam raised her eyebrows.

"Ohh...kay..." Jim stared at Pam. He couldn't believe how long it had been since they'd just...talked. Had a regular conversation. He missed that. It was sappy and maybe a little sad but it was true. He wanted old Pam, who would have listened to him and would have cared about what he wanted. And it actually really sucked that she didn't listen.

"What?" Pam's voice interrupted his thoughts.

"What?" Jim repeated.

"You just said it actually really sucked that I don't listen to you?"

"Dude." Mark said. "That wasn't in the script." There was a moment of bewildered silence.

"Sorry. No. Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm sick of being sorry." He sighed. "Listen Pam, I want to keep the baby. We all do, actually, me and Mark and Lex. And we think you want to as well."

"Where do you get off telling what I want? And may I remind you Mark and Lexie aren't actually apart of this decision?"

"Okay, fine. But _I _am. I am a _big _part of this decision and you can't just push me to one side and say this is all for the best when it's not. It's _not_ for the best if we don't agree on it! I don't want to get rid of this baby. That's the plain and simple truth and all the logic in the world won't change my mind. You want this adoption because it's easiest. Reasonably, it's easiest, right? You give the baby up to this so called perfect couple and go on with life like it never happened."

"That's not fair." Her voice trembled with tears but he pushed on. He needed to say this.

"Life's not fair. It's not fair that we're in this situation but we are. And we have to deal with it properly, not just by following the guidebook of life that tells you to give up when something gets hard."

"That's _really_ not fair!" Pam stood up angrily, brushing tears away. Alexa moved to comfort her but she pulled away. "Do you think giving this baby up is easy for me? I'm not having the time of my life here in case you couldn't tell! You make it sound like keeping the baby is so simple when it's not. We have less than two months before this baby comes and that's not a lot of time. I do care about this baby. And I care about you."

"We can handle this then!" Jim cried. "Okay? Listen to me, just listen." He took both her hands in his.

"I'm not saying this is easy. Obviously. But I'm saying we could handle it. And you have to think in long terms. In short terms, yeah, adoption is a good solution. But what about two years from now or even just one? When we're older? I know you, Pam Beesly. And you would regret giving up this baby without really thinking about it. In long terms, we could be happy. We could have a _family. _Maybe adoption looks best on paper. Lily and Everett look great on paper. But in real life, things don't work out so perfectly. On baby you give up the baby and you wave goodbye and it's bittersweet but mainly sweet. In real life, this would tear our hearts apart. It would kill me to see this baby go and it would hurt you too."

"Jim, I don't know...if I can." Pam tried to find the words. She took a deep breath. "Could we actually do that? Can we really do that?"

"We could." Alexa was the one who answered. "You know my mother works at the daycare? She says there's a position available for work there if you want it. That would cover daycare and insurance. I've already arranged that with her so it's yours if you want it."

"And we'd all be here to help." Mark added. "To baby sit and help you read the mountain of baby books I checked out of the library this afternoon. I already learned how to pin a diaper." Pam blinked and let another tear fall. Jim wiped it away and moved a little closer.

"I'm not saying it's the perfect solution. But there is no perfect solution. Adoption is just...not a solution. And I'm not jut saying that because it's not what I want. I'm saying it because we're choosing adoption for all the wrong reasons. We're choosing adoption because it seemed like what we should do. But it's not what we want."

"No." Pam agreed softly. "It's not what we want." Jim's heart gave a lurch that almost made his chest split open.

"Then...you agree? You would...you _want_...to keep our baby?" She nodded. Alexa burst into tears (which was rare for her) and Mark clutched his heart and fell on the bed dramatically. Jim kissed Pam and held her hand tighter.

"Wait though, wait," she pulled away. "This is still insane. Where would it live? What about our parents? I mean..."

"I still have some of your old baby clothes." A quieter, hesitant voice spoke from the doorway. Pam's heart froze and fell as she turned to see her mother at the doorway, eyes wide and a laundry basket at her feet.

"Mom..." Her mouth dried up.

"And I think your crib...is still in the attic."

"Mom. What are you...are you saying it's okay?"

"Mrs Beesly, please, please." Jim could not believe his ears, his eyes. This was all too real, it was really happening and it was so close and the happiness was exploding in his ears and chest and knees.

"Are you saying you support this?" His voice sounded foreign to himself. He felt like he was outsie of his body.

"I'm saying if this is what you want...both of you really, truly wanting it...well. I would have to talk to your father, of course, and let me speak to him first but...I...it would be nice. Having a baby in the house."

**Ugh. Ew. Okay. Not sure how I'm feeling about this chapter but I wanted to post something so here it is. As I'm sure you already know, I encourage reviews. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Thank you all so much for reviewing, I'm so glad you're enjoying the story. I'm not totally happy with this chapter, it's short and kind of sappy but here it is. Hope you enjoy. I encourage (nay, _demand_) lengthy comments and look forward to hearing from each and every one of you which parts of Jim and Pam in this chapter made you gag and which parts made you 'aw'. **

Pam held her breath as she set the table for dinner, knowing that if the slightest feather fell on this thin mist of peace, everything would shatter. She and her parents had invited the Halperts over for dinner. When they'd arrived, they were surprised to find Jim, Pam and her parents in the living room looking grave and nervous.

"It's our baby. It's our decision." Jim had said when they'd told them about keeping it.

"This is...there's not enough time, Jim, think rationally about this." Mr Halpert kept saying. Mrs Halpert put her hand on her husband's arm.

"No, they're right. It's their baby, their choice. And Jim was never okay with adoption, you know that."

"We both have jobs." Pam put in earnestly. "At the daycare, and Jim fixes all those cars. The baby could have our spare room as a nursery,"

"And I still have some of Pam's things from when she was a baby." Her mother added.

"This is a huge responsibility." Mr Beesly said. He'd taken the news fairly calmly when Pam had told him, the way he often took news. He let it register before putting in his thoughts.

"And you have to be prepared for it. You'll have to tell the adoption parents and you have to be sure about it. Don't back out two weeks from now, you have to make this decision right here, right now, so be sure. Do you really want to keep this baby? Are you absolutely sure? Because say yes, and we're here. We'll support you," he gestured to the adults and himself, "but you have to be sure." Pam and Jim exchanged glances and said in perfect unison:

"Yes."

It had taken a couple of hours and a couple of drinks in Mr Halpert's case but they'd all come around to the idea. They had decided the baby would live at the Beesly house and while Jim and Pam couldn't live together, Jim could spent 4 nights a week at their house (in separate sleeping rooms, Mrs Halpert stressed more than once). Over two hours later, they sat down for dinner. Their parents continued discussing arrangement, possibilities and responsibilities. They went over the same points, again and again until the plates were cleared and their parents were content with it. She couldn't be sure, but Pam even thought she saw Mr Halpert smiling at the idea of having a baby around.

It was 4am when Jim shook Pam awake gently. He'd stayed over, sleeping on the couch but he kept waking. He wanted to be with Pam. They'd spent so much time fighting and having things be tense between them and now that things were working out, he wanted to be with her. He woke her up, careful not to wake her parents.

"Jim?" She whispered.

"Come down to the beach with me."

"What?" She woke up fully and laughed a little. "The beach?"

"It's only a fifteen minute walk." So they ended up sitting on the beach – everything is different at night. The world is quiet and you feel a different kind of atmosphere everywhere.

Jim looked at Pam hard and serious, like he was trying to read her mind. She couldn't possibly find words for the way she was feeling so instead she did the next best thing and kissed him. He kissed her back, deeper and more intense. Pam felt things she had never felt before, in places she didn't know existed, like a hundred hungry little flowers waking up and blooming in the sun after a long, harsh winter. Her heart was beating faster than her mind and she didn't try to slow it down. She wanted to devour everything about him. The taste of his mouth, his shampoo, the brightness of his smile...Through the silk of his hair, she watched the low orange moon, breathing heavily and waiting for the stars to fall down around them. But they didn't fall. They just faded, looking on in silence, lingering over the rushing waves as Jim broke away from her and smoothed her hair. The night sky paled along with the receding tide, evaporating in the weak dawn along with the tension

between them they'd at long last abandoned.

"Stay with me, Pamela Beesly," he whispered sleepily, smiling. She reached down to touch his cheeks lightly.

"I'm not going anywhere." She said. He closed his eyes and she looked out to the licorice soup sea. The waves whispered upon the shore, surging forward only to pull back.

It was after five now and she lightly shook Jim's shoulder. He stirred and sat up, looking at her with his hazy green eyes, shivering in the morning cold and smiling.

"What?" She asked self consciously, burrowing her foot in the sand, hiding her own secret smile.

"Don't move, okay? Everything is perfect right now." He lay back on the sand again, gesturing for her to do the same. She looked up at the sky, studying the last traces of the stars.

"What do you see?" He asked. She told him about the shapes she found in the stars, like they were clouds. The sky was turning from smoky gray to a pale pink, signaling morning was coming and they had to get back soon.

"We have to get back." She said. They both sat up again. Her skin was tingling and her feet were covered in sand. She felt a million and twelve times better after last night. She had missed feeling so close to Jim.

"Let's just stay for 5 more minutes, then we'll go back." He promised her. The clouds were ablaze with colour, covering the stars so that it was properly morning now. The clouds turned amber, tangerine, lemon, dusty rose. Although Pam couldn't explain how, she felt that everything was going to turn out okay. Jim slipped his arm around Pam and drew her close. She lay her head on his shoulder.

"Now is a time for us to cherish." Pam said, without even thinking about it.

"Cherish?" He echoed.

"Yeah," she felt a little embarrassed. "I thought this was the worst time of my life, I thought this baby ruined everything and all I wanted to do was get rid of it. Give it up. I don't know, it's like now that I've accepted it and just accepted the fact I want to keep it, everything's easier. And I can work through it."

Pam could hear Jim's echo of agreement from her snuggled up position against his chest.

"I like that," he said. "A time for us to cherish."

"And so are you, Pam" He added. "You are the one I cherish."

**What's that? Oh, it's the sound of my gagging. I forgot how much I hate writing the sappy stuff. I don't feel very good at it but I thought you guys deserved some pure fluff between Jim and Pam – they've been apart so long. I know this was a slightly pointless chapter but I'm working on the next chapter (when they tell Lily and Everett the news, dun dun dun) right now so it should be up soon.**

**Okay, so this chapter fought me every bloody step of the way. I know most of you are probably disappointed I didn't go into more detail with them telling their parents and discussing keeping the baby. I was planning on doing that, it was supposed to be most of this chapter but I couldn't get it right. I rewrote it about 5 times before giving up and leaving it as that. So I'm sorry about that, I just wasn't happy with it. **

**Anyway, thanks for reading and please review! **

**Love, SS. **


	26. Chapter 26

**SORRY for the lack of updating! I've been super busy. That's a lie. I've been somewhat busy and super lazy, but in my defense, I did actually start this chapter, like, three days ago and I've just been struggling with it. And I will be updating more quickly now because I have a new idea for a fanfiction (not an Office one, a Harry Potter one) that I'm itching to start but I want to finish this one first. Anyway, thank you all for the reviews, as usual, you guys rock. Hope you like this chapter. =)**

Jim and Pam were walking through the neighborhood, whispering in the middle of the street at two in the morning.

"Everything will be different." She whispered into the shadows of the night. "When the baby is born."

"Not here. We'll be the same."

"What if I come back from the hospital and it's different? Sometimes you go to a place where everything is different and everything you know changes and no one ever looks at you the same. People don't look at me like they used to. Once I start walking around with a baby, everyone will judge me."

"No way." Was all Jim could say. He kissed her.

"People are used to the idea now. And who cares? Seriously, after all this, no one else should matter." He put his hand on her stomach.

"It's just the three of us now."

Lily and Everett's house felt different now. She felt like the stranger she was. Jim's knee was shaking beside her and she placed her hand on it to steady him.

"We have to be confident when we tell him." She reminded him softly, aware that they could probably hear them from the kitchen where they were making tea. "They might try to talk us out of it, or get really angry or like, break down and we just have to push through."

"Right."

"But be nice, this will be hard for them too."

"Right."

"But assertive."

"Let's just tell them, okay? Being here is creepy." Pam smiled quickly as Lily returned followed by Everett with cups of tea.

"Thanks," but neither Jim nor Pam touched their cups.

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Everett sipped his tea. Jim ran his hand through his hair nervously – they looked so nice, sitting on the couch like a model couple. The white couch they sat on was spotless and the picture of the sailboat behind them sat square on the wall. He could hear the clock ticking in the hallway and the scent of the vase of freesias was making him nauseous. Perfect. Everything was too perfect here. But life isn't always perfect, things don't always work out as planned, and people usually don't live up to expectations. That was life. It was the unexpected twists that made it interesting and unique.

"We actually have some bad news." Pam said smoothly. He couldn't believe how calm she being until he saw her hand shaking.

"Is it about the baby? Is it sick?" Lily reacted immediately, putting her tea down and grabbing Everett's hand.

"No, no, nothing like that! I mean, yes. No. Yes, it is about the baby but nothing like that is wrong." Pam stared at the carpet. No, she would look at them. They deserved that at least.

"You have been so wonderful." She began earnestly. "So wonderful. And you are going to be such fantastic parents some day. I really believe that. And I thought when we met everything would work out but...things have changed. And we've decided to keep the baby." That clock ticking was agonizing.

"We're so sorry." Jim spoke up, relieved to hear his voice was steady.

"We are. You have no idea how sorry we are, we just can't go through with it." Lily's eyes were brimming with tears.

"What did we do wrong?" She asked. "I tried so hard...we...we did everything right. I don't understand."

"No, you were, um, perfect." Jim said. He felt miserable. "We're so sorry." He wrung his hands. He wanting to keep spouting apologies but knew that wasn't what they wanted to hear. He couldn't even bear to look at Pam, knowing he would break if he did. Everett looked a little dazed, one hand clutching his wife's and the other lying lifelessly on his knee.

"We decorated a nursery." He said.

"I know." Pam answered. "I know, we're sorry."

"We just got this new stroller."

"We're...we are...sorry. We really are sorry." Jim managed to choke out. His mouth felt like it was full of dust. Everett finally met his eyes.

"You're sorry? What does that...what does that even mean? You're sorry? Sorry doesn't solve anything!"

"I know. I know, we..." Pam shut her eyes. If she could be anywhere but here. All she could think to say were apologies. The room felt uncomfortably warm and eery. How did she end up here? In this house, with these people, with a baby in her stomach, watching a full grown woman sob. In uncomfortable situations she often found herself wanting to laugh but this was just too serious. Absurdly serious. It felt like the most serious, humorless, grown up thing she'd ever done. She looked at Jim. He looked like a serious man doing a serious thing. God. What was going on? Everything felt completely out of place, simultaneously familiar and foreign. Jim was saying something earnestly beside her but she couldn't pay attention. She hoped whatever he was saying would calm Lily down a bit. And then she caught Lily's eye. It felt painfully intense and a deep feeling of shame passed over her. Lily stopped crying.

"What did we do wrong?" She asked. Jim stopped talking. Pam made a strangled sort of noise.

"What did we do wrong?" Lily repeated. She was looking at Pam.

"N-nothing."

"No, I want a reason! We did everything right! We tried to so hard to be what you needed, what this baby needed and it still didn't work out! So I want a reason. I want a reason for why I can't have children. Why nothing works. Why this adoption fell through, why that nursery is painted when we don't have a baby, why all I want to be is a _mother_ and I _can't have children_." Pam sat silently. She didn't know what to say. What was the reason? The reason was her. The reason was Jim. The reason was the baby. It was them. That was all she could think.

"It's us." She said simply. "It's...us. Me and Jim and the baby. That's why we need to keep the baby. Because it's ours." She knew that was selfish, insensitive, she knew it was the opposite of what Lily and Everett needed to hear but it was true.

"It's our baby and it's our lives and our decision and if we gave this baby up we would regret it more than anything in the world."

"You're making a mistake." Lily shook her head and smiled ruefully. "You're going to regret _keeping_ it."  
"Lily."

"No, Everett. Let me say this. You're making a mistake, okay? You're just kids! You haven't even finished school! Do you're parents know? Where are you going to live, where will you get the money, what about college, what about jobs, what about marriage? What if you break up, what if you have this baby and change your mind? _Again_?"

"Now, hold on." Jim said, more forcefully than he had intended. "We know we've done something terrible to you and we feel awful about it. We're truly, truly sorry that we put you through this. It was thoughtless and insensitive of us and I know this is incredibly hard on you but you can't speak to us that way. This is our baby and our decision. Who are you to tell us it's the wrong one? We've worked it out. We have a place to live, we have an income, we have supportive families and friends and we have plans. We can still go to college and get jobs. This baby," he said, "is _not_ a burden." He was breathing heavily. He had never felt so old in his life. And he had never felt so sure of where he was in his life. He was with Pam and the baby and that was the way it was supposed to be. Pam slipped her hand into his and squeezed it tightly.

"We're sorry." He went on. "I won't say it again because I know it won't help what you're feeling but please listen to it and believe it now because we are so sorry. But it's our baby. It's our lives. It's our decision and we're sure of it." They stood up at the same time. Everett and Lily stared at them, Lily looking half furious and half helpless, Everett simply holding her hand.

"We should leave." Jim said unnecessarily. Just before they walked out the door, Pam turned around. She meant to say something along the lines of one last apology but something Lily said was annoying her in the back of her mind and it flew out of her mouth before she could stop it.

"And there is no way in hell Jim and I are breaking up." She said, closing the door quietly behind her. There was a beat of silence as they stood together on the gravel driveway.

"I shouldn't have said that." She muttered as they walked home.

"I'm glad you did."

"It was such a bad thing to say at that time." She shook her head.

"I don't think there's really a right thing to say, honestly. I don't think there's anyway to do something like that in a way that won't hurt anyone."

"It's my fault, though." She sighed. "I pushed this adoption on you, I got all buddy-buddy with Lily, I kept telling myself over and over that adoption was the right thing." He stopped walking and turned to her, tilted her head to face him with his fingers.

"Listen to me. It's not your fault. I agreed to the adoption too. I could have said no, I could have stopped it. If anything, it was worse of me because I knew it was wrong and I still let it happen. And Lily and Everett, well, I feel terrible. Obviously. But they can still be parents. We weren't there only chance. And what it comes down to is us. That it's us and if anyone can raise a baby in a situation like this, it's us. Okay?" Words failed her. She kissed him soundly before walking on. Beside her, step for step, breath for breath, was Jim and the future they had ahead of them. That was when she knew it. This feeling wouldn't go away. Home wasn't a place, it was a person and her person was Jim. They would never not get through something. He would never leave her and she would never leave him and their baby only proved that. It was all a part of them. She would never stop loving Jim or the baby. That's just how it was. Love and life are connected and you can't get through one without the other. All they could do was love each other and love the world.

Two days later, there was a knock on the Beesly's door. Jim and Pam were in the living room going through boxes of baby things, her mother upstairs. Jim answered the door to see Everett standing there with a wide yellow envelope in his hand.

"Oh." Everett looked surprised. "Jim. I...I didn't expect you to be here."

"Um, did you want me to get Pam for you? Or..."

"No, no, that's fine. You, um, I just wanted to give you this." He gingerly handed the envelope to Jim, looking pained. Jim noted the dark shadows under his eyes and, most uncomfortably, he noticed the red in his eyes from crying. He stared at his feet.

"It's the ultra sounds pictures, things like that. We don't really need them anymore, do we?" He shrugged. His words weren't an accusation or filled with spite. They were just truthful.

"I don't know what to say." Jim said honestly. He'd never spoken a lot to Everett, it had mainly been Pam who'd talked to them but in every conversation Jim had had with him, Everett had been very friendly and polite.

"There's not much we can say." Everett answered after a moment of silence.

"Who's at the door-" Pam came up behind Jim and bit her lip, seeing Everett.

"Oh." The uncomfortable silence deepened as Mrs Beesly came down the stairs.

"I should leave." Everett said at once. Mrs Beesly glanced over the scene and took it all in.

"Did you want to come in for tea or something?"

"Oh, no. No, I think I should go. There's not really a reason for me to be...here anymore." There was a pause as no one knew how to say goodbye.

"Well. Good bye then." Everett turned and began to walk away. Mrs Beesly squeezed Jim's shoulder once and brushed her hand over Pam's hair and disappeared upstairs again. Pam swallowed. She wanted to ask if Lily was okay, if he was okay, and stupidly enough, were they angry? It was a petty thing to wonder, she knew, but she'd always hated to be in fights. She hated to have people be angry with her and she couldn't bear the idea that she would never seen Everett or Lily again. She couldn't bear the idea that she would be angry at her forever.

"Everett!" She called out, surprising herself. He glanced back but she couldn't find the words. There was nothing really to say but she didn't want to leave it like this. Everett turned around fully to study her and Jim in the doorway and gave a sort of half shrug.

"It happens. She'll be okay." He managed. He wasn't smiling but he wasn't angry either. She felt Jim's arm go around her as she watched Everett walk away. She was half relieved to know he didn't hate them and that he understood her concern for Lily and half devastated because...just because of the situation. She knew he was a good person, who forgave them even though they'd hurt him and his wife and she felt terrible for that. But it was all over now and she reminded herself that she had to move on from that and just concentrate on the future. You couldn't go back but you could go forward.

**So, a couple of things: first, I did originally write this with the parents being there while they were telling Lily and Everett the decision but I scrapped that because it didn't sit well with me. In the end, I really believed this was something that Pam, in particular, had to do alone. When I wrote them, the parents just felt like crutches and I wanted Jim and Pam to do this alone and see the consequences but also finalize that decision and confirm that it was what they wanted, no matter what. **

**Secondly, a few people have mentioned they think something is off with Lily and Everett, like they're too perfect and I just want to let you know that there is nothing like that. Obviously they aren't perfect because no one is, but they came across as 'too perfect' and stuff because they were trying to be. They wanted to be this perfect adoption couple but it all comes back to that whole thing of nothing being perfect and you can't make yourself or a situation perfect, which is just like with Pam trying to make adoption the perfect solution. Nothing is perfect and I wanted both Jim+Pam and Lily+Everett to realize that. **

**Phew. I'm not great at explaining things so I hope that all made sense. (Also, I said 'perfect' so much I'm not sure if it's even a word now.)**

**Reviews are heaven. Especially for this chapter because I'm not totally happy with the end part with Everett so I'd like to hear some thoughts on that. **

**Thanks for reading! **

**StarStrewn x**


	27. Chapter 27

**Okay, I'll keep this short and get right into this chapter but I just have to say: thank you so, so much to everyone who reviews. Honestly, I often feel insecure about my writing and to get such lovely reviews, particularly for the last chapter is fantastic and it keeps me going. **

Jim was sitting on the curb outside his house barefoot in jeans and a white tee eating a bowl of cereal. It was 6:17am and it felt like the whole world was asleep aside from Jim, who felt wide awake. He'd stayed up all night preparing for the baby – repainting furniture and Pam's old crib, wrestling his own old stroller out of the garage and clearing it of cobwebs and dust, folding baby clothes and going out at midnight with Mark to buy extra paint. Pam, Jim, Alexa and Mark and spent most of the night walking back and forth between Jim and Pam's houses and setting up the guest room for the baby's nursery. When the room was painted a pale blue ("Because girls can like blue too," Alexa had kept saying,) a toy chest half filled with toys and the furniture had been assembled, repainted or dusted, Pam, Alexa and Mark had dropped off one by one. Jim, however, felt wide awake. Leaving a note and walking home, he'd taken a shower and dressed in clean clothes before sitting outside. It was nice to sit outside alone while the rest of the world was asleep and just let it register. They were keeping the baby – he was going to be a father. It felt like the most perfect place for him. With Pam, with a child, together. To Jim, it was simple. Some people knew they were meant to be a lawyer, others a doctor, but as soon as he'd met Pam he'd know he was meant to be with her, no matter what. He was ready for this. He wanted this. It was ahead of schedule maybe, but it was what he had always wanted. He knew that.

Mark dramatically pushed a chest of drawers beside the freshly painted crib, exaggerating it's heaviness.

"Done! And it only took us a million and twelve hours!" Alexa and Pam clapped halfheartedly, but genuinely. Pam looked around the room and smiled at the end result. They'd worked throughout the night, Mr and Mrs Beesly coming in every now and then to help. The walls were painted pale blue, the furniture white, matching the white carpet and curtains. It was a simple room, pulled together last minute but it was lovely to Pam. There was a toy chest filled with toys and a chest of drawers with clean clothes newly folded. Above the crib was a stars and planet mobile made by Alexa and beside it was a yellow duck lamp. By the window was the changing table and in the corner, a rocking chair. When she looked around the room she could see old parts of her childhood – the soft rabbit and giraffe toys in the rocking chair, her old baby blanket filling the crib, even some of her old baby clothes that would be suitable for either sex. She could see new things like the lamp and the picture books. And she could her friends and family here and there – the mobile made by Alexa, the bookshelf made by a proud Mark and Jim, the colourful throw rugs Mrs Halpert had made herself, the curtains her mother had put up.

She felt support vibrating off the walls. There were in it together. And she had finally figured out. There was never an old Pam or a new Pam. Everything that had happened was just a part of who she was. When she looked around the baby's room, or placed her hand on her round stomach, or closed her eyes, she remembered snapshots of her life. Jim lying beside her on the beach pointing out constellations, the smell of the ocean the night they'd decided to keep the baby, could hear the music from the tapes Mark had made her, the touch of Alexa's hand in her's when people stared. She could see Jim laughing at something, bent over his history book, pointing out a star, rubbing car oil off his face, lost in his own world and whistling. She hadn't lost her life, she was creating a new one. Like the stars, fading with the vanishing moon, like the ocean meeting and losing the shore, nothing had ever gone away. It had just changed. Into something beautiful.

By noon Jim had returned and they were still tired but happy. Pam began washing a few dishes while the other three sat at the table talking. Mark had rested his head on Alexa's shoulder and was drifting in and out of sleep while Jim and Alexa played some sort of card game which, apparently, Alexa had made up. Pam smiled to herself, feeling better than she had in a long time. She'd tried to feel this way when she chose adoption – telling herself it was all sorted out but she knew now this was how it was supposed to be. She stretched her arm out to put a plate in the drying rack when she felt a sharp pain followed by warm liquid flowing down her leg. She took a sharp breath. Labor. Labor? Was she going into labor? Another sharp pain jabbed her and she dropped the plate making it shatter across the kitchen floor. Mark's head snapped up and Pam met his eyes first. In less than a second he seemed to realize what had happened and he leapt from the table.

"I'll get your parents." He said, already moving towards the stairs. Pam clutched her stomach and breathed heavily. Could this happen now? She'd focused all her thoughts onto Jim and the adoption and Lily and Everett she hadn't even considered this. The actual birth. Oh God. She hadn't even gone to the classes she'd signed up for. She was only vaguely aware of Jim and Alexa speaking and soon her parents and Mark's voices joined the mix.

"Pam? Pam, you're going into labor, honey, quickly, come with me." Her mother finally broke through the sea of voices. Pam raised a shaking hand to her forehead. She turned to Jim. He was staring at her with such intensity that her entire body reacted to it like a magnet to iron, no choice but the natural order of things moving closer. She had never seen him look so calm or so serious. She had never seen him look older, not even when they'd told Lily and Everett they were keeping the baby. He took her hands in his and looked at her.

"It's going to be okay." He said smoothly. He was the calm of the storm. All around him people were panicking but he was calm and sure. "We just have to get you to the car, okay, and then we'll get you to the hospital. Come on." She whimpered softly as he led her outside. Her father was already waiting with the car.

"Ow!" she shrieked as a tremendous pain in her stomach sent shock waves through her body.

"It's okay, you're okay, just get to the car." Jim chanted. Her back throbbed and she put her hand to her head, trying to stop the dizziness.

"The baby...isn't due for another three days." She managed to say, feeling incredibly stupid. She wasn't sure why she'd said that – obviously the baby was coming, she told herself. God. But still. She was supposed to have three more days.

"Approximately three days!" Mark's voice reached her and she turned to see him beside her, Alexa just behind with Pam's suitcase. All the colour in his face had drained and Pam actually felt quite touched by his worry.

"You go with Jim and Dad," Mrs Beesly ordered, "and I'll follow with Alexa and Mark." Pam was about to protest, wanting her mother but simply nodded as another wave of pain hit her, there was no time to sort out car arrangements. It was happening. She was going into labor.

**Oh my God, labor, it's shocking, tell me what you think! Do you think the baby will be a boy or a girl? **

**Sorry this was a little short but I think the important event makes up for it. =)**

**Thanks for reading and reviews mean I won't doubt my writing which means I'll be motivated which means I'll write more faster which means you'll find out the sex of the baby faster! **

**Love, SS x**


	28. Chapter 28

**Thank you all for the reviews! They were lovely, as usual, and I hope you like this chapter. We're almost at the end guys – I think just one more chapter. **

"She's beautiful, isn't she?" She murmured.

"Absolutely." Jim struggled to speak coherently. He felt dazed and warm. "She's the most beautiful baby girl in the whole world." He reached down to touch the tiny pink hand and gazed in wonder as her even tinier fingers curled around his, feeling his heart swell to ten times it's normal size. He tore his gaze away from the baby for a second to look at Pam. Her hair was mussed, sheen of perspiration on her forehead and her lips were red from biting them but she looked calm and content, staring lovingly at the baby in her arms. The two of them looked perfect together, mother and daughter. He remembered wonderful, unforgettable memories – hearing the baby's heartbeat, feeling the baby kick for the first time, Pam's tears when the nurse placed the baby in her arms, her joy and delight to discover it was a girl. An entire lifetime ahead of them to create even more memories – it was worth it. It had all been worth it. Jim lay down beside Pam, cheek to cheek, with six pounds, three ounces of a miracle between them. They were complete.

"What should we name her?" Jim asked.

"What do you want to name her?" she asked in reply. He thought for a moment and then carefully picked the baby up, still not used to her in his arms. She fit perfectly.

"Something beautiful." He said. "Like Aurora. It means new beginning."

"Aurora?" Pam closed her eyes sleepily. She considered this. "I like Aurora." Jim smiled to himself and stroked the baby's cheek with his finger.

"Do you like Aurora?" he asked. At that moment the baby's eyes fluttered open for a second and he caught the brilliant blue. He knew all baby's eyes were blue and would change later but he took it as a sign anyway. "I think she likes it."

"Aurora. Aurora Grace."

"Grace?" Jim raised his eyebrows. "It means blessing." Pam recited, having read countless baby name books. "So she's a blessed new beginning. That sounds fitting. But we don't have to call her that. If you don't want to. I mean, I want you to like –" Jim smiled.

"Sh. I think it's beautiful." He said.

"Really?"

"Really." They sat in silence for a moment until Jim could tell Pam had fallen asleep by the sound of her even breathing. He didn't move. He watched the sleeping baby in his arms and let himself cry, just for a minute. He felt he was overflowing with happiness.

It wasn't long after she woke that Pam heard voices coming from the hall and Alexa's laugh. Technically the hospital only allowed two visitors at a time, but their parents, Alexa and Mark filled the room despite this. The first people to come over were the Beesly parents. Pam was glad her mother would be the first person to see and hold their baby. She had tears trickling down her cheeks and she gently took the baby from Jim,

"Oh, Pam, she's beautiful." She managed through tears. She looked at Aurora with such pride, such love that Pam almost cried again. After a minute, Mrs. Beesly reluctantly passed the baby to Mr. Beesly, who beamed at the little pink bundle and turned to Jim and Pam.

"I'm so proud of you guys." He was usually so reserved with his feelings but he said this clearly and unashamed, no trace of embarrassment. Next to hold the baby was Mr. and Mrs. Halpert – Mr. Halpert, who was swallowing hard nodded proudly at Jim. Pam slipped her hand into Jim's and squeezed lightly. He bent to kiss her head and she felt him smiling. Next was Alexa, who looked so unexpectedly motherly, holding the baby that Pam had to stop herself from gasping. Alexa gently rocked the baby for a minute before passing it to Mark and swooping down to kiss Pam on the cheek and whisper how proud she was of her and how glad she was to be her friend.

"I'm the lucky one," Pam said in her ear as they hugged, "I love you Lexie." She felt tightness in her chest, but a good one, like there was too much joy in her body. It was Mark who broke the seriousness in the room when he held the baby looking awkward.

"Hello." He said formerly to the tiny baby, "I'm Mark." Jim laughed at his friend's discomfort and held his arms out to take the baby back.

"So how are you feeling, Pam?" Her mother asked her, taking her hand.

"I'm fine. Just tired." She admitted.

"Have you decided on a name?" Alexa spoke up.

"Oh my God, yes, we haven't even asked about the name!" Mrs. Halpert cried.

"Aurora Grace." Jim announced. His father's eyebrows shot up but everyone else looked lovingly at the baby and started repeating the name.

"It means a blessed new beginning," he explained to his father who nodded in understanding.

"Maybe Rory for short." Mark suggested.

"That's cute," Pam looked at Jim who nodded.

Eventually, everyone left the hospital, ushered out by a nurse, wishing both Jim and Pam congratulations and cooing over the baby. Halfway down the hall, Pam could hear Mark and Alexa chanting some sort of song they were making up about Aurora and laughed. Not much happened after that – they sat together quietly until it was late and Pam told Jim to go home for a bit. He eventually agreed and after kissing the baby and Pam about a hundred times, he was gone and she was alone. If she was honest, she liked that she was on her own just for a little while.

In the silence, with Aurora Grace in her arms, she could contemplate what had happened. All of it. From the very start, sitting and staring at the pregnancy test in devastation to telling Jim, to meeting Lily and Everett to backing out of the adoption, to the utter exhaustion of giving birth and learning the true stretch of her vocal chords with Jim's hand in hers, to holding her perfect daughter in her arms. She couldn't believe this moment had arrived. For what felt like more than nine months – and at the same time, less than nine months – she'd been carrying a tiny human being around in her stomach. Eating for it, sleeping for it, living for it. Feeling it kick and move and grow and now she was holding it in her arms, small and pink and making tiny noises like yawns. She even smelled pink. She knew that wasn't a smell but when she put her head to Aurora's she could smell a sweet smell that could only be described as pink. She felt exhausted from the labor, more than she let on. It was the most intense pain she had ever experienced, agony piercing her with every contraction, squeezing Jim's hand until it turned mottled white and purple and sobbing to her mother who was acting all too joyous about the new arrival. She remembered Jim beside her, rubbing her back and smoothing her hair, reminding her how much he loves her and she just has to get through this and then they'll have a lifetime of happiness with their child and as much as she loves him she just couldn't believe him right then. And the exact moment when she was relieved of the pain and calm, disbelief fell over the room as the nurse wrapped the baby and handed it to Pam. She thought back to the beginning of her pregnancy. When she was denying it and fretting and crying all the time and began laughing. It seemed strange to her now that she ever thought about giving up her baby or worried over stupid things. In the end, none of it made a difference. She had a beautiful, healthy baby daughter and that was all that mattered. She had Jim, and that was all that mattered. She had her parents and her friends and that was all that mattered. And she had herself. And she knew now that she could get through anything, especially now, with her daughter. She knew she would face struggles later in her life and things would be terrifying but she wasn't afraid – not any more.

**So I hope no one is too disappointed by the name or the fact that I kind of just skipped the birth. I tried to write it a couple of times and it just felt very forced and unrealistic so I just scrapped it and wrote what I felt was natural for me. I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter – I like some parts but hate others but I hope you all liked it. Please let me know what you think of the name! **

**I originally was going to end this story with Pam giving birth and that was kind of it but I think maybe you guys deserve to see them in the future, like an epilogue? Let me know what you want and I'll see what I can do.**

**Thanks for reading!**

**Love, SS. x**


	29. Chapter 29

**Last chapter. I kind of felt like this story would never end and now it is and I'm sad. Thank you to all of you guys for reading and thank you for regular reviewers: **

**TaioraWarrior, FutureNovelist887 and of course, ftmill16! **

Pam leaned against the frame of the front door and smiled at her husband.

"I don't see why you're so nervous, Jim. We've been through this."

"Twice! We've been through it two times before and if I remember correctly, you were always in tears."

"Because it was the first time. Aurora was going to her first day of school alone. Ruby has two older siblings to look after her." Jim frowned and ran his hand through his hair, the way he always did when he got nervous. And he was nervous because it was youngest daughter's first day of school. Pam, of all people, seemed infuriatingly calm, sipping her coffee. She walked barefoot out onto the lawn to meet him and kissed his cheek. Aurora, tall and skinny at sixteen, appeared at the door with an old leather bag over her shoulder, her wavy honey brown hair loose and mussed around her shoulders. She avoided eye contact with both her parents, moody and quiet. Pam could see loose leaf paper sticking out of her bag, covered in Aurora's neat, curvy writing, the i's dotted with hearts. When she was thirteen, Aurora had announced she would no longer respond to her childhood nickname 'Rory' and had retreated into her room writing poetry and staring out her window. She spent most of her time reading and writing with her stereo turned up and the door closed. Once, after a fight with her parents, she had angrily taped a line to the floor in the doorway and told them if either of them ever crossed it, she'd never speak to them again. The tape had long since frayed and mostly torn away but neither of them betrayed her wishes. Jim knew it drove Pam crazy sometimes, when she passed the room and saw the blinds down and the windows shut, the bed a tangle of turquoise sheets and thick novels but it didn't bother Jim. He knew it would pass and until then he would just be where Aurora wanted him to be and let her come to him.

"You're really not worried? She's the last one to leave the nest."

"She'll be home at 3 o'clock." Jim just stared.

"She'll be fine. Stress less." She kissed him again and turned to Aurora.

"Have you got all your things?" She reached out to smooth her daughter's hair and Aurora jerked away on reflex as though burned.

"Sorry, sorry," Pam held her hands up in surrender, trying to hide her hurt. "I know you hate being touched." Aurora simply shrugged and picked a thread on the arm of her dark blue sweatshirt which almost swallowed her thin frame.

"Ruby wants you to braid her hair." She told Pam, referring to her younger sister who was almost six and a replica of Pam. Jim glanced at his watch.

"You better hurry," he told Pam, "the bus will be here in like, ten minutes." She nodded and slipped inside. She passed twelve year old Luke scraping around in a near-empty peanut butter jar in the kitchen and went upstairs to Ruby's room.

"Come here cricket," she beckoned with her hands and the small girl ran forward happily to her mother. Pam sat on the small white bed with Ruby on the floor in front of her and began twisting the auburn red hair into a delicate French braid.

"Are you excited about school?" She asked. She would never admit it to Jim but she _was_ a little sad that her youngest child would be leaving and the house would be empty of children between 8:30 and 3:00.

"Very!" Though she looked exactly like Pam, with auburn curls and large green eyes, Ruby acted more like Jim. Pam tapped her daughter's head once to signal she'd finished with her hair and watched from the bed as Ruby jumped up, examined her hair in the mirror and slipped on her new purple backpack. Already her white socks were slipping around her ankles and her white blouse had untucked from her skirt. Pam sighed once before following Ruby out of the room and down the stairs to the kitchen.

"Hurry Luke, you'll miss the bus." She warned, grabbing a comb from the counter and trying to wrestle the tousles out of her son's hair. If Ruby looked like Pam then Luke certainly looked like Jim, with caramel hair that was never neat and a large smile. He was twelve years old and obsessed with basketball. He spent most of his time in the backyard shooting hoops and waiting for his father to come home so they could play one on one. In terms of personality, he fell somewhere between his sisters. He was quiet and somewhat reserved but when spoken to he was friendly and easygoing, an approachable and likeable boy.

"You always say that and I never do," he said through a mouthful of peanut butter toast, ducking away from the comb playfully. He rose and picked up the black backpack that sat at his feet before moving to the counter by the door where his homework and books sat in a stack. As he quickly packed his bag Pam admired her son's organization. He was a genius at maths and science and though he struggled with humanity subjects like history and English, he worked at school and enjoyed learning.

"Mom, can we go?" Ruby tugged on her arm, frowning.

"The bus has to come." Pam reminded her, crouching to tuck in her blouse. Ruby wriggled in excitement and Pam felt another tug of sadness. She would have like maybe a _little_ reluctance to leave home from Ruby.

"The bus is here!" Aurora yelled from the front yard impatiently. Ruby squealed and flew out the front door, followed by Luke, with Pam on their heels.

"Wait!" She realized, "you have no lunch. Oh, my God."

"Mom." A rare event – Aurora spoke up. She reached into her seemingly bottomless leather bag and pulled out two brown bags. "I packed them some lunch." She handed her siblings their bags quietly. Jim smiled at his eldest daughter – this was a typical Aurora action. She acted so sullen and detached from the world but slipped up occasionally by showing her sweet side and exposing her unnatural thoughtfulness.

"You'll watch your sister?" Jim reminded her and she immediately retreated to her dark side, scowling.

"Of course. You've told me a million times."

"Just a reminder." The bus driver honked once and Pam pulled away from her hug with Ruby.

"Be good Bee. If anythings wrong you just find Aurora or Luke, okay?"

"Okay Mommy. Can I go now?" Pam nodded and wrapped her hand around Jim's as their three kids moved towards the school bus – Luke reaching his hand out to hold Ruby's, no trace of embarrassment, and waving to his friends on the bus, Ruby, her shirt untucked again and one braid already coming loose, followed by Aurora, walking her slow, careless walk and wearing that half smirk that clearly said 'you don't know me at all.'

"I can't believe they're all going." Pam sniffled.

"I knew you would cry!" Jim exclaimed triumphantly. "I knew you couldn't be so calm!"

"Oh, shut up." Just then, Ruby hesitated and turned back. She ran back and hugged her parents, first Jim, then Pam, tightly.

"Bye." She said to them with a smile before running back to the bus and climbing on. They waved as the yellow bus pulled away. Pam smiled. She knew they weren't perfect parents. They'd had to grow up fast and be the best parents they could before they were even out of school but their children loved them regardless.

She knew her life could have gone in a completely different direction. She was lucky to have found Jim, she was lucky to have Aurora, she was lucky she got to go to college and study literature alongside Jim studying history. She was lucky she'd seen her father before he'd died of lung cancer and she was lucky she lived so close to Alexa and Mark, who shared an apartment, and she was lucky she got to help plan Alexa's wedding to Eli, the boy she'd met at college while studying psychology. She was lucky to go to sleep every night beside her husband and she was lucky to wake up to a new day and her three beautiful children. Pam Beesly knew she was very lucky.

Jim knew he was lucky too – lucky to have married the girl of his dreams and lucky he had spoken up about keeping the baby. Lucky to have gone to college and lucky to have become a history teacher. Lucky to have a wife who led a support group for pregnant teens and lucky to have a friend as good as Mark, even if he did tell terrible jokes and never shut up about his girlfriend, Cat.

They were lucky. Their lives hadn't been easy but if they had to do it all over again, they knew they wouldn't have changed a thing.

**THE END. (Get ready for a long authors note, guys.)**

**This story was pretty strange to write after that incredibly long ****(sorry) **break. I came back with a whole new perspective on it and unfortunately, that means I haven't done this story exactly the way I wanted to. There were a few plots that I didn't develop on (namely art school) and I had to kind of change all my previous ideas and stuff. I know it's not a perfect story since the first half was setting up to a totally different ending than the one I ended up writing but I've still had a lot of fun writing this and it was a great challenge.

**About this chapter: I never wanted to finish writing this chapter. I think I could write pages and pages about their children but I tried to keep it short. I think I was a bit lazy with just throwing in details (oh, Alexa and Mark have relationships! Oh, Jim's a teacher!) but I hope you can look past that.**

**Thank you all so much for sticking with this story and reviewing - I genuinely appreciate it, especially because of the long hiatus.  
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**I hope to see you all again, either on one of my future stories or on one of yours. **

**PLEASE NOTE: I have created a new profile (the link is on my current profile) where all my future stories will be posted so I am no longer StarStrewn. For the record, the story I'm working on now is a Rose/Scorpius fanfic (and yes, I _am_ shamelessly advertising my new story)  
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**It's been fun. Love, Star Strewn xx**

**P.S It would mean a lot to me if everyone who read this story could put some final thoughts, likes, dislikes, what you think I could improve on, whatever comes to mind. **


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